Coping with Law School Letdowns
While I would say that my law school experience thus far has been overwhelmingly positive, I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t faced any setbacks or letdowns. I think all the way back to the first week of school, when I worked tirelessly on an application for an extracurricular that I was incredibly passionate about, only to be rejected 48 hours later. I also think of the countless hours I put in studying for one of my first midterms, drowning myself in practice questions and case summaries, and receiving a grade lower than I was anticipating. I also had the chance to participate in my very first oral advocacy competition, and while I was confident in my abilities and preparation, my teammate and I did not advance past the first round.
It’s easy to get lost in these setbacks, and even easier to forget all of the great things that I have accomplished once a setback arises. But so far, I’ve developed a few strategies that have helped me cope with my law school letdowns.
Take time to Embrace your Feelings
When you face a letdown, it’s tempting for your first response to be to push these feelings down and ignore them. Sometimes we think that letting our letdowns consume our minds and impact our moods is a bad thing and that we can avoid any negative fallout from our letdowns if we ignore how we feel. However, this may have the effect of only delaying the onset of emotions following a letdown, or can cause a buildup of internalized emotions that may burst out. Perhaps more effective than pushing the feelings associated with a letdown away or trying to minimize them is facing these emotions head-on. If you faced a letdown, you most likely are feeling that your efforts were wasted, that you don’t measure up to those around you, or even that you might not be worthy of being in law school at all. Letting yourself go through these motions is important so that you don’t end up getting lost in them. So have a cry, a scream, put on your “Sad” playlist, and know that having some intense emotions in response to a letdown is valid and normal. In order to not drown in these emotions, let yourself confront them. Though it might be scary at first — I promise you it will be worth it in the long run
Talk with Friends and Family
At first, the idea of talking about letdowns with friends and family may seem daunting or even embarrassing. You might just want to put the letdown behind you and not let anyone in your life know that you didn’t accomplish what you wanted to in this instance. However, I am a firm believer that internalizing our emotions makes them feel larger and more catastrophic than they are in reality.
When I faced my first few law school letdowns, I was super embarrassed. But talking with friends and family made me realize that there was nothing to be embarrassed about! They helped remind me of things that I so often take for granted, like what a feat and accomplishment it is to have been accepted to law school in the first, and really helped me to take a step back and be proud of myself despite my letdowns. They also assured me that a few letdowns did not eclipse all of the great things I have done so far, and reminded me about what I have to be proud of. Further, talking to law school friends that faced some setbacks and letdowns of their own also helped me to feel less alone in my feelings, which I found to be very helpful in coping with my emotions.
Look for the Positives
It’s SO annoying when people tell you to look at the glass half full right? Sometimes, we just want to commiserate and have a little pity party when considering our letdowns. That is totally fine and valid, and definitely take the time to do that, but also try to step back and consider the possible positives that came out of your letdown. For me, not getting the extracurricular I cared so much about was really tough, but it also would have been a pretty large time commitment, so by not getting this position, I was able to take on even more amazing extracurriculars that I am also passionate about.
So, being sad about your letdowns is certainly valid, but it’s also important to analyze them from a positive perspective, and see if anything at all can be gained from your experiences — even if they didn’t have the outcome you intended or hoped for.
Put Things into Perspective
When something doesn’t go our way, it’s easy to let one letdown spiral into something bigger than it actually is. I for one always fall into the mental trap of letting one letdown define my entire experience in law school. But it’s very important to take a deep breath and realize that so often we over-emphasize the importance of our letdowns, and allow them to eclipse all of the many things we’ve accomplished. For instance, when each of my letdowns occurred I took a step back and tried to think about how much I have to be proud of in law school. I’m an active participator in many classes, have an awesome part-time RA position that I love, and have been selected for a number of highly-regarded and enjoyable extracurriculars. It’s also a feat that as law students, we balance so much between studying, attending classes, our personal and familial obligations, and so much more! So remember to cut yourself some slack and look at the bigger picture when faced with a letdown, and remember that one or even multiple letdowns don’t define you.
Use it as a Learning Experience
On a related note, once you’ve started to look forward and move on from the letdown you’ve faced, it’s important to realize that everything in law school (and life) is a learning experience. Even if things didn’t work out your way, I promise you there is something you gained from the experience regardless. For example, think about that job or opportunity that you really wanted but didn’t end up getting. Even though you didn’t get the job, you gained so much knowledge and experience from the application and interview process, and if you got an interview you’ve gained the assurance that you were, in fact, the type of candidate they were looking for. For me, in terms of the aforementioned oral advocacy competition, even though we didn’t advance to the next round, we learned a lot about the structure of the competition and were able to adopt strategies to use when we compete again next year.
It’s easy to write off letdowns as a colossal failure or a waste of time and energy, but this simply is not the case. Even though this experience was a letdown, there’s still so much that you’ve gained from it by putting your best foot forward and trying!
Overall, jumping to the conclusion that I am less than others when faced with a letdown has not served me well, and I have realized this mentality is not conducive to my learning. I hope that some of the strategies that I have developed can be helpful for you if you ever face a letdown in law school or even in your future career as a lawyer. Just remember that when one door closes another one opens, and at the end of the day many things happen for a reason, even if we don’t realize it at first! It’s easy to take these letdowns at face value, but try to shift your mentality to focus on how you can learn, grow, and improve from these letdowns in order to accomplish even greater things in the future.
