Tears are our emotions overflowing
At some point in your leadership, one of your team will cry in front of you.
As humans we hate to cause hurt to others. When someone cries we have a natural response to try and make them feel better.
First Pause.
Let us reframe tears.
Tears are a natural reaction, a way that our body calms down. The act of crying causes our bodies to release dopamine to calm us down.
We cry for many reasons
- Because we are physically hurt and feeling pain
- Because our eyes need to flush out irritants; cut onions, hayfever
- Because we feel emotional and need to regulate our emotions and calm ourselves down
In most cases, as leaders, we are faced with emotional tears. They are a natural reaction and are simply our emotions overflowing, like the overflow on a cistern, when our body can’t cope the emotions spill over.
Tears come from the heart and not from the brain. Leonardo da Vinci.
We cry when we are happy, when we are feeling emotional, when we are stressed, when we are sad, when we are relieved. For many different emotions.
Crying makes us feel weak, and vulnerable, our defenses are down. Often we feel embarrassed by the show of emotions, tears running down our reddened faces, struggling to regain composure.
If someone crys in front of you. Do not be afraid of their tears. They reflect how the person feels, something you cannot see.
Pause, legitimise the tears and give the person time to compose themselves. Hand them a tissue (if you have one to hand) and do not hurry the process. Wait patiently. When the person has composed themselves, check they are OK to continue the conversation. Be kind.
Do not be afraid of tears, they are simply our emotions overflowing.
Some practical advice
- Pause
- Do not take the tears personally
- Give the person crying time to compose themselves
- Ask permission to continue once they have
This is part of our Leadership Wizdom series, bite sized leadership advice for leaders who wish to improve their leadership, but don’t have much time. For more indepth articles check out The Change Wizard.
We coach leaders and help their organisations become more adaptable at www.thechangewizard.com
