Bring Clarity into Your Own Existence
Without your own personal philosophy, you will end up living without direction
Last October I quit my job at IBM as a developer. Last October I also finished my master studies in Artificial Intelligence. For the last 2 years, I had been working and studying full time. I had been also traveling and joining every event and activity there was like crazy. I think I had the famous feeling of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). I wanted to do everything at the same time and this was starting to burn me out. I became very anxious, nervous and stressed… I knew I had to put a stop to this lifestyle, so as soon as I finished the master I decided to also quit my job and go for a gap year. I wanted to reevaluate my life, to put it into perspective and to fully understand what makes me happy and what doesn't.
I needed to find out what was wrong with my life first. Was my job the problem? Did I enjoy what I was doing? Was all the traveling that makes me so happy too much stress to handle? What happens if I just enjoy everything? How can I prioritise my time?…
The Learning Lab Challenge
In order to find answers to my questions, I decided to take it as a Learning Lab Challenge. For the ones who don’t know this challenge and the methodology, I recommend you to read this article from the Learning Lab.
- Finding a mentor 🤝
I didn’t manage to find a mentor. I did get some help for different parts of my learning, for example, Vincent Aubry and Maria Navas helped me by recommending me good resources. - Defining the scope of the topic 🔭
I want to have a clear set of rules to guide my life. I want to be able to recognise moments during my daily life where I can improve and apply my life philosophy. - Choosing a learning resource 📚
I took this course in Coursera — A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment, which was recommended by my friend Maria Navas. It helps you to find out what things makes you happy and unhappy from a scientific point of view. You will find a lot of articles, researches, and experiments that support all their advice.
I also read, by recommendation of my friend Vincent Aubry, the book Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl (a prisoner in a Nazi concentration camp) that through his experiences and from a psychotherapeutic point of view explains how everyone can find a meaning or purpose in life and gives advice about how to achieve this.
Finally, I read the book A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy by William B. Irvine, that teaches you how to become a thoughtful observer of your own life and gives a set of rules or guides to find tranquility and joy. - Defining a project 🎁
Define a set of goals/rules to aim for in order to feel happier and improve my life. Also writing this article, putting all the learnings together.
What is a Philosophy of Life
We can define a Philosophy of Life as an overall vision or attitude towards life and the purpose of life. Having a Philosophy of Life will give you clarity when confronting problems, mundane or abstract, and it will help you make sense of the world and your own existence. Without a personal philosophy, we end up living without direction.
Setting your goal: Living a Meaningful, Happy and peaceful life.
My goal is to define a set of rules to help me live a Meaningful, Happy and Fulfilled Life. The first thing that is needed to do is to make our own definition of happiness. As happiness is a subjective thing everyone should try to define it in his own words. When you know what it means to you, only then you can try to aim for it.
Some people define happiness as the feeling of abundance, joy or serenity. The feeling that you have everything that you need, and that life is perfect with its imperfections. In my case:
Happiness for me means serenity and tranquility, having a peaceful state of mind as well as feeling connection with loved ones and amusement in life.
Having a clear definition of what happiness means that now you can have some goals or objectives to look for. It is really useful to put into words what makes you happy, or what it's meaningful to you and to abandon this abstract idea that we can have when we generally talk about happiness or meaning.
Finding Meaning
We need to have "meaning" because we all want to be happy but happiness cannot be pursued. Every person must have a reason to “be happy.” Once the reason is found you will become happy automatically. This reason is what we call meaning or purpose.
A person’s main concern is not to gain pleasure or to avoid pain but rather to see a meaning in his life. The problem is that this meaning of life differs from person to person, from day to day and from hour to hour. This means that no one can tell you what is your purpose, you need to find it yourself, and that's why it is so difficult and people prefer to avoid making themselves this kind of questions. There are 3 ways to find meaning according to the book:
— Creating a work or by doing a deed.
— Experiencing something or encountering someone.
— Turning a personal tragedy into a triumph, into human achievements.
After reading this book, did I managed to find my purpose? The truth is I am not really sure. I have been able to define what are the main motors/motivators in my life: learning, experiencing new things and feeling connected with my loved ones.
I have managed to get some peace of mind by keeping these general goals in mind, while realising at any moment I can find new meanings, and by changing my general attitude towards life (by taking actions, stop waiting for the ‘right’ moment, prioritising happiness…). When I become a bit down or worried I try to remind myself that I am free to change my attitude or reinvent myself at any moment or any given set of circumstances.
In a way, I was already doing actions to keep learning or connected with my loved ones, but I now I can make some sense of why I was doing all of that. I will continue traveling, learning, meeting, experiencing… but now I want to take it slow, prioritising my self-wellbeing. By going slow I mean maybe taking 2 months in releasing a side-project instead of 1, or maybe stop chain-traveling (one trip after the other, like a domino, without going through home between travels). This way I hope I will get the time to reflect on my experiences and learnings and to assimilate all the good and great things I have done and all of the good and great future things I still can do :)
If you want to go deeper into how to find your own meaning and purpose, I have written another article fully dedicated to this book and the lessons I found from it. I recommend you to read it.
