How it feels to home educate after years of planning to home educate

Well, didn’t that just drop out of the sky and into my lap.

For years I’ve contemplated home educating my daughter. Since before she went to school I knew it was something I wanted to try and nearly kept her from going to school altogether, but buckled at the last minute because I was too scared to drop half our income. I battled with that decision for the first two years of her being in school, finding it so hard when she clung to me not wanting to go into the classroom, parenting an angry frustrated child at home who struggled to adhere to the rules and procedures of school but couldn’t express what it was she needed. I tried to be the parent that gave her loads of experiences out of school, starting her off in drama class and gymnastics, organising activities for the evening and weekends. Over time though I’ve realised that’s not who she is. She doesn’t want endless clubs and lessons and structure and practice and must-dos, she just wants to follow her own interests and flow with however she’s feeling that day, sometimes surprising me with her focus on a task that would never happen if you asked her to do something.

She’s in year 2 now (is? Was? Who knows in these times) and I have to say it’s the first year she’s really settled at school. She really gets on well with her teacher, we’ve worked out a work/school balance that works for us and I think she’s starting to understand that fighting the system is fruitless; with two adults controlling thirty kids in a classroom and having to deliver and demonstrate a standard set of learning for all of them at roughly the same speed, there’s just no room for being a rebel. We both understand that now. Which is why I made a plan to start home educating at the end of this year.

There were three things which were holding me back from making this decision before, the first and major one was “Is this the right decision for her?” As she was so struggling with school, I was worried it was a knee jerk reaction, not giving her time to get used to the way school worked. Maybe she needed to learn to do what she was told more, maybe she needed to learn to be less stubborn. What if I screwed her up for life by taking her away from school? What if she missed the few friends she’d managed to make and never made new ones? Wasn’t I being a bit hard on the teachers, wouldn’t it feel like an attack on their skills? I did ask her if she wanted to home school in the earlier years, but given her real dislike of the school structure and the fact she was small, it felt like I was asking someone if they wanted £20, of course she wanted to be at home all day. And I’m not sure I was ready. Well, it turns out my mindset was the first thing that had to change, and that it has. I researched into different forms of home educating, found something which many term “unschooling” and realised this is what we both wanted. No curriculum. Probably very few set lessons. Freedom. And lots of experiential, real-life, self-directed, fun learning that will set her up for a life of knowing who she is and what she loves.

The two other things holding me back are probably super common for people contemplating home education — how will I afford it and how will I tell everyone. Whilst home educating is growing greatly in popularity (and may grow even more in the light of our current situation) it’s still relatively uncommon — unless you go looking for home educating groups you’re unlikely to come across loads of homeschoolers in your social circles. I’ve always been one to care about what others think, and most people seem to have quite a lot to say about educating at home. It bucks the trend, it turns learning on its head and for some people, they literally don’t understand how kids could possibly learn from a parent or in anything other than a school environment. For me, I’ve done enough research and know my child well enough to know that this won’t be a problem. I’ve made the decision to home educate but telling my family, friends and colleagues still makes me nervous.

And then there was the money. Perhaps the biggest or smallest challenge, depending on how you look at it. I’m in a good job, working for the same employer for the past 12 years, who are great. Flexible, friendly, slightly rebellious, close to home, beautiful location. Great colleagues. Nice safe, stable income. I’m bored out of my mind, sure, but who am I to throw all that away on a whim and just hang out with my kid all day? I’ve been battling with leaving my job for literally years, knowing it wasn’t the right work for me, knowing I’m the sort of person that needs to follow values and passions in life, but never being able to throw away this great opportunity I’ve built for myself over the years. Well, I decided to do it. Decided to throw it all away, get a part-time job in a pub or something, cut our spending and home educate. I was dithering over the financials, wondering how it was all going to work. I started up a few side hustles to try and get some extra income. My main goal for February and March was to work out how we were going to afford it all, but I was determined to do it by summertime this year. And then COVID-19 descended.

