How to Support a Loved One with Depression
The road to recovery via understanding and normalising mental health.
Whether you are aware of it or not, chances are you know somebody living with depression. Depression is one of the leading causes of disability across the world, with over 300 million adults and young people suffering with this mental illness. Despite this, mental illness is still commonly misunderstood. Depression is taken for sadness, laziness or unfriendliness far too often when, in fact, the reality is much more serious.
While depression is an extremely difficult illness for an individual to live with, it is also something that the people around them must cope with. Supporting a friend or family member with mental illness isn’t easy and can often seem impossible. Nevertheless, your support is one of the most valuable things that you can offer to a loved one suffering with depression.
Talking and Listening
Individuals suffering with depression can feel like a burden and will self-isolate, creating a distance between themselves and their loved ones and shying away from talking. Explaining how mental illness impacts your life can be difficult, embarrassing and draining, so the conversation shouldn’t be forced. However, creating a safe space where they may eventually feel able to talk is the first step to recovery. Although this discussion can feel complicated and conversations can be difficult to navigate, showing your support is vital. Asking what you can do to help or simply just providing company can make their situation much less daunting and lonely.
It’s okay to ask questions if you don’t understand but remember your boundaries and aim to educate yourself privately to avoid creating an uncomfortable misunderstanding. Letting your loved one know that you’re there for them, showing empathy and interest and, most importantly, appreciating the strength that it took for them to open up are all essential to creating an environment of trust in which they can grow.
Patience is Paramount
Normalisation of the condition is a step towards acceptance and change. Since the symptoms and experiences of depression can vary vastly from one person to another, it can be a very slow process involving a lot of trial and error to find what works best. Furthermore, what worked best before may not be best this time. Of course, this process can feel tedious, repetitive and fruitless. This is why patience is so important.
Staying patient with your loved one is paramount to their recovery and, even though it may not always seem it, is extremely appreciated. Living with depression can be draining and you often lose patience with yourself, making it impossible to see how others could persist and stay by your side. Learning your loved one’s specific symptoms, triggers and struggles can be useful ways of working towards positive coping mechanisms and healthy habits. In this way, encouragement to stick with therapy or medication, inspire positive thought and maintain a growth mindset are easy ways of supporting a loved one with depression.
Mental illness doesn’t simply disappear overnight. There is no clear recovery timeline so assumptions should not be made regarding someone’s progress. So, when your patience begins to wear thin, take a step back to recuperate your strength and remind yourself not to take things personally. We are trying our best.
What Not to Do
One of the first and most important things to bear in mind is that if there’s something you wouldn’t say to someone living with a physical condition, you probably shouldn’t say it to someone living with a mental illness. Understanding the difference between depression and sadness can be a first step to crafting your response to someone with a mental illness. Unlike sadness, depression lingers and intensifies, often without reason. If you treat them as if they are just having a bad day, as everyone has, their feelings will be undermined and their experience invalidated.
Avoid giving advice unless asked. It may be very tempting to say ‘I understand’ or ‘we’ve all been there’ but comparing experience can minimise and undermine their feelings. Remember, they may have tried certain coping mechanisms or may feel like nobody could possibly understand their situation. Instead, it is best to stick to being empathetic, validating their pain and letting them know that they aren’t alone.
Take Care of Yourself
You are not responsible for fixing them. Your role is to be a companion, a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. Setting boundaries and helping them come up with a plan, rather than making yourself the solution, is important to their independent recovery. Letting your loved one become dependent on your support is unrealistic in regard to long-term recovery.
The absolute most important thing to remember is that if you put all your energy into supporting a friend or family member with depression then you have little energy left for yourself. Look after yourself too! It’s okay to take a break and involve other friends, creating a wide support network where you are not their only carer. Talking, listening and supporting a loved one with a mental illness takes incredible strength and kindness, so you deserve just as much care.
Without your love and understanding, your support in creating a ‘pocket of normality’, it would be far more difficult to live with depression. Thank you.
Did you know that LUU has a team of trained advisors?
Whatever you are struggling with, nothing is too big or too small. The advisors can offer expert, confidential and independent advice for free to all University of Leeds students.
Where possible, advice will be given on the day. If not, you will be booked in for a drop-in. In this 45-minute one-to-one session, the adviser will give you tailored support and advice on your problem. Usually you will have the same advisor throughout any continued support after this.
Find them in the LUU foyer, ring them on 0113 3801 400 or email them here (helpandsupport@luu.leeds.ac.uk).
