Culture Shock part N in America
Today my mind wandered to 5 years ago in Netherlands.
Long story short, I got a project through my professor during my thesis completion. It turned out the position had to be filled half a year before, so I was hired after the interview with two white men. They wanted someone to solve a problem ABC with a group of small businesses, government agencies, and universities. I didn’t have that knowledge but I was involved in the same industry before my thesis work. They asked whether I was comfortable with the problem. I said I’m highly curious about it, so that’s enough for me to do the double catch-up: one on the knowledge, one on the timeline of the project. They trusted me.
It was a European project. I had to interview all members, except the one from University Y, located too far away. Everyone else made appointments with me easily. Dutch “agenda” style: we agree on a time, and we respect that agreement with integrity.
Member one. A government agency in my city. “I cannot speak English fluently,” said the older white woman. I assured her that she could speak Dutch to me but I would respond more fluently in English. There went my one hour interview. It was too difficult to do ABC in her organization.
Member two. A small business in another city. After 1.5 hours of train ride to the busy city, I arrived at the rather shady building. The young white man who founded the tech company invited me to his office full of geeks. We chatted for an hour that he couldn’t do ABC due to the priority in his business.
Member three. Another small business. The director, a white woman in her fifties invited me to her small cozy office. Their business was quite stable. She showed me her ABC work and indeed it represented the recent change in their business.
Member four. A small business in Belgium, reachable with 3 hours of train. I met the white woman, my contact person, who couldn’t have the company’s founder to be present. They had done ABC work but they’re not sure whether it would help their business.
Member five. Another government agency. The older white man offered me to do a phone interview instead of me coming to his office two hours away, because his role was an advisor instead of doing ABC with a visual/handson aid. It was a balanced, non-patronizing conversation, despite I was learning from him.
I remembered my former white coworker who worked in a similar industry with a research institute about to start a business spin-off, so I contacted him. We talked about his work and it was insightful on how they did ABC for the startup.
Member six. The white man who hired me from University X. I updated him the status of the four stakeholders working on ABC, and the additional data from the startup. We discussed the difficulties, although he had everyone trained by a big name consultant before I joined the project.
I wanted to find the Why, so I contacted a friend who was working with a Business Design professor. We discussed, and he gave me some reading materials. I created a proposal on what the project could have done to prevent this lack of support for ABC.
I presented my conclusion and recommendation at the end-of-project dinner, because it was the only time everyone was present, including the white woman from University Y. I discussed with her before the presentation. My request for a meeting room was granted without any remarks to dismiss my effort as unimportant. Everyone got together, reflected on how the project had gone, and finished with the dinner.
Why do I begin this American discussion with a lengthy introduction about my professional life in that small country next to the North Sea?
At this point of my life in USA, something struck me that I have taken my Dutch experience for granted. In my current life now, it’s a luxury to have that kind of respect from all-white project members: male-female, young-old, business-government-education institutes.
It’s a luxury to have lived in a culture of collaboration, integrity, and equal respect.
They were people who aren’t afraid of differences. I’m a small woman, finding clothes in the Dutch kids section, light brown, living with the tallest people in the world who are totally pink (beyond white). I didn’t speak their language at a professional level, and even if we had a shared language (English) my accent was different from theirs.
I see the contrast. Yes, you hear from me. Here’s a list of what I took for granted, followed by the American’s first-encounter reactions:
- Introducing myself that I was hired by professor Z as a senior researcher? Not enough. “You must be his new student?”
- Explaining my PhD and industry experience? Not enough. They inserted lectures here and there while talking to me (‘splaining from all ages and genders).
- Being a meeting attendee, obviously to contribute to the meeting? Not enough. The first time I introduced myself personally, I got that condescending stare.
- Introducing myself that I work in the said project, obviously requiring me to have a certain expertise? Not enough. My existence in the room wasn’t acknowledged until my project partner presented my short resume in front of everyone.
- Presenting my work outlining our dedication? Not enough. They sneered at my explanations, asking questions as if I were a student presenting in an exam to a bunch of professors instead of a consultant presenting a proposal to a bunch of clients.
The list above would sound totally ridiculous to a white American-born man. Equally ridiculous to my previous self, but how could I deny the contrast between then and now? I’m petite and not white and not speaking in American accent. I’m a triple minority. I’m punished for crushing stereotypes.
Thank goodness I recently had the opposite experience in the Big Apple. Then came an American coach who helped me understand the situation:
- This country does have pockets. Some pockets contain people who are diverse. Some pockets contain people who are only comfortable with others who look like them. Even the so-called blue states have their pockets. You could have been in those pockets.
- More accomplished (older) people don’t have to prove themselves again and again in this culture. Meanwhile, younger people may need someone who looks “lower” at which they can offload that insecurity.
- White women are being discriminated by white men, therefore it is very understandable that they subconsciously copy the way men treat them for them to treat other women.
- You deserve to be in a community that celebrates diversity!
I’ve set my expectation now. Very low, because I am not living in a culture of collaboration, integrity, and equal respect. It is a culture of competition, insecurity, and stratified respect.
(All Americans I’ve met outside America aren’t nowhere displaying such competition, insecurity, and stratified respect. I wonder whether they came from the diverse pockets, which probably have inspired them to leave the country to live among other nations.)
I will always be the hands-on, blunt, stoic person who is a stranger among such people. Not interested in joining their club. They’re in their head too much, sophisticated with words, and let things get on their nerves.
I’m grateful to have those contrasting experiences, on what the greatest country can learn from various small corners of the world.
Thanks for reading.
One day this world will truly be about collaboration, integrity, and equal respect.
