On the road to Finding What Matters Most to you
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. — Ralph Waldo Emerson
In my last post, I started with a paradoxical question: If you knew you could not fail what would you do? This is a paradoxical question because when we (I mean you and I) try to answer this question, we get into the struggle between our musings of what matters most and constant battle to surrender ourselves to chasing things that are not even truly interest to us. My intent was to provoke a deeper dialog about how to visualize what matters in our lives. We might all argue that this more profound line of inquiry and musings takes too long and it can paralyze us from doing anything. This line of inquiry means our ability and willingness to listen and understand what others are thinking and feeling. It also involves trying to understand how the other person has moved from data to interpretation to assessment, rather than simply reacting to the assessment our own judgements. Actually, not taking this line of inquiry keeps us operating within our comfort zone that does not serve us well anyway. We realize that life is beautiful, ugly, meaningful, painful, memorable, and sorrowful. This rich tapestry of experiences makes our life more interesting. To experience the fullness of our life, we need to be willing to address questions that we know have no answers. This line of thinking claims our freedom and allow us to use it do discover the real meaning and what matters most to us. It affirms the existence of a destination beyond material gains. It also affirms the value of participation, of being a player instead of spectator to our own experiences — good or bad.
How difficult is then to discover what matters most? It is indeed damn hard because we are in a constant struggle between having confidence in our capacity to live a life of purpose and surrendering ourselves to the daily demands of making a living, pleasing others, achieving status, or being politically correct. We constantly engage on reasoning this with some kind of theory, some kind of speculation or satisfaction, and some kind of doctrine. As a result, we are all caught in finding explanations, in words, in theories, and gradually, beliefs become deeply rooted and unshakable because behind those beliefs, behind those dogmas, there is the constant fear of the unknown.
On the contrary, it is also entirely possible to expend all our energies in activities that work well for us and achieve our objectives. Still we may be wondering whether we are really making any difference in the world. This is because in the process of chasing the shiny objects or our relentless urge to become someone, possess something, or constant draining of energy to prove our point of view we end up in sacrificing the pursuit of what is in our hearts. We want to impress colleagues and satisfy loved ones with achievements we think they’ll envy. We are constantly trying to be this or that, to achieve a particular state, to capture one kind of experience and avoid another. Our mind is everlastingly occupied with something. It is never still to listen to the noise of its own struggles, pains, and musings. But, we never get time to truly connect and listen to our own inner musings.
Listening is really very hard. We never actually listen to anything because our mind is not free; our ears are stuffed with those things that we already know, so listening becomes extraordinarily difficult. We often listen with the various depths of our own being, but our listening is always with a preconception or forms a particular point of view. We always impose the intervening screen of our own thoughts, conclusions, and prejudices. If we can find time listening to that little voice inside our head about what matters to us, it has the potential to activate a set of passions hidden in us which could move the world we share in the direction of goodness. It requires us to suspend our judgments and to listen without imposing any of our personal point of view.
You have forgotten who you are and so have forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. — Quote from The Lion King
To really listen to our musings and struggles to find out what matters the most, there must be an inward quietness and a relaxed attention — a freedom from the strain of acquiring or constantly seeking something. If we learn to cross the chasm of listening, then there is beauty and great understanding. If we listen in the true sense of being aware of our conflicts and contradictions without forcing them into any particular pattern of thoughts, then we started to see that all our contradictions and fears started to cease. When we start listening to ourselves, it really opens up new doors of exploration for us. It paves the pathways never travelled by to take us far beyond the purpose, beyond our intentions, and past beyond the drama of our daily demands of being practical. And, we will find what is worth doing. Doing what matters is not about following anybody else’s roadmap, goals, or achievements. It must be constructed on a foundation of very personal choices that only we can make.
You have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of the action. Do not let the fruit be the purpose of your actions, and therefore you won’t be attached to not doing your duty. — Quote fromMahabharata
Once we visualize what must be done and what matters, then real challenge is acting on that idea. We all have our talents, skills, relationships, and enthusiasm to get to what matters most. But, that will not be granted to us automatically. Behind every success there lies a relentless passion. Behind that passion there is a great deal of suffering. To get to that finish line, we need to expend every ounce of our energy, courage and perseverance, with heart and soul, and fall in love with an idea that matters to continually seduce us into obsessing over every detail. Without that, we all will collapse under the weight of the hardship or long-lasting adversity that you are bound to encounter. We also need to realize that success may never come without a compelling personal commitment to something we care about and would be willing to do with or without counting on the material benefits, fame, power, or public acceptance as an outcome. Watch this Simon Sinek TED TALK and you will realize how powerful and impactful it is to start with WHY WE DO WHAT WE DOvs. WHAT WE DO!
I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences on twoodling, listening, and challenges of discovering what matters most to you!
