The Power of Therapeutic Play

Engaging in child-led story time with my students at Pono in New York City.

Sitting in a hospital playroom with a young patient, I watched him bang two toy cars over and over again for the duration of his visit. If I hadn’t already known his history, I might have been tempted to redirect his play to something more “appropriate.” But I knew that he had just been in a car accident with his family and I repeated my personal motto in my mind: “Children know what they need to heal.”

Decades of research show the amazing benefits of play. Because children express themselves more fully through self-initiated and spontaneous play than they do verbally, playing out their experiences and feelings is natural and self-healing. Children use play to deal with stress, organize their experiences, control their impulses, see from others’ perspectives, and to communicate when they can’t tell us what’s wrong.

4 Ways to Foster Therapeutic Play at Home

At a time when our world is in commotion, here are some ways to encourage therapeutic play:

1. Talk less; smile more.

Make time in your day to be fully present with your child. Genuinely be with your child. The quality of your attention is more important than the quantity of your attention. Magda Gerber, an early childhood educator known for respectful caregiving, used to say that it is much better to give a child 100% attention 50% of the time than 50% attention 100% of the time. When my son was little, I would tell him that I was going to turn off my phone so that I could be with him. He would beam with happiness! Now that he’s older, he’s a good reminder of “get off your phone and pay attention to me.” When we sit quietly yet attentively with our children while they play, they feel nurtured and validated.

2. Let it go.

It can be exciting to share our ideas with children or to show them how it’s done. When it comes to play, believe in your child’s capacity for self-direction. This is a child’s time to direct his own life, to make decisions, feel a sense of control, and to bring forth whatever is longing to be expressed. When adults play with children, they usually end up (unintentionally, of course) directing, dominating, or changing the play. You don’t need to (nor should you) initiate “healing play.” Trust your child’s choice in toys and how they play with them, only giving limits of physical and personal safety.

3. Set the scene.

If your child is the writer, director, and actor of their play, then your job is stage crew. Simple and open-ended toys encourage deeper play. When my son was younger, he had several hospital visits. We began collecting safe medical items that we could add to his play space. My intention was not to get him to process his experiences, but rather to add items that I thought might be meaningful to him. If you have a new baby in the house, it might be thoughtful to include a doll and baby items, but don’t be surprised if your child uses them differently than you imagined. And shhhhhh, please don’t interrupt the play!

4. Get a breath of fresh air.

Being outside in nature is calming and therapeutic. Your current situation may not permit you to spend hours outside in nature every day, but there are things you can do right now. Prioritize outside play into your schedule, even if that means only briefly right now. As your situation improves, plan ahead for parks or forests you want to visit in the future. Get creative on how you can bring the outdoors, inside — set up a window bird feeder, plant a window garden, or gather rocks or sticks. Our family travels frequently and when my son was little, he collected nature from all over the United States. We had two stick boxes, one for big sticks and one for small sticks. He always remembered where he found that stick and why it had special meaning to him. Though he’s outgrown his stick collection, he proudly keeps his nature box and often takes time to fondly reminisce each rock, sea shell, snake skin, bird feather, and treasure he saves.

Whatever the age of your child, I encourage you to take a step back and notice the way they play. I guarantee you will learn something about your child, as well as yourself.

Jefra Rees is a full-time educator at Pono (NYC’s only democratic and outdoor school). She holds a Bachelor’s Degree in Human Development and Family Sciences, as well as a Master’s in Early Childhood Special Education, both from the University of Texas at Austin. She has worked with children and families in a variety of settings, including hospital child life, early intervention, and substance abuse treatment programs. She is a strong advocate for respectful caregiving, child-led free play, spending time outside and in nature, and supporting the social-emotional development of children. Jefra, along with her husband and son, live in Harlem and enjoy traveling in and out of the country.

More Parent Resources
To learn more about how to bring therapeutic play to your family, schedule a free consultation with Jefra here. To learn more about Pono and explore online programs for children ages 2–15, visit us here.

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