How Humans Change
“But in this case, their understanding of how evolution works is deeply flawed. The phrase “survival of the fittest,” for example, was never intended to mean that the strongest, the smartest, and the hardest working are destined to succeed. Instead, it means that the organisms that are best adapted to fit into any particular environmental niche will thrive, often at the expense of those that are less well-adapted.” James Suzman “Work: A Deep History From the Stone Age to the Age of Robots”
Have you ever had that moment when you realize that you have been singing the wrong words to one of your favorite songs for years?
Reading the quote above from James Suzman’s book Work was like that for me. Like many high performers, I had bought into the cultural narrative that in order to succeed I had to be the “fittest”, which meant that I needed to be the strongest, the fastest, the smartest. On top of that, if I “dream big”, “just do it”, “lean in”, “go for gold” then I could achieve, well, anything.
Like many strategies, this one worked for a long time until it didn’t anymore. It was when I started having kids that this “go all out” approach to life really started to break down. Something had to change, but I had no idea how to untangle the web of behaviors and mindsets that shaped my approach to life and work. So I did what a lot of us do, I set super ambitious goals and then I beat myself up when I didn’t achieve them. I got impatient with myself when it felt like the change was taking too long. I wanted my metamorphosis moment when I would magically emerge transformed from a fuzzy caterpillar into a beautiful butterfly.
In the midst of my frustration, I decided to go on a learning journey to figure out how I could actually change. I worked with a therapist and a coach. I took courses about psychology, wellbeing, mindfulness and adult development. I started consuming books on the brain, emotions, habits, and change. What I learned about how humans change helped me in my own journey and it also helped me in my work with clients. I began supporting clients in not only identifying their business goals and strategies, but also supporting them through their evolution as leaders in order to bring those goals and strategies to life.
As Sarah and I created Loom, we rallied around a shared passion for helping humans change. We got curious about how we could go beyond identifying the change that needed to happen to actually supporting people through change. If “survival of the fittest” is about adapting to your environment, then teaching people how to adapt and evolve in a world where change is the only constant could help unlock infinite potential. Through this work, we have identified five big shifts:
Change starts small. While we certainly believe in the power of a big ambition to guide our efforts, the truth is that the path to change always starts from where we are today. When taking on big change, the counterintuitive question that helps us get started is: What is the easiest smallest thing we can say yes to? Even seemingly incremental progress can help build the momentum needed to keep moving forward.
From an act of willpower, to patient persistence. As psychologist Jennifer Kunst describes, “The mind is like a rubber band; you can easily stretch it temporarily, but it snaps back to its resting position. We resist change.” In our work we want to find ways to gradually stretch the rubber band further and further over time until it can hold a new shape.
From starting with behaviors, to starting with mindsets. Mindsets are the ingrained assumptions and beliefs that shape our behaviors and choices. They often operate outside of our conscious awareness and thus are difficult to change. Working towards lasting change means we have to get curious with clients and uncover these mindsets so that we can evolve them when necessary.
From a product of knowledge to a product of experimentation. Knowledge of what needs to change is a necessary but not sufficient ingredient for achieving change. Because the status quo feels safe and change feels different and perhaps even dangerous, the best way to begin is to experiment. By working with clients to design safe and small experiments we can learn more about existing mindsets. It’s often the case that these mindsets still serve a purpose but might be overgeneralized or overused. Experimentation becomes the fertile ground for finding the limitations of existing mindsets and for the creation of new ones that can help forge new ways of seeing the world and approaching the work.
From alone to together. We each have to do the hard work that comes with change, but we don’t have to do it alone. As Kate Sieck, applied anthropologist and friend, recently reminded us — there is an abundance of research that demonstrates the power of community in helping people through change. The research echoes what any of us who have been on this journey intuitively know; that it’s far better to do hard things together.
