Can We Start Talking about ‘The Feminine’ In Tech Instead of ‘Women’ in Tech?
And how that one-word change could make this conversation more welcoming and productive
As a woman, I find myself growing increasingly frustrated with the whole “women in tech” thing. Don’t get me wrong, I’d rather we talk about the need for diversity than not talk about it. But it seems clear to me that, instead of what gender someone was assigned or chose, we’d be better off to talk about how people act and show up in the world.
Many ancient philosophies reference a masculine and feminine “paradigm” (forgive the academic speak) and the importance of keeping the two in balance. For me, a conversation about how to foster that balance in our work and business feels more productive than one about “men” and “women.”
One of my favorite things about the masculine and feminine paradigms is that they are available to all genders. Anyone, at any moment, can choose to approach something in a masculine or feminine way. Why is that important? One small reason is that I’m also tired of the “women in tech” conversation being had almost exclusively by women, at least publicly. I’m sure men talk about it privately (in fact I know many who do), but they are often scared to enter the public discussion — and, guys, I don’t blame you.
I myself have been scared of entering that particular melee. But this idea about “the feminine in tech” just won’t leave me alone. It keeps me up at night. It jumps out at me in the middle of conversations. When that happens, I often draft a blog post, or a response to someone else’s blog post, and then….I never hit publish.
This is such a HUGE topic. How can I possibly wrap my arms around enough of it to share it with the world? And then one day I realized I can’t, and that’s ok. I just have to start. So I started in the way I’m most comfortable — with conversations. First I asked a friend to interview me about this very project, then I interviewed another friend who’s bringing a feminine viewpoint to her work at 500 Startups. From there I plan to talk with interesting people who “lead by example,” particularly from a place of masculine/feminine balance.
And in the interest of leading by example, I want to do three things here that I’ve committed to doing more in my life: 1) admit vulnerability, 2) ask for help, and 3) trust.
- I am seriously scared to hit publish on this. I can see all its problems outlined in neon lights, and, worse, recognize there are many more problems I’m as yet blind to.
- This is a conversation not just with the people I interview, but also with you. I ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt, feel that I’m doing this with best intentions, and also hold me accountable by sharing your thoughts, questions, and even critiques. And, of course, let me know if you think of people I should interview.
- When Ana Marie Cox started Wonkette, people told her she’d better have a thick skin. She came up with an alternative that has become my golden standard: you can have a thin skin, but you must heal quickly. I trust that whatever comes of this experiment is exactly what needs to happen; and I trust myself to let in what serves me and to let go of all the rest.
