24. Being Single is Not That Fun Anymore
At least it was
Every time a pretty girl pass in front of me I steal a glance. Every time a not so pretty girl but ridiculously hot pass in front of me I steal a glance. Imagine what a beautiful woman who might fit all of my criteria could do to me. I could die standing while staring at her.
I sounds creepy. I know. But I’m not always like this. I wasn’t like this at all.
I’ve had a girlfriend before. Just once. She was very beautiful. She was my best friend. We were together for almost eight years. Too long you said? We started dating in junior high, and we ended it last year. After college.
I practically never been single. At junior high I never even think of having a girlfriend. And I had. Now as it ends, I just found out how miserable it is not loving somebody anymore. How it is being truly single. It sucks.
I was a loving boyfriend. I was faithful and never put any interest in other girls. Any girl. At all. My sole focus in life was her, and she was perfect (until our last year, of course). So I never bothered thinking about anybody else. I never stole a glance at any girl. I swear by, that cat in the alley.
Now as I’ve been single for more than a year, all of that feeling starts creeping up on me. No, I don’t miss her. I miss having somebody. Somebody to love, to snuggle, to hug, to kiss, to fuck. It’s like my hormone is begging me. Every time I see a woman with a nice body, like this post’s image, my libido is boiling up. Cause I’ve been up close with that kind of body and fuck her brain’s out before. But for now I can’t.
Thing is, I’m not a ladies man. I can’t just approach any girl and date her and bang her. No, I’m not unattractive. Lots of people told me I’m quite the opposite. No, I’m not an asshole nor pathetic. A survey (a real solid survey held in my college) suggest that, most woman want me in a long term relationship. It’s just, not who I am.
I take relationship seriously. My first relationship was seven and a half years long. I wasn’t playing since the beginning. I’ve only have sex with one woman in my life. I know how to maintain a good healthy steamy relationship, but I don’t know how to start one. I could only ask a woman to date if we have a connection by being friends. If I really care about her first. And this is somehow more challenging than my career. And sex out of wedlock is uncommon here in my culture. And my goddamn libido is boiling up.
I am fucked, and not in a good way.
. . . . goddamn
I’ll figure it out though. Maybe just not now. Maybe you wonder why I broke up if we were perfect. I’ll tell you that later. I’ll just… I’ll just jerk myself off for now.
Yep.
