Game of Thrones and the Women of Westeros 5/5
“Kill the Boy.” I wish I could. By the boy, I mean Ramsay. So much.
Previously
On the previouslies, we get Maester Aemon, reminiscing to Jon that he could have been king, but he let his crazy-ass brother rule instead. Worst idea ever, but I’m happy because that means we get to see my favorite magical old person (why is there not a trope for this?). We also see poor Olly when the Wildlings raided his village and Theon in his brief time ruling Winterfell. It reminds me not to pity him too much. Other than that, I went into the last episode here.
In a nutshell…
All last week I was trying to peg that image of Ser Barristan on a stone slab in the meeting room as anything but funereal. The show does not toy with my emotions on that. He’s dead. Fine. No good reason for it that I can see, but fine. Hizdahr Zo Lorak comes in to pretend to be sympathetic, but Daenerys is having none of it and has him and his former slave master buddies rounded up and brought to the dungeons, where we see Viserion and Rhaegal, raring to spit-fire somebody. One of the noblemen is pushed forward and promptly fried and eaten. Dany gets close to Hizdahr and wonders if the dragons should decide who is guilty or not among them. He gives her the old “Valar Morghulis.” She ends the fun for today, stonefaced.
At the wall, Sam is reading the Narrow Sea Bugle to Maester Aemon, admiring Dany’s strength. But Ameon is just depressed that one of the only remaining Targaryens is all alone with no family to guide her when Jon comes in to speak to the Maester alone. Jon wants his advice on doing something that will make half the Night’s Watch hate him. Aemon says they already do and advises him to do it, whatever it is, “kill the boy and let the man be born.”
Jon goes to Tormund. He wants him to go North and gather the rest of the free folk to fight with them against what is coming and protect the realms of men. They argue back and forth. The men aren’t much happier when he brings it before them. But Jon’s argument to all is that the Wildlings are better off on their side then dead and added to the army of creepy ice zombies. He’s got a point, but I can see why the men and Olly in particular are upset about aligning with Wildlings after that bloody battle.
We cut to an inn in a northern village, where Brienne is moodily contemplating Winterfell. When a crotchety old guy comes in to bring water, she tries to feel out if he’s on Team Stark or Team Bolton. Crotchety is Stark loyalist and Brienne convinces him she is, too, repeating that she swore an oath to Lady Catelyn and that oath holds even after her death. She knows Sansa is in there and that he must, too. She wants him to get a message to her. The message is given through our old friend, Mrs. North-Rememberton…
Then we cut to naked icky times with Myranda and The Bastard (which we don’t need gifs of). She’s jealous of Sansa, since Ramsay was supposed to marry her so they could torture people together forever back before he got legitimized. He threatens her not bore him with this shit. She bites him and draws blood. They’re just a fun couple!
Later, she goes off to find Sansa, who’s staring at the broken tower, the same one Bran fell from when all the crazy began. Myranda meangirls Sansa, pretending to admire her dress and her sewing skills, fakes sympathy for her losses. She tells Sansa it’s good her mother taught her to sew so she has that to remember her by, then says she can show her something else. She brings her to the kennels and tells her there’s a surprise at the end. Sansa…
Sansa passes all the snarling Bolton dogs to find Theon in the last pen. She marches out in disgust.
We cut to Theon getting his master dressed. Ramsay pushes him and Theon confesses Sansa saw him. Ramsay makes him get on his knees and give him his hand and me and Theon are both waiting for the skin-peeling. But Ramsay claims to forgive him. At dinner with the Boltons, Ramsay toasts to the wedding and Walda says it must be hard for Sansa, “being in a strange place.” Oh, Walda! Try to pay attention to who’s who. “This isn’t a strange place. This is my home. It’s the people who are strange.” Ramsay pretends to agree and brings Theon in to pour more wine. He asks Sansa if she’s still angry about what Theon did. “Don’t worry. The North remembers.” Bastard of Bolton, you are not Northerner enough to say that!
He tells her Theon is Reek now and makes him apologize for killing her brothers, then says Reek is the nearest thing she has to kin and should give her away at the wedding. This is just so screwed up on so many levels, but Roose agrees, then shares his good news: Walda is pregnant and it might be a boy. The Bastard is not happy (and I love Sansa’s little smile when he gets the news).
