As if nothing happened

Asma Gorchène

Intensive care unit, 10h15,

The room was tumultuous. I stood in the middle of it, looking professional in my fancy white overall and with my stethoscope on the shoulders. The room was colder than Antarctica, but not in Celsius degrees. It was covered by a lonesome white paint. There were no visitors and no get-well flowers and that as a part of asepsis rules. Everybody was talking about something, which created a cacophonous hubbub.

In every beep I could hear the futility of life laughing at the effort.

Hostile and in a needle-like steadiness, the sound of the sophisticated machines that kept the patients alive, pierced my eardrums. In every beep I could hear the futility of life laughing at the effort.

It had been a sunny day outside but they didn’t get the chance to enjoy the sunshine. My pupils, which were constricted by the sun rays pouring from the windows, moved around to inspect the patients. All of them were unconscious, mechanically ventilated, and…Dying.

All of them were unconscious, mechanically ventilated, and…Dying.

All of them but one. A young-looking girl in bed 3 intrigued me. I approached her and leafed her file. “A 16 year old patient addressed to critical care unit for pulmonary edema after she sank in a swimming pool while having an epilepsy fit”

I raised my eyelids to give her the once over. Petrified, she gazed back at me through her tiny watery eyes, as if she was asking for help until she finally mumbled in a fragile whisperer: “help me”.

But I stood helpless. Like a boat against the tide. I didn’t know what to do. I was just a person with a fancy white overall and a red nail polish that seemed very misplaced at the moment. I couldn’t help her.

I clenched my fists. I wanted to beat the hell out of him for turning into ridicule a scared kid.

Unsatisfied with my response, she started flopping like a fish outside of her jar. She was so drastic that she took off her cannula. Nurses and interns rushed to hold her. It was like rodding an angry T-Rex. The alarm system went on. I tried to help, but all I did was stand in the way. I was feeling anxious and sorry. That’s when a potbellied middle aged man interfered in a dramatic entrance to save the day. “Calm down girl, I’ll take you back to the swimming pool” And everybody burst in laughter while she was still crying in front of them. I was shocked, shocked by the insensitivity, shocked by the inhumanity. The place was supposed to be aseptic, but all I saw was a swamp of bigotry and prejudice. I clenched my fists. I wanted to beat the hell out of him for turning into ridicule a scared kid. But luckily I wasn’t brought up to unleash violent impulses. They injected a sedative through her veins and she went into a deep sleep while her tear ducts were still swollen.

The sound of the machines got steady and hostile again. The hubbub of their small talk got back to cacophony. Everything was back to normal, as if nothing happened, as if no dignity has been profaned. The sun rays pouring from the windows, kept shining, in a silent accomplice. Life moved on leaving behind a scared kid.