Small words, big impact

If you’re not careful, the smallest words you use can demotivate your pair. This applies when pairing as peers, but especially so when pairing in a Leader/Adopter relationship.

Be positive rather than negative

Observe the difference between the following two ways that the programmer in the Leader role could respond when their pair adds a test to the codebase:

Using “but”:

“That’s good test but if we represented the delivery type as an enum, not a string, we could rely on the type checker, and [points at a line of code on the screen] not need to test that aspect of the behaviour.”

Using “and”:

“That’s good test and if we represent the delivery type as an enum, not a string, we can rely on the type checker, and [points at a line of code on the screen] not need to test that aspect of the behaviour.”

The tiny differences in wording conveys very different messages to the pair in the Adopter role, although the pair in the Leader role probably doesn’t notice the difference nor consciously chose one over the other.

The Leader’s use of “but” in the first example expresses a contrast between what their pair has done and what they would do. It implies that they want to delete and redo some of their pairs work. The use of “and” in the second example expresses agreement, and indicates that they will work together to build upon the Adopter’s work and make it even better.

Avoid trivialising

Words that imply that what the Leader is doing is trivial chip away at an Adopter’s confidence. Avoid using words like ‘just’, ‘merely’, ‘little’, ‘as simple as’, ‘obviously’, to describe what you’re doing or want your pair to do.

“Obviously, I just have to add a few simple Hibernate annotations to make the object persistent.”

When you’re acting as a Leader, remember that it’s only trivial for you because of your years of hard-won experience. The Adopter is still winning that experience the hard way.

What can the Leader do?

It’s difficult to police your language as you talk. While you’re building new habits, your conversation will feel stilted and awkward. It’s easy to forget and slip back into bad habits.

One thing you can do is admit you need help. Be honest about the difficulty and ask your pair to correct you if they notice you using negative or trivialising words.

Another helpful strategy is to offer praise before offering criticism. It lets the Adopter know that their work is valued and fosters positive conditions for accepting constructive feedback.