6 Simple Things To Enhance Your Spoken Communication

Unless you live in a remote part of northern Iceland by yourself, you probably spend a good portion of your day communicating. I’ve written previously about the percentage of non-verbal communication for most humans. However, it’s important to take note of the verbal communication. The things you say can make a great difference. Misunderstandings happen all too frequently because of a flaw in communication.

During World War II, reporters continually asked the Japanese government if they would surrender to the Allies. Initially, they said nothing. However, after being continually hounded, Japanese Prime Minister, Kantaro Suzuki uttered one word…mokusatsu. This word could have several meanings depending on the context. In this case, the Prime Minister simply uttered a frustrated response many reporters receive…’No comment.’ But, unfortunately, this response was translated to the Allies as “not worthy of comment, we are treating your message with contempt.” Ouch! The response to this “no comment” was one of the most severe the world had seen up to that time. Two atomic bombs called Little Boy and Fat Man were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki shortly after. Was the miscommunication solely responsible for the decision to drop bombs? Maybe not…but, it was a contributing factor.

In written communication, misunderstandings can happen in a variety of ways. Sometimes, it’s as simple as a punctuation. This is illustrated by the following sentence:

Woman without her man is nothing.

One example punctuates as: Woman, without her man, is nothing.

This places the man as being important to the existence of women.

The other example punctuates as: Woman, without her, man is nothing.

This switches the context. Now, women become critical to the existence of men.

Much like small details can change translation and written communication, spoken communication can be derailed without paying close attention to certain details. Here are six elements to help increase the clarity of your spoken communication:

1. Watch your tone. The way something is said greatly affects how it is received. Are you excited about it? Or is it just ‘meh?’ Is this something the listener should REALLY pay attention to or should they just check it out when they have time? Your voice carries energy and the tone you use can easily indicate importance or priority.
2. Use your face and body. Have you ever received a message mismatch? This is when someone shares a spoken message but their face doesn’t convey the same message. It’s when they say they’re excited but their face says it’s an everyday experience. Being aware of how you look is critical. This may even require some mirror time in order to experience what your other party sees. There is nothing wrong with practicing your expressions especially if you want to be clear about what you are conveying.
3. Respond instead of react. Often, we hear a message, especially an emotionally-charged message and the first respond is to fire back quickly without thought. While your first reaction may be your most authentic, it may not necessarily be the best one. Ask yourself, “What result am I looking for? Does this response help me get closer?” Take a moment to think, then respond accordingly.
4. Check for understanding. My wife gets me on this sometimes. She is talking, I’m responding with “uh, huh!” Then, she asks a question like, “So, when can we do this babe?” BUSTED! I have no idea what she said! This happens frequently in office conversations as well. A meeting takes place and the person leading the meeting sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher. The meeting ends and no one understands what happened. Be sure to ask quick clarifying questions before you leave. This can save hours and even weeks of catch-up and heartache.
5. Speak their language. When I was in the classroom, I was trained to recognize the different learning styles of my students…auditory, kinesthetic, visual. These are referred to as learning styles but can in fact be thought of as the person’s language of understanding. This language can even be reflected in their spoken response. If you are explaining a concept and one party’s response is, “Ahhhh, I see,”, that may be an indicator of their visual language. How does your communication partner receive information best? IF you are able to speak their language, you can more quickly make a connection.
6. Stop talking and listen. This is hardest. In conversation, it’s a challenge to shut your mouth and just listen. But, verbal talking isn’t the only talking that distracts from listening. Mental chatter is an even greater challenge to quiet. Seek to be a blank slate. Switch to data gathering mode. Switch to receive mode. Listen and truly hear what the other party is really saying.

Keeping these six, simple elements in mind will help you create the foundation for clear conversations. Take moments to reflect on your spoken communication to see how you are measuring up. Double-check to see if you are achieving the results you are after in your conversations. Communication is so much better when it doesn’t lead to war.