Gender Issues Behind Lunar New Year: Difficulties for daughters to reunite with their parents

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This article is part of the 18th issue of LEAP — Voices of Youth e-letter. Subscribe now.

Although January 1st is celebrated as New Year’s Day around the world, the Lunar New Year, also known simply as “Chinese New Year”, holds greater importance to ethnic Chinese communities. One of the major customs is to return home for a reunion dinner on Chinese New Year’s Eve. Every family member, including those who work or study far from home, will go back for this significant occasion.

In this case, whose family is the family reunion referring to?

The Reunion Dinner with the Husband’s Family

In the traditional patriarchal Chinese communities, the reunion dinner is centered with male elders and includes the male descendants as well as their wives who marry into the family. The reunion dinner, however, does not include daughters or granddaughters who have married out. Starting from the moment a woman gets married, her so-called “family” refers only to her husband’s family. Therefore, right after marriage, women must get used to a reunion dinner with a group of people who have become their new family.

Based on traditions, the gender division of labor requires women to prepare the reunion dinner, so these daughters-in-law become the necessary culinary labor. In the early years of Taiwan, the custom in traditional Chinese families regulated that women were not allowed to sit at the same dinner table with the male family members, even though they were the ones who prepared meals. Instead, they had to eat in the kitchen or somewhere out of sight.

Many ethnic Chinese women in Taiwan state that they feel a lot of pressure during the Lunar New Year, having to interact closely with a group of “strangers” for a long time. Quite a few newly-wed women miss their original family on New Year’s Eve and wish to return parental home for this special festive occasion.

Furthermore, according to Chinese customs, married daughters who return to their original family on the first day of the Lunar New Year will bring misfortune and poverty to the family. People may believe that they escape to their parents from their troubled marriage. As a result, the family on the husband’s side is usually reluctant to let their daughters-in-law go visit their original family.

Reuniting with Daughters on the Second Day of Lunar New Year

What about daughters who want to return to their original family during the New Year Holidays? They must do so on the second day of the Lunar New Year.

On that day, married women can get rid of their role as daughters-in-law. They no longer serve as culinary labor but become the apple in the eyes of their parents. However, even though they have the opportunity to see their families during the holiday, lots of regulations and taboos remain on their way back home.

First, to avoid bringing bad fortune to the daughter’s original family, some folk culture experts believe that daughters must cross three bridges before getting home, and they are not allowed to stay after the fourth or the fifth day of the New Year. Thus, the daughter’s families usually have lunch with their daughter and son-in-law to give them more time to go back to the husband’s home earlier. Moreover, the daughters couldn’t return their original home without red envelopes or souvenirs, to demonstrate their financial well-being and a good life in the husband’s family.

Break the Norms. Return to Original Families on the First Day of Lunar New Year!

Many groups have fought against these gender-inequality traditions. For example, Lai Yu-mei, who once served as the chair of the Taiwan Gender Equity Education Association, launched a campaign in 2018 with the slogan “Daughters bring wealth to their parental home on the first day of the year” and launched creative cultural products promoting the ideas. The campaign urged the public to pay attention to gender issues in traditional customs, in hopes of shattering the stereotype that bad fortune comes with married women returning to their parents on the first day of the year.

Even now, most families seem restricted by the gender-biased new year traditions, and the reunion dinner is still held in the husband’s families. However, as gender awareness rising in public, daughters are no longer considered “splashed water” after they marry, and bond more closely with their original families.

The customs of the New Year celebration are gradually taken in diversified formats. Some families choose to eat out at restaurants so that the daughter-in-law isn’t struggling to prepare a banquet. Some families on the husband’s side are now willing to allow their daughters-in-law to go home early to their parental home. Through symmetrical discussions between family members, each ethnic Chinese woman in Taiwan may choose freely which home to return to, and with which family to enjoy the reunion gathering.

Also in This Issue:

Changing the Role from Daughters to Wives: Gendered Expectations in Wedding Customs

Traditional wedding customs emphasize women’s responsibilities as a wife also cut their bonding between their parental family.

Author : Lin Si-hou

Freelance journalist exploring gender and public issues.