My Not-So Epic Battle Against Depression and Anxiety
Learning to live with mental illness
“I’m fine”, the biggest lie most of us tell on a day-to-day basis. As invisible illnesses, mental health problems often remain unaddressed and unidentified, left to grow and fester inside the individual.
While “I’m fine” is an easy way to deflect people from your internal struggle, mental illness can manifest itself in a number of behaviours that are frequently ignored or misunderstood: self-isolation, skipping meals and oversleeping to name a few. But, of course, such self-destructive behaviours vary from person to person which makes it difficult to recognise if somebody is struggling with a mental illness. University can be a lonely place and it is not uncommon for you to feel lost in the crowd; isolated with your own negative thoughts. This is why starting a conversation on mental health awareness is so important.
Depression and anxiety are illnesses that I have struggled with since puberty and continue to face every day. It began as feelings of being constantly overwhelmed. Social interactions with strangers, busy public spaces and confrontations became my biggest fears. Eventually, I felt beyond help, unable to deal with things that everybody else could do with ease — like ordering at a restaurant or asking for assistance in a shop.
I felt as though these fears and anxieties compromised who I was as a person and made me seem stupid, pathetic and unlikeable. I retreated into myself and hid from my friends and family until I couldn’t hold it in anymore and had a panic attack in my chemistry classroom in Secondary School. Since then I have received help through counselling, medication and support from those close to me.
Talking is always the best possible option– it was the hardest thing for me to do but the best thing I ever did.
My negative feelings haven’t completely disappeared. My anxiety ebbs and flows like the tide and my depression lingers over my head, like a cloud covering the sunshine, making the sky seem a little lower some days. But surrounding yourself with the right people to help you hold the sky up a little higher and brush the clouds away can make a world of difference.
With the right support network and the adoption of positive habits, I have been able to take each day as it comes. It may sound trivial to those who haven’t experienced mental illness to any degree, but my most valued achievements in the past few years have been talking on the phone to a stranger about issues with my phone network, walking through the Christmas markets without having a panic attack and giving presentations in seminars with an air of confidence.
Breaking the stigma is so important for us to work towards as students and as a generation where three-quarters of mental health problems are diagnosed by the age of 24. In a TEDx Talk in Brighton, Jake Tyler succinctly describes depression as the biggest, most inclusive club in the world. He highlights that the biggest trick of this club is convincing those within it that they are the only member. But talking about the feeling, empathising with one another and sharing our experiences, rather than creating a hierarchy of ‘who has it the worst’, can create a community of people where nobody feels alone in their struggle.
Did you know that LUU has a team of trained advisors?
Whatever you are struggling with, nothing is too big or too small. The advisors can offer expert, confidential and independent advice for free to all University of Leeds students.
Where possible, advice will be given on the day. If not, you will be booked in for a drop-in. In this 45-minute one-to-one session, the adviser will give you tailored support and advice on your problem. Usually you will have the same advisor throughout any continued support after this.
Find them in the LUU foyer, ring them on 0113 3801 400 or email them here (helpandsupport@luu.leeds.ac.uk).
