Drawing a Blueprint for the Body: Diverse Body Imaginations Among Transgender People
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This article is part of the 60th issue of LEAP — Voices of Youth e-letter. Subscribe now.
Under Taiwan’s current regulations, transgender individuals who wish to change the gender marker on their ID must undergo surgery to remove their sex organs. However, surgery comes with high costs and medical risks, and not all transgender individuals seek surgical outcomes. In this article, we present the diverse gender imaginations and bodily practices of transgender people through Stella’s story.
Identity is a Long Journey: Finding a Name for the Body
In high school, Stella identified as a gay man, with a feminine demeanor and long hair. She occasionally wore women’s clothing but did not consider herself transgender. It wasn’t until she encountered the term “gender dysphoria” that she understood why she loathed swimming classes in high school, always finding ways to avoid getting in the water, as well as why she felt so uncomfortable with facial hair. Finding the terminology to describe her feelings gave a name to her body-related anxieties.
In college, she joined a gender group and a transgender community, where she saw the lives of people with different gender identities. She began purchasing women’s clothing. After moving out of the dormitory, she found her own space, marking the official start of a new life where long skirts, long hair, and light makeup became her daily routine.
Compared to transgender individuals who actively pursue hormonal and surgical medical outcomes, Stella has neither considered undergoing surgery nor currently undertaken hormone therapy. She feels her sexual characteristics are not prominent, and it does not bother her so much. For her, her current self-identification is closer to transgender, but no label fully represents her.
“I feel like I’m in the middle of everything. Do I strongly identify as a woman? I don’t feel like I’m a woman, I just feel more comfortable being treated as a woman. I like this appearance and social interaction.”
Medical Technology is a Double-Edged Sword
Recently, she has started considering hormone therapy to adjust her skin and body hair and reduce her appearance-related anxiety. The benefits of hormones are evident, but Stella is quite hesitant because she does not want developing breasts. Furthermore, the initial phase of hormone use can cause emotional instability, affect metabolic functions, and carry risks of vascular diseases and osteoporosis. However, female hormones would also make body hair finer and less, change the distribution of facial fat, and make her facial features rounder, alleviating the inconvenience and anxiety of maintaining her appearance.
“If hormones make me gain weight, how much weight can I handle? It’s another form of body anxiety.”
Hormone therapy is a double-edged sword, bringing both treatment and uncertainty. Behind the unknown lies the issue of how to position and view oneself. Transgender people face frequent scrutiny of their bodies and appearances in daily life, along with appearance anxiety and stereotypes based on binary gender. Ignoring the costs and risks of any surgery or medical intervention, and overlooking the diverse body imaginations and self-identifications of transgender people, will not provide a secure living space for transgender individuals striving to live between bodily appearances and social norms.
Overall, Stella now considers herself “passable,” and has learned to live with “imperfection” as a necessary life lesson. She constantly questions and challenges the idea of a perfect score, while finding a lifestyle blueprint that better suits her. Stella has long been fighting with her body and identity in her daily life. Fortunately, recent court cases in Taiwan allowing ID changes without surgery have given her the opportunity to choose her gender marker on her ID without facing surgical risks.
Also in This Issue: Between the Body and Regulations: The Difficult Situation for Transgender People in Taiwan
The current criteria for changing legal gender are depriving transgender people of their dignity in daily lives.
Author : Lin Hung-cheng
Freelance journalist exploring gender and public issues.
