Put your phone down and listen up
How can we use active listening to improve our interpersonal relationships?
Today marks World Mental Health Day. Mental health problems can affect anyone, any day of the year but today is a day to show your support for better mental health and start looking after your own wellbeing. An important part of wellbeing is the relationships we have with the people around us and how well we communicate with them. With university life being so hectic, it is important that we make the most of the time and conversations we have with these people. One way to do this is to use active listening skills…
We have all had conversations when we feel like the other person just is not listening; they’re glancing at their phone, their eyes are glazed over, and their thoughts are elsewhere. And if we are being honest, we have probably done the same to others. But by doing so, we are sabotaging our basic human interactions and the development of what could be crucial relationships with others. Next time you are listening to someone, have a think about whether you are really listening. Are you actively understanding the message they are trying to get across? Are you following the flow of the conversation? Are you able to give active feedback?
If your answer is ‘yes’ to all of these questions it means you are being an active listener. Active listening involves giving your intentional focus to what someone says and enhances a shared understanding. It is a powerful tool that can help develop relationships, increase productivity and lead to personal development. Here are a couple of simple tricks that will start you on the path of ‘active listening’ and all the benefits it has to offer:
Put your phone down
Previous research has shown that even having a smartphone nearby can significantly reduce the quality of real-life social interactions (1). Putting your phone away, offers up the opportunity to engage with what the person is saying and not have your attention split by noisy notifications.
Don’t make assumptions
Regardless of where you think the conversation is going, make sure you let the other person finish. It is easy to think we know what the speaker is going to say and jump in to finish the sentence. However, this is a sign that the mind is preparing to respond, instead of preparing to understand. Take the time to listen to the speakers’ points and process the information, your response can wait!
Clarify
Just asking simple questions like ‘can you go over this point again?’ and ‘is this what you mean by…?’ will demonstrate to the speaker that you are absorbing and processing the information provided. It also gives you the opportunity to clarify information so that your response is more appropriate. Asking open-ended questions will also allow the speaker to expand on their points.
Respond
We can’t necessarily control our first reaction to what is being said however we can choose our response. We can choose to focus on making our body language more explicit to share our concern or show encouragement. For example, by sitting up and leaning in or nodding your head. Your response could be an acknowledgement of what someone is going through. Whilst body language isn’t necessarily part of the active listening process, performing these cues will prompt you to engage with the conversation and provide encouragement to the speaker. Sometimes you may struggle to respond as you are feeling that you need to offer advice or something else to alleviate someone’s pain. But simply showing attention and curiosity can be a massive source of comfort for someone.
Communication can be a challenge in any type of relationship. Try using these techniques in different conversations throughout the day. You will be surprised how much the quality of your conversations begin to improve, and as a result your relationships to those around you.
References
(1) The iPhone Effect: The Quality of In-Person Social Interactions in the Presence of Mobile Devices. S. Mirsa et al. (2014) Available at https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0013916514539755