So now, here I am, home educating. With my full income. Trying to balance two full-time working parents with a full-time homeschooler. Well, that wasn’t a challenge I predicted but I do love a challenge. I feel like I’ve been dropped a golden chalice, but one tinted with some murky stuff on the inside. Nothing in life is ever perfect, and this is what I’m trying to remember right now. It’s not perfect, but it’s an amazing, wonderful opportunity.

And boy, have I learnt a lot already. I thought I was pretty much ready for this home educating lark but these first few weeks I’ve been learning fast. Learning what my daughter loves and wants out of home educating, what I can give, how much TV is too much TV, how to stop her eating everything in the house, how to encourage her that getting dressed is a good idea (my arguments haven’t convinced her yet). I’ve been pulling out all my home educating ideas and trying them thick and fast. Some work and some don’t. Some take 5 minutes and some will keep her entertained for an hour and a half (very rare those). I’m learning how to work and home educate at the same time, switching my attention super quickly between upgrading computer systems and answering questions about how to build a tarantula out of air-dry clay.

When I heard they were likely shutting the schools I was actually pretty excited. Here was my perfect opportunity to do what I’ve been wanting to do for so long. I also thought how lucky I was to be in the position I’m in compared to many other parents — I’d already joined the Facebook groups, got a load of activities to do, signed up to the online free learning spaces. I’d semi-planned what our days might look like. Well, turns out I wasn’t really any more prepared than anyone else. We’ve fought a lot in the first few weeks. There have been frustrations and tantrums and too much TV and Mummy trying to work and being a bit absent. There’s not been much getting dressed. Turns out spending all day every day with my very strong-willed nearly-7-year-old is as much of a challenge as her teachers said it was.

I’ve also struggled to find a balance between what I need and want and what she needs and wants. As an open unschooler I never planned to have her sitting doing worksheets and school lessons all day every day and I thought she would take her new found freedom and be creating great works of art or studying bugs all day of her own volition. Well, it turns out 6-year-olds are just like the rest of us, particularly after a few years of being told what to do a lot — not really sure what they want to do. As well as create structure and get into work mode and try and keep the house some sort of tidy and the family some sort of fed, I have to inspire her as well. I mean, I love that part, really I do, but gosh it turns out there’s a lot of time in the day to provide inspiring material for. I think we’ve all said it or thought it — teachers really do deserve more praise and pay.

It’s not gone all bad though — we’ve done really cool things even so far. We learnt how to make a writing quill from a feather and she’s learnt her first few words of Spanish from Duolingo. I’ve learnt to listen to her a lot more and judge whether she’s in a quiet, chill out, colouring sort of mood or a brain busting, get out the Brain Training game on the Switch mood. We planted some vegetable seeds and they’ve actually sprouted. We’ve not had fights over TV watching for a few days. She’s stopped eating spoonfuls of chocolate spread straight out of the cupboard every 5 minutes (although that might be because she’s finished it all up). Mostly, I’ve realised that I love her, I love having her around and she loves being at home with me and her Dad. We are revelling in our slower pace of life and just enjoying each others’ company. I know it won’t be like that all the time, but we’re also getting better at knowing when someone needs a break and to leave them alone for a bit.

So fear not super mums and dads who had no ideas or plans to home school, even those of us who thought we were totally ready aren’t really ready. We can all only do what we can do and I’m sure you’ve all seen the memes going round — if we play it right, our kids will only remember this as a time for chilling out with the family, playing loads of [insert favourite computer game here], learning how to communicate better with friends online, eating different food, doing different things, making the most of the outdoors, loving their family and generally having more time to follow their own inspiration. Whilst there may not be much I can say to comfort you about the horrendous things going on in hospitals around the world, or the rubbish situations some people and families and businesses are in, I do know that you can be super structured or super relaxed, whatever you and your kids respond well to, and they will learn. It might not look like school but they will be learning from life and right now, that is all they need.