It is OK to not be OK

Bite sized leadership advice

It is OK to not be OK. Really it is.

In times of change and crisis our brains need time to rebuild the mental models in our heads.

Until we have a way forward it will not feel OK, and that is OK.

As new information bombards you, and you realise that you need to reframe your mental models or deal with the spaghetti in your brain, recognise that you are not OK. And that is OK.

Notice it, name it and give yourself the space and time to unpick, untangle and rebuild what this means to you.

The best methods to get your creative, command centre (System 2) brains going are were you can distract yourself, often where you get your best ideas by ‘accident’.

Try going for a walk, driving a well known route, in the shower or the bath, while meditating, gardening, or simply sitting on a bench, or by a window and watching the clouds go by; doing things that are very familiar to your brain so that the autopilot (System 1) can manage them.

As a leader it is tough. Emotional Intelligence is part of our toolkit, it is the ability to recognise what you are feeling and to choose what you project to your team, or not.

Although you recognise that you are not OK you need to choose what your team needs right now; is it knowing that their leader is struggling? If their safety and security is impacted by the changes they will look for strength in their leader, a leader who can keep them safe.

If it is a problem best solved by the group, then it may be OK to share.

If you are struggling, find someone to talk to to give you a clearer perspective, a friend, a trusted colleague (not one of your team), someone in your network who is not business with you whose advice is given for your benefit, not their own.

Apply your emotional intelligence with your family too, especially if you are the breadwinner and the source of their safety and security. They will be looking to you for strength, direction and predictability. It can feel tough dealing with all your own emotions and theirs too, like a double whammy. Give yourself space, somewhere that you are not on ‘duty’ as the responsible adult; a run, a bath, in the garden.

Recognise that you are not OK, and that is OK. It is normal for any large scale change to our lives. The feeling will pass and a new-normal will come.

Be kind to you.

If you are looking for advice on how to lead through a crisis, then this long form Medium article (10 mins read) has all the good stuff that will make the difference to you and your leadership.

This is part of our Leadership Wizdom series, bite sized leadership advice for leaders who wish to improve their leadership, but don’t have much time. For more indepth articles check out The Change Wizard