I stood up after being harassed on a night out. This is what happened.
Preface from the editor — this story recounts harassment which occurred on a night out. If you have faced such events yourself and would like support, I have added links at the bottom of this article.
Today is exactly two weeks since something happened to me, that I will never forget. On a Friday night, I decided to go out with some friends to celebrate a birthday. I thought it would be a typical students’ night out, but it ended up with me crying and with a swollen face. After the usual pre-drinks with my friend (you know how students are, we are always trying to save some pounds), we headed out to Pryzm. The night was fun, and I had some more drinks there.
Just after 2:30am my friends and I took some pictures and I decided that I would go home. So, I was just finishing the last drink, standing close to the bar, when I felt someone grab my bum. That was not the first time that something like this happened to me and I am sure most women have experienced the same. Sometimes I just ignore it; but sometimes I ask, Are you crazy? That Saturday, I decided not to ignore it because I felt so outraged. How could they act so casually, as if I was a piece of meat? He wasn’t even flirting with me or whatever that could justify it.
He walked up, squeezed my bum and then made his way to leave. In my enraged state, I asked him Why the hell did you do that? I slapped his back to make him stop. The next thing I remember, I was on the floor and my friend was helping me to stand up again.
He had hit me in the face. I felt so embarrassed. I just said that I wanted to go home. And then I saw three people holding him, so he wouldn’t run away. Someone from the club came to ask me if I wanted to make a complaint and I said, Hell yeah! At this point, I noticed that I was bleeding because I had blood on my hands.
They took me to the First Aid room where everyone was very helpful and tried to understand what just happened. I just felt like crying constantly and I couldn’t stop because somehow, I felt embarrassed for being perceived as weak. The bouncer asked me again if I wanted to call the police and then I started feeling like maybe it was my fault. Why did I decide to go after him and slap his back? However, more than one worker from Pryzm told me I was not wrong as the guy harassed me.
I guess because it’s the norm for girls to expect that they will receive unwarranted touching on a night out, we forget that this is harassment.
My mind running. Was I wearing something inappropriate?; Was I dancing too much? But even if I was, I shouldn’t feel like I did something wrong or that I was asking for it.
The police came and told me they would visit my flat the next day because legally they can’t take statements if a person is under the influence. After more than 40 minutes in the First Aid room, they said I could go home. It was in my bathroom mirror, that I saw how bad my face was. Before that, I felt a part of my face becoming numb, but I thought it wasn’t very noticeable.
I went home without asking what would happen to the guy or who he was. The only thing they told me was that it wasn’t the first time that he was involved in something like this at the club.
I didn’t sleep well that night. I felt alone without having my family or any close friends to stay with me. Plus, I knew the police would come in the morning.
Two policemen came to my flat and asked me all the details so they could write my testimony. Some questions were like: how drunk were you on a scale from 0 to 10?; Do you remember the guy?; How does he look like?
The thing is I didn’t see his face clearly, but I just KNEW I went after the right guy. My statement was ready, I signed, and the police left. One hour later, two other policewomen came to take some photos from my face to attach to the case.
Some hours later the police called me to say that the guy denied grabbing my bum but confirmed he punched me in the face. They said he was released and that the police would watch the CCTV. They also said he will probably be prosecuted. I asked if he was from Leeds and they said he doesn’t live in the city.
Little by little my face started to return to normal but even today it is not completely healed. I just hope that I will not be left with a permanent mark. I am grateful that I had support; from those here in England and my friends and family in Brazil.
As I don’t have a picture of his face in my mind, it is like he doesn’t exist. Because of this, the anger I once had, isn’t with me now. I was offered support from Victim Support, a charity that provides help for victims in West Yorkshire. I don’t think this episode messed with my mental health. I now I am a strong woman whose worth is not dictated by the actions of a man.
I am waiting for the police to tell me what will happen next.
I know that worse things happen to women and I don’t feel like I have much to complain about. I wish that women could feel safe without exception.
I decided to write this to share my story, and I hope my story will empower other women.
I hope to show that women shouldn’t be ashamed and accept harassment as the norm. If you ask me how I would behave if this happened to me again, I wouldn’t know the answer. I think that I shouldn’t let it go if I feel disrespected by someone, but I’ll always consider what will happen if I decide not to.
Support contacts:
Leeds University Union — Student Support
This is a valuable resource, with dedicated and caring staff available for support
In person — In the foyer (Main room) of the Union, next to the Help Desk (ask them if lost)
Telephone — 0113 3801 400
Email — advice@luu.leeds.ac.uk
Victim Support
Telephone — 08081689111
Email — https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help/supportline/email-supportline
Nightline number — 01133801285
E-mail — listening@leedsnightline.co.uk
If you require a listening ear, Nightline is a great resource. They are a non-advisory confidential helpline. They are open 8am-8pm if you would like to call.
SupportLine
Providing emotional support and details of counsellors, support groups and agencies throughout the UK
Telephone — 01708 765200
Email — info@supportline.org.uk
