Family.

Five things I’ve learned over the past year.

  1. Family is not just the group of people you start your life but it evolves over time. Like any other person in your life, you can choose the extent of that connection. Nobody is obligated to rescue or save anybody else. Every relationship is defined by mutual trust, respect and love. You don’t have to do anything against your will, ever. You never have to feel guilty for leaving those who are toxic to your well being. Nobody that wants to hurt you belongs in your life. Choose love, for yourself and for others. You can’t use the label of “family” to force others to do things for you or accept you after you hurt them. Your only obligation as a human being is to not hurt others and push them into harms way.
  2. Family adds layers to an onion that makes your eyes tear up as you unpeel - how thick or toxic or sweet it is depends on the environment, the nurturing and all your various experiences. Responsible parents try to not add toxic layers to their kids and help them realize their potential without adding on their own expectations and fears. Raising someone based on fear, will create more fear. It could be a never ending cycle. Cycles are hard to break out of but not impossible. People are creatures of habits and would rather live in delusion than face their fears. Illusions are crutches to distract from facing reality. People continue to pick fear because they might not know any better. They might not know how to choose love. Don’t let your past hold you back, keep setting goals and pursuing your dreams and don’t let the tears and sweat get in the way.
  3. We are all born with so much potential to contribute to the world. The best gift you can ever give is give people the space to be themselves. It’s really a waste to be distracted by layers of fear and drama in your limited time alive that you forget to live your potential. There’s no question that there’s a forest to weed through to find your purpose — it’s how many tools, support, life lines do you have to do so. Everyone deserves a chance to find themselves along with the support and unconditional love of others. It’s tragic when someone doesn’t get a chance to wake up or have the perseverance to. It is a loss to humanity when people stay distracted and full of fear.
  4. The truth is we are all vulnerable and lost…no matter at what age. Uncertainty is not something to be fearful of. We’re constantly changing and evolving and nobody has it “figured out”. So instead of putting others down or keep others from shining so you look less lost. Choose love, kindness and compassion. It’s a much better compass to navigate through life with. Celebrate the good times and support others through the bad times. Keep learning, keep being vulnerable, keep trying. People that hurt you are simply trying to heal themselves. So hatred and anger and blame, doesn’t hurt them, it hurts you. Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. And remember, “Be Kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”
  5. When in doubt, Love is always the answer. Love for yourself. And love for others. It’s a scary thing to be based on, believe me. Your heart is exposed and you have potential for anybody else to take advantage of you, to crush you and leave you. You have to trust. You have to trust in the world and trust in yourself that you’ll make it even if someone crushes you. Living in love and reality has lots of advantages too — you get to admit you don’t know what the fuck is going on sometimes. You support others pursuit of happiness and finding their way. You are present, you are supported, you and everyone around you feel that its okay to be yourself. You forgive, you don’t hold grudges, you get to listen to yourself and choose what makes you happy and what doesn’t. You have the support to make mistakes and grow and learn. Love helps give you the courage to go out of your comfort zone with the knowing that you’ll land on your own two feet.

What I’ve learned is that everyone you meet is part of your family. What we do affects others and what they do affects us. Reinforcing the fact that if we are driven by love — we can support each other and lift each other up. That’s what it’s all about. Life’s not a race or a contest, it’s about constantly learning and improving and finding your gift, then giving it away.