The Evolution of (My) Reason
I want to be a doctor, more now than ever.
Every medical student has one — a mental script explaining their motivations to become a doctor. Even in Indonesia, where interview is not part of the university admission test, we concoct all kinds of reasons and try to personalize it in a way that will stand out from the rest of “I want to help people” crowd. You want to impress your friends and family, of course.
I have one too. And looking back at the 5+ years I spent in medical school, my script has surely evolved. It is not so simple to explain now, with many interconnecting factors, but it naturally reflects on what I have learned in school, both inside and outside of the classroom.
Growing in a family of doctors — my grandparents are pediatric respirologists, and their siblings are spread among different specialties — my script began with “because I think what they are doing is awesome and I want to be like them”. Consequently, I had also decided to be a pediatrician too. Well, as a child, the thing that impresses me the most is that they get to travel a lot (and bringing me along sometimes). Honestly, I did not actually know what they do as a doctor. I only realized their responsibilities as care providers as well as educators when I started medschool.
In high school, the time when students are supposed to map out their future lives and choose a suitable college major, I firmly stuck with medicine. Not that I am never exposed to other career options: both my parents graduated from electrical engineering, a considerable part of my extended family are in the diplomatic corps, and some run businesses. Medicine set itself apart because of a simple thought, “after I graduate, I will become a doctor, no matter what happens”. Contrast that with graduates from, let’s say, engineering or political sciences, who may find themselves landing a job totally unrelated to their education. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but I am not very keen on navigating such complexity.
Starting pre-clinical years in medical school, I was simply motivated to be a great doctor. I want to provide excellent service to my patients, and to do that, I need to build a strong foundation of basic sciences, according to my grandparents’ advice. I find it very true today. One can be a doctor and treat people, but if he/she is only parroting senior doctors without a firm grasp of the basics, then it will often result in sub-optimal quality of care.
The clinical phase of medschool is where things got more complicated, but also more beautiful. Gaining knowledge and acquiring skills went hand in hand with a new appreciation forthe various wisdom taught in previous years. Things like “to cure sometimes, to relieve often, to comfort always”, showing humanistic qualities, and the art of medical practice insinuated themselves into my life through the patients to whom I am forever in debt for teaching me so much.
That’s where I learn that medicine is not only about treating diseases, but also about touching lives. Sometimes our patients are knocked down to rock bottom by their ailments, and the most helpful thing we can do is what my grandfather calls “memanusiakan manusia” (translated into Indonesian from his original Javanese). It means interacting with them as a whole person, not as ‘that boy with leukemia’ or ‘the non-compliant diabetic who is about to lose his left foot’. We are there to recognize and respond to their worries, concerns, hopes, and questions. We are there also to empower them, to help them stand on their own feet. That’s when we feel we have actually achieved something.
In terms of a career, I also see a wider range of options as a doctor. In a field as vast as medicine, there is a lot of niche to fill. A doctor has the choice to become a clinician, resarcher, teacher, public health practitioner, and many other roles as well as their combinations. My grandparents are clinicians who also taught in my alma mater and are active in the national pediatric TB eradication program. Some doctors choose to do researches in the very basic sciences like immunology or pharmacology. Currently I am very interested in becoming a clinician and a teacher, but having the world wide open excites me.
This profession of my choosing is indeed facing a great challenge in Indonesia, stemming from widespread misunderstanding of what a doctor is. That challenge will not dampen my spirit. I may sound very naive, but I have to thank my wonderful teachers who have shared their noble values and priceless experiences. That’s what keeps me going on each day in this uphill path.
