Connect 4 hundred…
There are a million pieces in here. Why are there so many pieces? It was like I went to the lumber yard and just purchased random pieces of wood in different sizes. Just looking at it made me sleepy…and not in the “wow, can’t wait to put this new bed together and sleep on it” sleepy, no sleepy in the “I am overwhelmed, and I want to go lie down in the corner in the fetal position until it magically goes away” sleepy. So I slept around it for a while. I slept around my new bed. Boxes took over about 3/4s of the room. Random pieces of wood I had taken out and started stacking before the narcolepsy hit were used as a bridge to the bathroom. Others perched up half of my mattress on the floor.
It rained on Saturday, so I figured what the hell. I couldn’t go to the park, so I figured I might as well put this industrial size jigsaw puzzle together. It was a test of will. Wo(man) against machine…or
“the machine” meaning “big corporation”…whatever makes this sound more important then screwing together pieces of wood with those little metal zigzag things. I was going to defy the picture in the instruction manual that had a man with a pile of wood and a big circle and a line through it. It was a two man job, but that didn’t apply to me. I have built many a bookshelf in my time. I am the honorary IT and AV person in my family (unfortunately)… and I am pretty sure I am fairly strong for my size and weight. (so instructions be damned!)
So apparently not only was I assembling a jigsaw puzzle, I would also have to simultaneously play a game of Pictionary to be able to figure out what pieces were which. Unfortunately, my partner lived somewhere in Sweden “…is it this piece? Is it THAT piece?” Then like an anthropologist “…the pattern of the screw holes indicate its from the headboard, but the size could mean its one of the legs”.
Slowly, methodically, I lined up my screws by size (the only items actually labeled in the box) and started to put the pieces together…then take them apart because they were upside down. Note to self, don’t screw things in really tightly if you are not 100% sure it is in correctly. Also, note to the manufacturer, don’t say screw in if you really mean drill in unless you add a disclaimer that reads: Must be Popeye, mistaken for Popeye, or a descendent of Popeye, because that is the only person with forearms to twist those screws in manually. Thank god I was able to cover these tightly screwed, half screwed screws with the mattress…until I drill them in of course, or the bed collapses whichever comes first. And those extra screws…well they obviously weren’t essential to the aesthetic of the bed…
Two half-days, that’s how long it took, two half-days…working through new Prince, old Prince, U2, a dessert and closing playlist I put together for a fundraiser, and a little Chicago, and it was done…did not think about having to build the under bed storage drawers, but done…a little dangerous, but done…sore, but done…and I did it…and I will just put those extra screws aside for later just in case…
