San Francisco’s Worst Drivers

If you see these folks on the road, get out of the way.

San Francisco has one of the highest car/pedestrian accident rates in the nation — nearly a thousand each year. I recently wrote a piece, called “San Francisco’s Walking Dead,” about the city’s misguided approach to this crisis. Until recently, policies have focused solely on blaming drivers — and I argued that distracted pedestrians (re: smartphones) are also responsible.

Don’t get me wrong — I pointed out that the city has plenty of terrible drivers, but some thought I let them off too easily.

Fair enough.

So I’ve compiled a list of what I’ve observed to be the city’s worst drivers. Is it scientific? Well, I’m closing in on nearly twenty years as a resident, and I can summarize my expertise in two words: I drive.

I walk and take public transit too, but I’ve always been comfortable driving — even in big cities — because as a lifelong journalist I’ve had to get to stories. In the news business, stories don’t exclusively happen next to bus stops. And news is often time sensitive. You need to get there quickly, and not 45 minutes later because the K-Ingleside got stuck again in the tunnel.

In recent years I’ve been driving an electric car, which has made me even more hypersensitive to the city’s worst drivers. Why? My car doesn’t make sounds, and others can’t hear me approaching, so I must drive defensively. Spotting bad drivers is an act of self-preservation.

To be clear, this list does not include the obvious suspects that exist everywhere: those who text and drive, use hand-held phones, wear headphones, eat while driving, speed too fast, or are otherwise distracted, reckless and selfish.

No, this is San Francisco. We’ve got our own special brands of bad drivers…

Stuffed Animals in the Back Window

When you see a car with only adult occupants and a back window cluttered with stuffed animals, bad driving is sure to follow. It’s not just that they can’t see out the window, or that the idea of adults collecting stuffed animals is a tad creepy. These drivers mistake their cars for something other than a mode of transportation — like it’s the set for “Hoarding: Vehicle Edition.”

At the very least, driving isn’t the only thing on the person’s mind in that car, and that’s a bad idea in one of America’s most congested cities.

The last time I was behind one of these drivers the person constantly stopped…at every green light.

Car Sharing Services

Practice makes perfect, and good driving on urban streets is an acquired skill. Car sharing services are hugely popular in a city that has a shortage of parking, and they might be great for the environment, but you can see what happens when someone only drives once every six months — they’ve forgotten the rules of the road.

Recently on Noe Street I saw a car share driver blow through three consecutive stop signs. Buddy, I realize it’s been a while since you were behind the wheel, but you’ve forgotten what stop signs are? Really?

It doesn’t help that San Francisco has it’s own set of rules that rarely appear anywhere else in the United States. 15th Street, as just one example, is two-way traffic, then one-way, then two-way. And that’s just in the course of a few blocks. Even experienced city drivers have been known to turn onto one-way streets going the wrong way.

Beware the share.

Big Hats

If you’re already inside, encased in metal and protected from the glare of the sun, why wear a big hat while driving? Perhaps it’s fashion, but there’s a direct correlation between bad driving and the size of a driver’s hat. If you see someone wearing a huge, floppy brim, chances are they can’t see you. They’ve blocked their own peripheral vision.

It’s style over substance — a venerable San Francisco tradition.

A friend recently moved to the trendy Mission neighborhood from the east coast and asked me, “Why is everyone here in costume?” Dress-up is fun, and it’s fabulous to have developed an elaborate personal flair, but when it comes to driving: millinery = mayhem.

Prius Drivers

I asked a cyclist friend who he thought the worst drivers in the city were, and before I could finish my question he blurted out: “Prius drivers!”

I wondered if that was because, like my electric vehicle, their cars don’t make much sound — something that would surely catch anyone on a bike by surprise. No, my friend said, he was sure it was a sense of entitlement — that they’re better than everyone else.

They think they’re saving the planet, he explained. So you’d better get out of their way.

Ouch.

“Free Tibet” Bumper Stickers

Along the same line of do-gooders, and something that seems counterintuitive, I’ve noticed that people who have “Free Tibet” bumper stickers on their cars are among the most aggressive drivers in the city. Perhaps they’ve channeled all their Zen lovingness into supporting the Dalai Lama, but it seems like whenever I get cut off in traffic the offending drivers have “Free Tibet” on their tails.

I’m not going to argue that this makes any sense. When I shared this observation with a friend, she said I was wrong — that the most aggressive drivers are those with “Coexist” bumper stickers, featuring a conglomeration of various religious symbols.

Oh no, said another friend, the worst drivers are those with the “God is My Co-Pilot” stickers. Apparently some believe that Jesus doesn’t have anything better to do than ride shotgun in a minivan.

Okay, so maybe it’s just those who mix religion with driving.

After all, every driver in San Francisco knows that prayer should be saved for those moments when you’re looking for street parking.