Rapport Counts…
One of the key elements of communicating right is to handle difficult conversations successfully. Generally, they tend to make us uncomfortable. However, on many instances, the price we pay for not having these conversations is much higher than avoiding or procrastinating these. So, it becomes essential to build rapport and mindfully address difficult dialogues.
Understanding the underlying reasons for running away from having difficult conversations is the first step towards learning to tackle these. We all experience a general discomfort with conflict. In addition, there can be fear of hurting the relationship, possibility of being too vulnerable and fear of not being liked. Likeability bias in quite prevalent in male-dominated workplaces. We expect men to be assertive and women to be humble and modest. So, when women display strong-willed behavior, they are perceived to be arrogant and eventually, their colleagues like them less. Thus, identifying the causes of not plunging into hard conversations is a fundamental step towards building your strategy to address these situations.
The next step is developing the wisdom to know what you can influence and what you cannot influence. This requires you to take a step back and evaluate the situation from an observer’s perspective. Sometimes, getting an opinion from a mentor or a coach also helps in understanding your controllable and non-controllable factors. Let’s take Anne’s example. Anne is waiting for a promotion and she believes that her work speaks for itself and her manager will eventually reward her based on her meticulous work and dedication. Anne continues to believe this and does not bring up her willingness to get promoted during her performance review. This is the classic situation wherein she can totally take control and cite her readiness for promotion and preparation for additional responsibilities by having the difficult yet necessary conversation with her manager. Consider a case wherein based on your mentor’s advice, you discover uncontrollable factors. In that case, accept that you might not get desired results but you are willing to have the difficult conversation so that you at least bring the matter to the table and create awareness about the same.
Once you understand what is within your circle of influence, you can use curiosity and empathy to navigate difficult conversations. Meeting and striking conversations with strangers at a networking event is quite a challenging situation for many. The very first thought is how they can aid you in your career growth and what value you can bring to them. But, wait? Isn’t it a good idea to know the person? Asking questions that enable a meaningful conversation is the best way to get started.
Consider a situation wherein you are trying to manage a conflict. Being genuinely curious about your own and other party’s interests provides a visibility into the best-case scenario that can result out of the conflict. Being genuinely curious requires asking open ended questions and creating a non-judgmental space. We all have witnessed conversations wherein the questions were asked for the sake of asking and probably, in the hope for receiving answers that doesn’t serve a collective good. That is why we need empathy along with curiosity.
Curiosity without empathy can lead the conversation astray. When we display real empathy, we connect to a part within us which we can relate to another person’s situation. It is a very vulnerable state to be in and that is why, most of us are scared to display emotions in professional settings. With empathy, we gain the willingness not just to step into another person’s shoes but walk the way with them so that we gain the complete awareness of their world.
Like any other skill, acing difficult conversations can be learnt and developed. You can leverage difficult conversations as a key lever to accelerate your career progression. Lean In Energy provides a platform for women in energy to learn these essential skills through dedicated sessions from industry experts. The next quarter’s theme is based on bias and allyship wherein we shall bring you sessions focused on tackling bias and easing difficult conversations.
The next time, you find yourself musing if a conversation is worth having, try contemplating how you can use this as an opportunity to advance your career. The very reason that makes you brood over something is important enough to address it. While you prepare for it, focus on building rapport using a blend of curiosity and empathy.
This article is inspired by Kim A. Page’s powerful session on Storytelling as a part of her ‘Right Kind of Loud Online’ course. Kim A. Page’s book “The Right Kind of Loud: Finding Your Communication Voice” is part of the curriculum at several business schools.
Likeability Bias Lean In.Org
