On Disappointment
Earlier this week, I went to an end-of-summer floral class. After 2 fun-filled hours trimming sunflowers, lilies, and greenery, I proudly marched out of class with my bouquet. When I arrived home, I couldn’t wait to run through the door to show off my new piece to my husband. As I closed the door behind me, the bouquet slipped from my hands, shattering the vase on the floor.
Heavy sigh
Disappointment flooded my senses.
Disappointment is a complex emotion that occurs when your expectations are not met. Whether it’s as minor as a broken bouquet or as profound as a sudden layoff, your feelings are valid. It’s a storm of emotions — sadness, loss, anger, even frustration — all intertwined in this inescapable facet of life.
In Buddhism, the first noble truth tells us that suffering exists and it comes from attachments. With disappointment, our suffering comes from our attachment to expectations — expectations around people, situations, ideas or specific outcomes.
What do we do when disappointment inevitably knocks at our door?
- Acknowledge it: Did you know that emotions only last for 6 seconds? Carol Jung so aptly said, what we resist, persists. Often our emotions linger because we try to bury or overlook them. Rather than suppressing or denying your disappointment, embrace it fully. Take a moment to notice where this feeling resides within your body. Is it constriction in your throat? A knot in the stomach? A weight on your chest?
Consider reflecting on: How does disappointment show up for you? What do you notice in the body?
- Practice self-compassion: When things don’t go as expected, it’s easy for self-judgment to creep in. You might find yourself replaying all of the ways things went wrong. I encourage my clients to shift their perspective. Imagine talking to yourself as if you were comforting a friend or child. What words would you offer to someone you deeply care about facing this same situation?
- Reflect on learnings: When life takes a detour, it’s easy to believe that this is the way things will always be. However, change is the only constant in life. Every moment is fleeting, including those with disappointment. Take time to reflect on what you learned from this experience. What have you learned from it? How will this change your expectations moving forward?
The value of disappointment
Disappointment is a normal part of life and leadership. It emerges whenever life throws us off course. Acknowledge how you’re feeling rather than suppressing it. Practice self-compassion and remember that it’s fleeting.
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