Finding Happiness
We need three things to be happy once our basic necessities are met. Mastery, Belongingness, and Autonomy.
— Mastery: we need to feel that we are good at something.
— Belongingness: we need to feel a sense of intimacy or connection with at least one other person.
— Autonomy: we need to have a sense that we are free.
In the course, they demonstrate that everyone can increase their levels of happiness by creating habits that make you do the actions that make you happy and stop doing the ones that make you unhappy. But maybe, the most important rule or take over from the course is to prioritise happiness: Don’t devaluate happiness sacrificing it for other things.
So, am I happier now after I did the course? I do think I am happier than when I was working and studying at the same time. The course has been worthy because now I have a clear definition of what happiness means to me, meaning that now I have some goals or objectives to look for. It is really useful to put into words what makes you happy and to abandon this abstract idea that we can have when we generally talk about happiness.
I am also trying to change some attitudes in my daily life, like expressing gratitude more often, being more honest with myself, or being aware when I start the circle of thinking about what worries me or about things that I can’t control and trying to rephrase those worries into things I do have control over.
I am also taking some very big steps in my life, for example, my boyfriend and I are thinking about moving to a city next to the beach so we can have nature closer to us. I am keeping with my vegetarian diet and we wrote a book about vegan recipes Tradivegan. I am also now actively trying into living a 0 waste life without plastics.
All these little steps make me happier.
If you want to go deeper into how to become happier, I have written another article fully dedicated to this course and the lessons I found from it. I recommend you to read it.
Finding Peace
The pursuit of peace or tranquility is the pursuit of what the Stoics called virtue. Stoic tranquility was a psychological state marked by the absence of negative emotions, such as grief, anger, and anxiety, and the presence of positive emotions, such as joy, calm and serenity.
To be virtuous means ‘Living in accordance with nature’. It is all about behaving rationally like a human instead of randomly (and out of passion/instincts) like an animal.
If we apply reason we live in agreement with nature, because we act like rational and social humans are meant to act. We are able to think about our next action before we act. These are the most famous stoic techniques to find peace and tranquility (summary of techniques taken from the blog https://www.njlifehacks.com):
— Live by virtue and according to nature. We should always try to do the right thing, it’s all that we control.
— Focus on what you can control and accept what you can’t.
— Distinguish between good, bad, and indifferent things. The only good is virtue — living by wisdom, justice, courage, and self-discipline. The only bad is vice — folly, injustice, cowardice, and intemperance. Everything else is indifferent and does ultimately not matter for a happy life.
— Take action.
— Practice misfortune. Visualise things that could go wrong before they happen and you’ll be able to take it much more calmly. It will also make you appreciate your current situation
— Accept that the ultimate outcome of your actions is beyond your direct control.
— Love everything that happens.
— Turn obstacles into opportunities.
— Be mindful. Observe yourself and go through your daily actions so that you can improve from your mistakes.
Writing down my on Philosophy of Life
After reading both books, and taking the course, I realised that all three sources have a lot of things in common. It's like Meaning, Happiness and Peace are very closely interrelated. It's like everyone is talking about pursuing the same thing but from different perspectives.
Taking all the lessons learnt in mind, I created what I believe is my own philosophy of life, a mix from all I have learnt and everything I believe fits my values and ethics. I encourage you to write down your own philosophy as well. Not just thinking about it, but actually writing it down. Whenever you feel lost or without direction, you can come back to your own philosophy for guidance.
Above, I wrote my own Philosophy of Life following an infographic format. That way I can print it out and put it on my desk. I want to keep my 4 pillars always visible and handy. I am writing the 4 pillars and their explanations again in text format, just for accessibility purposes, but if you have read the infographic you can skip this part, it's the same content.
- Love and Connection: Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality. Don’t only love people, but also everything that happens. Be grateful, generous and trustful.
- Wisdom and Work: We need to feel that we are good at something. We all can find a purpose in life by training our inherent talents and experiencing flow, by creating a work or by doing a deed. Learn, improve and apply reason before you act.
- Acceptance and Mindfulness: Accept that the ultimate outcome of your actions is beyond your direct control. Stop relying on outcomes for happiness. Focus on what you can control and accept what you can’t. Don’t judge past events and practise self-kindness
- Freedom and Actions: Every human being has the freedom to change at any instant. There are always choices to make. Don’t live in a state of ‘provisional existence’ and start taking actions now. Realise that you can turn obstacles into opportunities and a personal tragedy into a triumph or human achievements.
Feedback from this learning month
What went well 👍
- Found a lot of resources (maybe an overwhelming amount)
- I got my own Philosophy of Life!
- Feeling accomplished, like I can move on
What to improve 👎
- I should account for procrastination when doing my learnings
- Reflecting and thinking about one-self can be scary and tiring
- Be more realistic about future goals
