True Stories/ Life Lessons
Love and Loss
I can still feel the pain that I felt at that time
When I write about love, especially my own love, I feel like I have feelings, but I have a hard time finding the words. I told my cousin that if our parents put a barrier in our relationship, I might suffer a lot. She was exhausted.
In love, a person can do anything because love cannot be done by thinking. Benefits and harm cannot be seen in love.
It was three years ago when I was 22 years old. It was evening. My Mother came back from my uncle’s home and told me the good news that your uncle gave you his daughter’s relationship. I was very happy that day but my happiness ended after two hours when my father refused the relationship. Rather he went to uncle’s house and ended the relationship on his part.
I can still feel the pain that I felt at that time. I tried to transfer this pain to my Dad. The next morning I went to the market and bought wheat preservative pills and came to the room filled a glass of water and put the pill in my mouth and drank the glass of water. I felt as if someone had filled my mouth and stomach with the fire of hell. The poison pill did not go down my throat because the pill was quite thick. I was shocked and the pill of poison came out of my mouth and fell on the floor.
The pill hitting the floor was the last thing I remembered, after that I collapsed and became unconscious. It came to my knowledge later that a woman working in the house came running from the sound of my fall and when she saw me fall on the floor, she shouted, then my parents came into the room and took me to the hospital.
Three days later I was discharged from the hospital because only the poisonous water had reached the stomach, which did minor damage and I survived, but the wounds to my soul would probably take time to heal.
If I ever thought about it, I would have been ashamed of my foolish act only a few days later. I wanted to punish my father but later I realized that I had punished my mother more than my father who was completely innocent in this whole incident. In the early days, she used to wake up several times a night to see me. I thought my mother had become delusional and it was all because of me.
I wanted to correct my mistakes. I forced myself to be happy for my mother’s sake and I got a good response. With each passing day, my mother became less worried about me, she seemed to trust me again.
Three months later my Dad said I am going to your uncle for your relationship. I listened to him and said that now I will not have a relationship there. I refused, I don’t even know why I refused because I don’t even know why I do this.
Stories don’t end as quickly as I did. I could have shared more of my feelings and emotions but writing someone’s story is easy, writing your own story is a difficult thing, especially when you have some heart in your story. I am leaving many things unfinished in this story, I know many unsaid things in love hurt.