He and Roose talk later where he makes fun of Walda’s weight, but Roose thinks he has no room to talk after his dinner shenanigans. Ramsay is afraid, if it’s a boy, he’ll lose his new position as heir. Roose reassures him (through a creepy, cruel story that involved him raping Ramsay’s mother and threatening to have the both of them killed when she ended up with a baby — just a day in the life of a Bolton) that he’s his son. They move to the war table. Roose knows Stannis will come from The Wall to take the north first. Ramsay agrees to help defeat him. I’m Team Stannis 5EVA on this one.
Back at The Wall, Gilly is wondering if The Wall has the most books in the world and is annoyed when Sam corrects her, that the Citadel has the biggest library. He wanted to be a Maester when he was young, but his father wanted him at the wall (and probably long dead by now). He’s glad of it, since he met Gilly. Stannis comes in and Gilly scurries away. Stannis knows his father to have been a good soldier. He doesn’t think Sam looks to be the same, but he did kill a Walker with dragonglass. Stannis wonders how. Sam has been studying up that very mystery. They both agree, they need to find out how to fight the army of the dead. “Keep reading, Samwell Tarly.” Once again, Stannis is getting points from me. He’s the only monarch around thinking of the real threat, way up north. There’s also this little gem…
But thinking is the end of it. He’s more focused on taking the land. He wants to take his men to fight The Boltons now and bring Shireen and Selyse. Dangerous as it is, they might be safer than at The Wall. Shireen talks excitedly to Davos about seeing the crypts at Winterfell, where all the old Kings in the North are buried. Selyse can’t stand to see her daughter smile, so she breaks it up, saying he’ll “scare the child.”
I love them both so very much!
Stannis takes leave of Jon, complaining about how Jon is going with Tormund to recruit the Wildlings with some of his ships. Jon promises he’ll have them back and wishes him a safe journey. Then they hug and cry tears of manpain about their shared time and how ruling stuff sucks. Not really. Stannis just grunts and claims frontsies, taking the horse next to Mel. As for Mel, she gives Jon a creepy smile before they all ride off.
In Meereen, Greyworm wakes to Nurse Missandei. She gives him the bad news about Ser Barristan. Me and Greyworm are not taking it well. He feels like a failure, not for being outnumbered and ambushed, but for feeling afraid when he was almost killed. He confesses he was only afraid he wouldn’t see Missandei again. Corny as all hell, but it gets him a kiss.
Later, Dany paces about how much bad advice she’s been taking from her council. She wants to know what Missandei thinks. Missandei demurs at first, but Dany thinks Missandei’s experience has weight. Missandei says she’s seen Dany listen to her counselors and has seen her also ignore them when there was a better choice, “one that only you could see.” With that Dany goes off to the Dungeons to see Hizdahr.
Hizdahr: My queen, please don’t do this.
Dany: What about Valar Morghulis.
Hizdahr: I did not want to die a coward. Apparently, I do not want to die at all.
She’s not there to make him dragon bait. She tells him she was wrong about not reopening the fighting pits, that tradition is important. She says she will marry the leader of an ancient family to form a bond with the Meerenese. “Thankfully, a suitor is already on his knees.” She leaves him with the door to his cell open.
Off the coast of wherever, Tyrion is complaining about Jorah’s silence. He offers to start over and apologizes for his mouthiness and asks (of course!) if there’s wine. Negatory. But he does deduce they’re sailing through Valyria. It’s all in ruins and most think it’s cursed. Tyrion waxes poetic and they quote the old poems together. It’s all pretty depressing until Drogon flies over and Tyrion sits up straighter. They’re not allowed to gaze in wonderment for long.
Some Stone Men ambush their boat, hissing and growling. I’m glad poor Shireen wasn’t sent off to live with these jerks when she got the greyscale! Jorah fights them off as best as he can with an oar and Tyrion can barely fight as his hands are still tied. He’s knocked into the water, where more Stone Men pull him under. Luckily, they don’t cliffhang on that.
He comes to on the shore and Jorah finally cuts his hands free. Jorah makes sure none touched Tyrion (on the skin, I’m assuming). Tyrion begrudgingly thanks Jorah for saving him. They’ve lost the boat, though, so it’s a walk from now on. Jorah leaves him to rest and wanders off. We think it’s just to stare moonily in the general direction of Daenerys, but no. It’s to show us this…
Passing The Bechdel Test…
Dany and Missy pass us this week. Sansa and Mrs. North-Rememberton’s brief exchange might have, otherwise, but she doesn’t have a real name yet.
