Hold on, before you let go.
The here and now between phases.
Human relationships are fragile, they’re not strong, especially if they’re not bound by societal structures. The structure of being associated by blood, by legalities or by social contracts, everything else is quite finicky, and often holds lesser value than the rest. When you see someone saying, ‘family comes first’ — that thought is behind the fact that unless you make someone truly your family, they’re all second priority — family evolves from blood relations to societal contracts and nothing else. So, what about friendships, what about the in-between of more than a friendship, less than the love? what about love? what about everything that’s fluid?
Well, that is fluid. It will change, it will leave, it will take its own form. Texting someone every night doesn’t make them your family even though they know more secrets about you than your sibling. Going to college with someone doesn’t mean you will share the same equations as you go forward of a deep friendship and collective gambling with drugs and drinks — it often means becoming acquaintances in the coming days, professional contacts in a few years and probably recognizable strangers in the next few. It’s not something one can stick to. Same with high school and college love, it just isn’t made to sustain — unless you’ve figured out your routes further. It will change. Everything will. Then what is it about the fluid state of youth that people strive for the most?
I find a lot of my senior mates telling me,
“Oh you’re in your early twenties, you’re yet to make mistakes.”
“Oh you’re at the pinnacle of your youth, please have the most fun you can.”
“Oh, you’re so living the life right now! I wish I could have your life!”
Well, and in this side of the world, where people are in their early — mid-twenties, they’re often striving for,
“Oh, I wish I could make more! I’m almost broke after the first week of the month!”
“Oh, I wish I wasn’t so lonely right now, so need to have someone to share life with! Life needs to be so much more stable!”
“Oh, no one takes me seriously at the company only because of my age, is that really a factor for judging someone? If it’s only age, then probably my boss giving the same ideas might be validated for it!”
I understand that fluidity has a certain sense of freedom, at least a perceived one, but there are constraints to that, just like the constraints that we have with stable lifestyles, the freshness needs to be regenerated again. At every phase of our journeys, whether it is life or a certain relationship — in the beginning things are fresh yet unstable, when they become stable, they tend to rot — so what is it that we strive for — neither stability nor fluidity, it is the constant change that we’re looking for always. A change in the air, a change in dialogue, a change in what we do. Even though internally we all resist change, being comfortable in our ‘here and now’, we all aspire for it.
We only want the good things that life has to offer, we want the fluidity with the capital and family waiting back for us, we want the success without putting ourselves in uncomfortable, challenging situations, we want everything without giving up one for another — but somewhere we’re only getting prepared for what is next, the next big thing, which leads to the next big thing and so on. Aspirations change, we feel that the next big thing will bring so much happiness or success, but when that’s achieved, there’s a new aspiration to chase, a new change to encounter, a new phase to be in. Let’s not chase the phases of life in the ages we live, but the changes that we want to have in the here and now.
