7 Ways To Show You Care Before You Know Someone
John Maxwell often uses the phrase “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Ultimately, this is true. I was grown up in a family where education was and is very important. I was grown with the ideal that you didn’t just want to go to college. You wanted to go until you got to a terminal degree. That was how you finished the race. In my culture, getting your PhD or JD or MD was the obvious sign you had reached the pinnacle. This meant you were either really brilliant or you were a tireless worker.
The downside of this was people who didn’t have these degrees were sometimes looked down upon. It could feel very isolating if you were in a room where you were one of the only people without the right alphabet soup after your name. It even became the expectation that an “attitude” was conferred with the degree at graduation. I often heard the statement, “She has her PhD, but she’s really down to earth!”
Wow! People really don’t care how much you know. The letters might get you some accolades but ultimately, when it gets down to it, they want to know the person behind the accomplishments. They want to know that person is real and whether or not they care about people.
To put it simply, it comes down to being likable. Some mistakenly think that caring or being likable are natural character traits doled out at heaven’s gates. But, likability is teachable and learnable. If you can learn them effectively, it increases your communication skill drastically.
Sue Shellenbarger shares a study in the Wall Street Journal done by researchers from the University of Massachusetts. In it, 133 managers were found to comply with the suggestions of an auditor simply because they found him likable, even if they disagreed with the suggestions. Likability is huge and people are more apt to find you likable if they feel like you care.
Here’s how you can show the care we are referring to even before you actually get to know someone:
1. Use great body language.
Approaching someone with a genuine smile, a look of confidence and openness is a big inviter. This alone can draw attention within seconds. Uncross your arms, lean in to the speaker and open your heart to them…no, literally open your heart. Stand straight but slightly point your heart towards them.
2. Make solid eye contact.
Not the creepy, intense kind. Simply look them in the eye as if you are looking to be helpful and interested in every word they are saying. Nicholas Boothman has a great book called How To Connect In Business In 90 Seconds or Less. He shares the idea that your goal in every interaction should be to come away with the eye color of the person you are contact with. Eye contact conveys confidence, concern and interest. Look away for a moment to think if you are the speaker but after you’ve asked a question, maintain the eye contact to show you are listening.
3. Remember their name.
Now, I meet a lot of people regularly. Remembering names is not easy. But, I really make every effort to do it. If I don’t remember it, then I ask. Some people are afraid of asking because they feel embarrassed about not knowing the name after meeting someone for the 3rd or 4th time. I simply say, “Listen, I really want to use your name correctly but my Wheaties hasn’t kicked in yet today. Can you remind me?” They usually laugh, tell me their name, then I repeat it about 7 times to show I’m working at learning it. If I see them several times at that event or during that day, I call their name every time I see them. It makes them smile but it also helps my memory. Dale Carnegie says a person’s name, to them, is the sweetest sound in any language.
4. Pack away the devices.
This wasn’t a problem 15 years ago but now everyone has a phone. Although the phone is a small device, it has become a big brick wall in conversation. If you have bluetooth in your ears, phone in your hand or the device on the desk in front of you during conversation, put it away. Mine is set up for accessibility so it flashes when a text notification comes in. This distracts both people in the conversation. That little millisecond distraction is enough to plant the seed of “This person has other things to pay attention to” in the mind of your conversation partner.
5. Go back to school.
OK. You don’t really need to enter a building but you should do some homework. Hop on LinkedIn and learn something about the people you are meeting. It’s impressive when you can share you know they went to a certain school or saw a comment they posted in a certain group. You may not be able to do this for chance meetings but for interviews, networking events, sales meetings, and consultations, it is a way to show your concern about THEIR interests and needs.
6. Let them speak.
I’ve been in conversations where someone meets me for the first time and they DOMINATE the conversation. They’re energetic, yes, but I never get a chance to interject. I was introduced to a fellow business owner once and we agreed to speak by phone the next day because our time was short. I called, I said hello and for the next 20 minutes, I didn’t say more than 5 words. He launched into his philosophical preferences and I just listened while he barely stopped to breathe. I hung up the phone saying to myself, “Wow, I don’t remember a word because there was no connection.” He didn’t show he cared. Let them know about you but ask great questions to find out who they are and what drives them. Trust is created when you can share and the other person feels understood.
7. Be real.
Stop trying to convince people. Stop debating your point as the right one. Simply be content, confident and authentic. Genuine people aren’t afraid to share how they feel because they are comfortable in their skin. But, they also don’t need everyone else to feel the same way they do. Show who you really are. Get rid of the mask.
Is this list comprehensive? Of course not. But, if you do these things, I can guarantee your communication and your conversations will move a lot closer to amazing!
This is Day 36 of a 12 Week writing journey. Here was a post from yesterday in one of my publications:
If you enjoyed this article, hang out with me to get more over at robertkennedy3.com. Sign up here to hang out.
