The #1 thing women want from their workplaces (and how to ask for it)
The month of March marks Women’s History Month, and while a lot has changed over the decades, some things have still stayed the same. After the pandemic, women are increasingly dropping out of the workforce, and they are doing it because “business as usual” is no longer acceptable. There have been several reports talking about the things women want from their workplaces, and yet it seems these requests are not being seen.
At Lean In Network Bangalore, we decided to ask our community about what it is that they seek from their workplaces and the non-negotiable value that can alter the scales dramatically for them. Ruchi Tandon, a leadership and transformation coach, anchored these conversations for us, and here is what we learned.
The interesting thing that Ruchi pointed out was that the things we want are not unique to women. After adjusting for the life stage that people are at, what people want from their workplaces seems consistent across genders. We are looking to be treated as adults (with respect and trust); we want to integrate our lives with our work (with flexibility and support); and we want to grow to be better. What we are looking for is for organizations to see all of us as equal and embrace equity while supporting us.
However, the gap between what we want and what we get couldn’t be wider. A report in business today spoke about the plight of Indian working women—about 90% of women who asked for flexibility had to take pay cuts if they insisted on it. 2 out of 5 women who did not insist on it had their requests denied, and 1 in 4 women struggled to convince their bosses about this need.
The key to bridging this chasm is learning how to ask for these things in the context of our workplaces and the inherent cultures. Ruchi walked us through 4 different yet common scenarios that women experience, and we discussed the nuances of asking with tact and killing with kindness. Here are our top tips for asking for what we need at the workplace:
1. Think like the “Org”: An organization is focused on outcomes. Any request that can alter these outcomes is met with skepticism. Before putting out an ask, think about what happens at the organizational level if it is approved. What precedents get created? What are the potential challenges that could impact the outcomes or the culture? One could talk these through with someone else to understand the organization’s point of view. This pre-work can help us be more prepared before asking for what we need and offer alternates if challenges are thrown our way.
2. Flex your courage: The key to getting what we need is to build courage and ask for it. This can feel like a big step, especially if asking for what we need feels selfish. Some of us have grown up believing that asking for our needs makes us self-centered, ungrateful, and not humble. On the contrary, when we ask for what we need, we are doing three things:
a. Acknowledging and putting words to our needs and the linked emotions
b. Putting boundaries on what is okay and not okay in our current context
c. respecting ourselves and what is important to us.
When we ask for what we need, we are also helping create a culture of healthy discussions for the organisation. The ask could be worded in a way so that it doesn’t come across as a “contention" (me vs. them construct), and instead is a dialogue (us together construct)
The key to building courage for a big ask is to practice with small baby steps. Ruchi shared some fabulous ideas about how we could use humor, kindness, and assertive communication to flex our courage. From learning to say “no” to protect our time, to explicitly asking the spouse to step up, to insisting on 1:1 time, there are a lot of different daily situations that offer us the opportunity to practice and build our asking muscles.
3. Find opportunities to appreciate : in any relationship, what you appreciate gets amplified. The same goes for an organization as well. The key is to appreciate bosses and peers when they step up and link it to the kind of culture those actions create. It is the little things that need to be noticed and spotlighted for the good they do in the world. Typically, when we criticize an organization, the perception is of a whiner. When we appreciate, we become culture champions. Choose your words with thoughtfulness.
Our careers are built like long marathons. Thinking about them with intent and a long vision helps to move beyond the local minima and go beyond to create the life we want to lead. The session gave us a lot of food for thought and was a lovely way to connect with other ambitious women who knew what they want from their lives.
If you would like to catch up on the recording, please drop us a note at leaninbangalore@gmail.com
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