Dear Manager: Please don’t tell your employees what they are doing wrong
One of your employees is under-performing and you want to give him corrective feedback so he can improve. Seems pretty straightforward right?
Not so much. Giving feedback is challenging; perceptions, personalities and preferences can easily get in the way. No matter how artfully you frame comments and suggestions for improvement, your message still can be derailed and potentially even backfire. It’s all too easy for well-intentioned feedback to inflame rather than engage.
So what’s a manager to do? How can you help your employees understand the gap between where they are and where they need to be if you don’t tell them?
You help them figure it out.
How? By asking nonjudgmental, open-ended questions that help them see the gap and think it through. The objective is to increase awareness of the situation and responsibility for taking action.
My employee’s clothing was causing a stir…
Years ago, I had direct report who was dressing for work in a way that was too provocative for our very conservative employer.
IF I had told her that her clothing was inappropriate, she would have:
A. gotten upset
B. defended her clothes
C. told me what’s wrong with my clothes
D. all of the above
Irrespective of the actual reaction, it is highly unlikely that any of these options would lead to a constructive conversation or desired change. It is much more likely that the employee would feel like she was attacked and deflect the feedback.
So, rather than telling her what was wrong, here’s how the conversation played out:
Me: “How’s the rotation going?”
Trainee: “It’s good. The employees are very professional here. Much better than my last rotation.”
Me: “It sounds like being seen as professional is very important to you.”
Trainee: “Yes.”
Me: “So, if a new customer came into the branch today, how would he determine how professional you are?”
Trainee: “Is there something wrong with my clothes?”
At some level, the trainee knew that her clothes were too risqué for the workplace. By answering my open ended questions, she figured it out for herself. And because the realization came from within, she was able to accept the feedback and commit to improvement.
Magic happens when you find what I call “the leverage point:” the thing that is really important to the employee that is at odds with the behavior. Then all you need to do is ask a question that challenges the employee to explore the inconsistency (in this case, professionalism vs. choice of clothing).
How to help them figure it out
- First and foremost, no leading the witness.
It’s absolutely critical to approach the conversation with an open mind, accepting the possibility that the employee may offer you an alternative interpretation that could change your perspective. You must also be open to the possibility that the employee may offer a solution that is different from the one you are seeking. It could happen!
2. Start the conversation with a very wide open ended question, beginning with “what” or “how.”
In my example above, I simply asked how the rotation was going. A friendly “What’s going on?” or “How is the project going?” are fine starting points.
3. Follow-up with an open ended question or two in order to better understand the issue and the employee’s perspective.
Examples:
“What have you tried so far?”
“How did you decide what to do?”
“What’s getting in the way?”
“What effect did your choice have on the outcome?”
4. Listen very carefully for the leverage point to guide your questions.
To determine what’s really important to the employee, listen for words that seem to have more energy than others. Listen for a disconnect between the words he’s using and his tone (e.g. he says “it’s fine” but his tone suggests otherwise). Watch when body language changes (e.g. gets more animated, sits forward, or looks away).
5. When you think you’ve got the leverage point, paraphrase.
Summarizing in your own words demonstrates active listening and understanding. It also serves to secure a bit of agreement, which will help create momentum toward agreeing to a solution.
Examples: “So, it sounds like…
…professionalism is important to you.”
…you’re eager to get ahead.”
…you want to be viewed as a subject matter expert by your peers.”
6. Connect the dots to create awareness.
Ask another open ended question — non judgmentally — that helps him see the disconnect between the leverage point (what he sees as important) and his behavior.
Examples:
“If a new customer came into the branch today, how would he determine how professional you are?”
“What message does your time of arrival send to the leader of the meeting?”
“How did your actions impact how your peers perceive you?”
7. Ask for solution(s).
As long as the solution is viable, support it. A workable solution suggested by the employee is better than the perfect one you have in mind — it is much more likely to happen! Improvement depends on commitment: the employee’s own idea creates commitment better than anything you can suggest.
Examples:
“What actions do you think would be helpful?”
“What will you do going forward to achieve a better outcome?”
“What can you do to help them see you the way you want to be seen?
8. Ask how the employee will go about implementing his solution.
Don’t fall into the trap of ending the conversation when you reach agreement that action will be taken. Asking one more open ended question that explores how implementation will happen requires the employee to really think through their commitment and the effort required to deliver. It also makes it very clear that they will be held accountable. It is very easy to say yes and then disregard; much harder to renege after thinking through and articulating a game plan.
Examples:
“What will you do to remember to do this?”
“How will you know you are doing it well?”
“What support do you need from me?”
9. Set a date for reviewing progress.
If the performance issue is serious or seems to be escalating, it’s good to put a date on the calendar now to review progress. Knowing that you’ll meet to revisit the issue will reinforce ownership and motivate the employee to take action as agreed.
Please don’t say you don’t have time to help them figure it out.
Sometimes, managers resist asking open-ended questions because it takes more time than just telling employees what to do differently.
And they are absolutely right, it does take longer. It does. But when you tell employees how to improve, there’s a very good chance you’ll have to tell them again.
…and again.
…and maybe even again.
The time spent helping them figure it out upfront is an investment that pays off in the long run.
If you ask open ended questions to find/use the leverage point, you’ll elicit awareness for the issue and the responsibility to fix it. If the employee is going to improve, you’ll have a pretty good idea after the first conversation. And if the employee doesn't follow through as promised, then, by all means, tell them what they are doing wrong.
