The Missing Tile
Imagine you’re standing in a large room. You happen to glance towards the ceiling and are pleasantly surprised to see a beautiful mosaic of tiles staring back at you. Polished, bright, well-crafted, and placed ever so carefully the tiles make up a compelling whole. Yet — as you’ve probably gathered from the title — this mosaic isn’t perfect.
You spot a dark square where you reckon another colourful tile should be placed. It’s small, negligible even, but for one reason or another, your gaze is drawn to it. You try to look back at the ceiling as an assemblage, but you can’t help resting your eyes on that pesky dark square. A whole sea of bright tiles to appreciate, and yet the small blemish commands attention. So, what’s going on here, and more importantly, what does this have to do with law school life and beyond?
Let me explain by recounting what happened to me during the law school admissions process. I was finishing up my degree when I decided to apply for the 2021 admissions cycle. At this point, things in my life, from an outside perspective, were going well enough. After years of working diligently, I had my degree within sight! Moreover, I had family that supported me, a great group of friends, and was in good health. What could go wrong? Enter the LSAT and the soon-to-be missing tile in my life.
Rather than celebrating the completion of my degree with family and friends, my attention turned to that pesky standardized test standing between me and an offer of admission. Despite all that I had to be grateful for — all those beautiful tiles comprising the mosaic of my life — I was laser-focused on what seemed to be the one crucial missing element: my target score on the LSAT. “Oh man, if I could just score an X, everything would be so much better”, I would often think.
And so, I got to work trying to manifest that target score while neglecting the rest of those shiny tiles I was so fortunate to have. During the months I spent studying for the LSAT, thoughts of achieving, failing, and that target score consumed me. Whether I was taking a break to talk to a friend, having dinner with my family, or exercising, I was focused intently on that score. Needless to say, my fixation on the exam hampered my ability to enjoy the present!
The implications of this phenomenon extend far beyond the LSAT. For instance, when I finally got that target score, do you think everything just got so much better? I certainly thought it would! I thought the mosaic would fall into place and that I’d be left soaking in the satisfaction of completing a big project. The thing is, life is never really “complete.” Post LSAT relief quickly turned into admissions anxiety. “Will I get into school X? Everything would just be so much better if I got into school X!”
Spoiler alert: admission into school X did not resolve the missing tile conundrum. Rather, my attention soon turned to the grades I would receive in school X! “If only I could get X grades during my 1L year, everything would just be so great!” Fortunately for me — and for any prospective law students reading this article — I decided enough was enough and that I would better manage this pattern of thinking. So, if you’re a current or prospective law student experiencing what I’ve described, fret not, as I’ve found plenty of ways to overcome this cycle of thought.
First, I found that the simple act of catching yourself when you start to focus too intently on that missing tile is sufficient to snap out of the trance. I’ll give you an example of another instance where simply being cognizant of a problematic behaviour of mine led to its correction. I used to often take advantage of mealtimes to bury myself in my favourite subreddit. It wasn’t until those closest to me expressed how this habit was rather annoying — as it seriously inhibited my ability to engage meaningfully at dinner time — that I began actively monitoring this behaviour to stamp it out when it manifested.
Once aware of the problem I was able to repeatedly catch myself reaching for my phone at dinner time, fight the urge to glance at Reddit, and ultimately break the habit. I’ve found this self-analysis, or introspection, to be an incredibly powerful tool. It is precisely this tool that helped me combat my laser focus on the missing tiles in my life, law school-related or not.
Of course, I still sometimes fall down the rabbit hole, however, I also find I’m now far more capable of pulling myself out of it. More encouraging still is that I find as I continue to practice introspection, I continue to improve at it!
Additional tools I’ve found to be effective in breaking this cycle are hobbies and exercise. Each of these solutions, when paired with a deliberate mindset, can go a long way in bringing relief and peace to your life. Ironically enough, the mindset I’m talking about is one based on intensive focus. In the book Deep Work, Cal Newport discusses how periods of intense focus have a profound ability to bring us satisfaction and improved mental health. These states of deep work free us from the plethora of nagging thoughts and worries that all too often consume us. Finding a hobby or two, or an exercise, that necessitates a high level of concentration has functioned for me as a sort of mental vacation–and who doesn’t love a good vacation!
In hindsight, there are lots of things I wish I would have done differently with respect to my approach to the law school admissions cycle. I genuinely believe that with the implementation of the strategies I’ve outlined here, I would have fared significantly better. I would have spent less time and energy contemplating those missing tiles and more time engaged in and appreciating the present. The reality is that there’s always going to be a missing tile in your life. Acknowledge it, see what you can do about it, but don’t obsess over it!
Know that with a bit of time and practice, you can find yourself more often soaking in those other tiles making up the beautiful mosaic of our lives.
Original Photo: https://unsplash.com/@girlwithredhat
Concept inspiration: “The Missing Tile Syndrome” by PragerU
