Making Transitions Well
Transitions. We all go through them. Some are easy. Some are more challenging. But, we all go through them. Today, I went through a transition as I watched a transition. My daughter celebrated her 13th birthday today. In the weeks leading up to this celebration, I told quite a few people about the impending teenage transition. About 95% of the time, I received a grimace and an “OUCH!” This was usually from parents of older children and teachers. They all uttered messages strangely similar…”Wow, you’re in for it.”
I even received one message saying, “Yeah, daughters are great but you and your wife probably won’t like her for the next few years. Don’t worry though. She’ll come back around and you’ll be thick as thieves.” (Sidebar: that’s a weird simile but I guess I get it). The prevailing thought was teenage years are rough for both child and parent. There is constant transition and both sides will have a tough time adjusting.
I remember my own transition. It was pretty rough. I was not as loquacious as I am now. I spoke when I needed to but I spent a lot of time in my room reading. Recently, my dad and I were reminiscing. He jokingly told me, “You were so quiet that we swore you were plotting evil.” A vision of wild-haired mad scientist viewing the world on a TV monitor popped into my head. I felt like the Wizard of Oz. The transition was compounded by my friendship circle being older than I was. I had been skipped in school. That simply means I was placed a grade or two ahead. My friends were usually 1 or 2 years old than I was and in kid time, that can be an eternity. It doesn’t matter so much once you hit 20. But, as a child, there is a significant maturity difference between a 12 year old and a 14 year old. Physical changes have taken place. Mental perspectives have shifted. Ideas and boldness have been enhanced. Attractions are more apparent and even being acted on. So, my transition was affected by my friends having experiences and conversations which I could not speak on. I was “behind in life” and it wasn’t their fault.
Early age transitions are challenging because they are often coupled with an academic transition…the transition from middle school to high school, then from high school to college. Other transitions such as starting your first job, receiving your first promotion, moving out from your parents to your first apartment or moving from single to married can be filled with angst as well. But, there is one beautiful aspect many seem to forget. We are not the first to go through those transitions and more often than not, the transitions turn out ok.
We are simply scared of the unknown. We are not sure if we are equipped to handle the next step. We don’t even know what the next step is. But when we learn to see that unknown space as beautiful, our entrance into transition shifts. We no longer enter afraid. We enter ready to embrace the challenge. We enter ready to face the unknown.
My daughter is not yet equipped to expect these challenges and transitions. So, my job is to prepare her and help her understand what transitions are like. Some may not have the privilege of being prepared like my daughter is and will be. However, we can seek mentors at any age to help give us a preview and a glimpse at what their maps were like.
Move forward. Transitions will come whether you like them or not. Intentionally prepare!
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