The Women of Westeros…
I’m not a big fan of Daenerys making her own decisions so far, especially if they involve letting her dragons fire up and eat whoever happens to be convenient. Does she even know that guy was in on this? I think having counsel and forethought is good for anyone, so I don’t agree with Missandei that Dany’s own instincts are always somehow better. Barristan may have been too lenient and Daario too rough, but Dany always went with one or the other and didn’t bother to think the right decision was somewhere between. Aemon’s right. It’s a shame he’s nowhere near her. She needs a Maester in her cabal. I don’t think he’d counsel her to be either too cruel or too merciful. And I don’t think marrying Hizdahr is a good move. He’s a toady who makes himself agreeable to get his own way.
I like the idea of Missandei getting more of Dany’s ear in counsel. Shame they didn’t do anything with it but have Missandei give her some “trust your instincts” malarkey. I was hoping she’d start to shape up along the lines of Book Missandei. I mean, she’s ten or eleven, but she has a lot of gumption and political savvy. Maybe Show Missandei will get there.
It was nice to see Brienne’s “I served Lady Catelyn” spiel find an audience for a change. I’m assuming she doesn’t want Sansa to know who she is just yet, but wants to keep the window open. Smart of her, not to tip her hand too soon. Maybe she can gather a few Stark loyalists to her cause while she’s waiting.
Sansa really is with the worst people in Westeros. At least she seems to have more of an inkling how detestable they are now, especially after that little show Ramsay put on at dinner, parading Reek in front of her. As much as she must hate Theon, she didn’t seem to take any satisfaction in seeing him reduced to a sniveling, shivering mess. I really loved her little smirk at Ramsay’s obvious disappointment in the baby news.
Walda (Frey) Bolton is kind of interesting to me. She seems polite for a Frey and too nice to be mixed up with the Boltons. It’s like she’s living in some smiley fantasy world where she ignores the fact that her husband and stepson straight-up torture and skin anyone who displeases them or as if, as long as she’s lady of the house, she doesn’t care what goes on in it. Maybe a little of both.
Gilly seems to be gaining a lot of sass lately. I liked her little snit when Sam pointed to her knowing how to cook and build fires as good skills. I think she wants to be able to read and know everything about the world south of the wall yesterday. It broke my heart a little when she waved goodbye to Shireen…
… and Shireen’s horrible mother didn’t let her wave back. I hope this road trip lets Shireen interract with her father and Davos more. I’d hate to think of her shoved in a traveling box the whole time with that mother of hers. I thought her fangirling over historical crypts was adorable!
I love Mrs. North-Rememberton (as I’m going to call her till she gets a name) and her solemn. dead-eyed delivery. You know these old timers and servants have been rolling with the changes in leadership, but they have a stake in how this world turns out as much as the noble families do. They don’t deserve to live under tyrants and psychopaths. I love that she and Mr. Crotchety are in cahoots!
As for the others, Melisandre didn’t speak (her creepy glances say it all) and Selyse just had one line, but it was annoying enough to count for more. Myranda creeps me out almost as much as Ramsay does. No one that cruel should be in charge of doggies.
Other notes…
Maester Aemon’s talking about how terrible it is to be a Targaryen alone in the world just as Jon walks in. Well…
Book Thumper Complaint corner, here. Feel free to skip: I don’t get killing Barristan. The actor seems okay with it, considering he had some nice talks with Dany and a kickass death scene, but I’m not happy. Apparently, the showrunners needed something shocking and killing off Barristan seemed the thing to do. I’d have rather had him kicking ass well into the seasons and looking out for Missandei, like in the books. There are few enough instrumental characters over a certain age and I think getting rid of one just to hit some kind of emotional highlight or mandatory shock moment is manipulative. Nobody wanted this and I don’t think the show needed this.
While I’m whining, I thought that Barristan’s book moments of awesome would be given to Jorah, but that’s been nipped by Jorah getting especially fast-acting greyscale. Fine. I guess boytoy Daario will get all of Barristan’s awesome moments now. Whatever!
Fangasms…
I loved Tyrion’s fanboy moment when he sees Drogon. I wish we’d had a moment for him to say something about it before the Stone Men attacked. It isn’t as obvious to people who haven’t read the books, but Tyrion is super into dragons.
I don’t have much else. I don’t know why I’m in such a foul mood with this show lately. Maybe I’ll cheer up next week when we finally get some Arya again. At least the scenery porn was plentiful…
Next up: “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken.”
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All images from Game of Thrones are property of HBO, D.B. Weiss and David Benioff and used here for criticism and analysis only. All gifs are thanks to the tireless efforts of the anonymous gif-makers all over the internet.
