Stabbed by a glance: the double loss of being an ideal man
_______
This article is part of the 53rd issue of LEAP — Voices of Youth e-letter. Subscribe now.
“The traditional gender division of labor expects men to be able to financially support the whole family, and men will be regarded as “successful” in life. However, on the journal of male’s success, economic pressure may accompany with family conflicts or even broken-up. The image of an “ideal man” becomes a double-edged weapon, as men try to prove themselves, but are caught in the toil.
Financial downfall: the desperate of unemployment and underprivileged
While making money is a standard of men’s ability, unemployment under the social, political, and economic environment could not be controlled individually. It affects both the life and financial phases of a man, and easily destroy a man’s self-esteem, which is reflected on the suicide rate among males.
The suicide rate in Keelung city ranks as top in Taiwan during 2004 to 2007, and men between 34- and 64-year-old account for the highest portion.
Lee Cheng-de was a truck driver at Keelung harbor who once made great fortune from international trade. At that time, every driver had “deep pockets,” and a man need to demonstrate they are gâu-lâng (A capable person) in both public and private sphere by supporting the whole family, treating his friends, also having an affair. Every day after work, Lee went for drink with his colleagues instead of heading home directly, which impacted his familial relationship.
As the location of international trade was transferred from the harbor, workers couldn’t earn as much as before. The gâu-lâng before became unemployed or low-income workers. Lee’s income decreased sharply as well. He couldn’t visit the teahouses anymore, but back home and face his family estrangement.
The decline of an industry formed the background of high suicidal rate. Since the image of men doesn’t encouraged males to express their vulnerability and emotions, lots of workers didn’t know their colleagues suffered from depression. Suicide seemed to be their only way out when they feel burned out from the heavy financial and family pressures.
The double edges of “providers”: the missed single and atypical families
Male’s chances to get married is often affected by their jobs and wealth. Those who lose jobs or work underclass often remain unmarried or encounter family conflicts (including domestic violence) and divorces due to the income decrease. Raising children solely after divorce is another kind of male adversities, and among the suicide cases in 2005, 54.4% are single fathers.
Professor Wang Xing has participated and observed single father supporting groups for a long time, disclosing the contradictory about males being a “provider”. Uncle Henry was very poor during childhood. After graduating from junior high school, he began to work as an unskilled workman, then became a truck driver, a job that he did for over twenty years. However, his hands and legs became numb, and he had Herniated Intervertebral Disc which required surgeries. The disease made him lose the ability to work and make money, and the conflicts in family usually turn back to financial problems. In a short time, Uncle Henry faced the dysfunction of body and the collapse of his family since the inability to work led to divorce and domestic financial issues.
“Boys don’t cry” is another hardship for single fathers. Though social welfare system could provide financial and mental support for them, the “providers” role of men stops them from relying on external support. Inferiority and silence from gender roles become chains making single fathers stuck.
Conclusion: picturing another kind of social safety net
The need from men is often placed on the edge in the support system for underprivileged family. Before the legislation was amended in 2006, Taiwanese government named the supporting law for underprivileged family as “Act of Assistance for Women in Family Hardship”. Though the word “women” was eliminated afterwards, the supporting resources for men are still attached to the supporting resources women could have, making men the “atypical underprivileged” in the system.
Since domestic violence contains high percentage of male perpetrators, Ministry of the Interior set up “Male-care hotline” in 2004 to provide related law services and information. Some city governments set up “single father care hotlines”, allowing men to understand better when encountering job loss, divorce, even intimate violence issues. “Cool Bar supporting group” is an organization supporting married men, established in 2020. The efforts from various social welfare organizations making the hardship of men be seen by more people, developing better ways to solve their financial and domestic problems.
The expectation of an “ideal man” is like a chain, making men who are not holding the consistent social value experience frustrations and self-denial over and over again, falling into the trap of double loss — work and family. Despite social welfares, the picture of a family should return to family communication and negotiation, positively confirming the various domestic roles different genders could play. Both earning money and taking care of family could present individual value.
On the other hand, the risk and cost behind “boys don’t cry” and “ideal men” should be re-evaluated, that men also possess the need to express emotions and vulnerability. In this case, a better and inclusive social safety net could be developed, embracing every falling individuals and family.
Also in This Issue: Feminism and Wounded Men: Masculinity in Life of a Mountain Road Speed Demon
Who killed the Speed Demon? Himself, the truck driver, his cheating girlfriend, or….. toxic masculinity?
