Game of Thrones and the Women of Westeros 6/2
“Home.” Almost every character in this world longs for home and safety and happier times and will never find any of those again.
Previously…
I last left off vowing to stop the book whining. But it’s hard to go cold turkey, so I promise the word “book” will only make three appearances in any recap from me from now on.
As for the show, the previouslies want to remind of last week and also that Dany chained up her dragons, that Robb Stark killed the head of House Karstark (for good reasons, as I recall), that Yara Greyjoy tried and promptly gave up on rescuing her brother, Theon, and that Bran is a warg and that he found the Three-Eyed Raven (at the expense of Jojen Reed’s life, in the end).
In a nutshell…
The credits take us somewhere we don’t see much of this week, to Pyke AKA The Iron Islands. The animation is short and underwhelming, much like any time we have spent in Pyke, at least so far.
We open on Bran (looking like a different person. Boys age too darn quickly!), hanging out with The Raven, chillin’ and gettin’ high on trees, hallucinating himself all the way back to his father’s childhood.
He sees Young Ned and Young Benjen training Young Brandon, before Young Lyanna (who Bran only knows from her crypt statue) comes in to show off her horse skills. They try to draft Young Willis — who is actually Young Hodor. Yes, he talked once— to help with training, but Old Nan… or Young Nan (or just Nan) puts a stop to it.
Bran wants to hang out with the old school Starks some more...
…but The Raven pulls him out. Quoth The Raven, “It is beautiful beneath the sea, but if you stay too long, you’ll drown.”
“I wasn’t drowning. I was home.”
Bran marvels about what he’s seen to Hodor and Meera, but Hodor only says — you guessed it — “Hodor” and Meera is too deep in mourning for her twin brother to deal with just sitting around watching Bran tree tripping. Leaf tells her that Bran won’t be in the caves hallucinating forever and that he’ll need her when he’s out there.
At The Wall, Thorne and pals are still pretending they’ll let Team Snow live if they just come out, though they have archers at the ready and at least 10 to 1 odds. Seriously, why the deadline? Still, I love Davos as he pulls his sword before Thorne and pals start breaking the door down. “I’ve never been much of a fighter. Apologies for what you’re about to see.”
But Edd and The Wildlings, including Tormund, come with the giant Wun-Wun, who thrashes a guy who shoots him and almost single-handedly convinces the Black Brothers to lay down their weapons. They cart Thorne and Olly (who I still feel sorry for) to prison, Tormund takes a second to mourn Lord Snow (“Took a lot of knives.”), and they leave Team Snow to run the joint.
Back at King’s Landing, some drunken douchebag is making up obvious lies about Cersei’s walk of shame, involving her eyeing him and his genitals. The Zombie Mountain takes care of it.
He then goes to escort Cersei to Myrcella’s funeral, but King Tommen’s men forbid her from going to keep her safe. Cersei has no fight left, so she accepts it.
Tommen and Jaime mourn Myrcella alone, while Tommen reveals he heard of Prince Trystane’s death, wonders if his mother did it. Yet he isn’t keeping her away because of that. He’s ashamed he let his mother and his wife be carted off by The Sparrows.
Just then The High Sparrow comes in and, though Tommen weakly demands to see his wife, The Sparrow says the king must wait, with the gods, until she confesses. Jaime tells Tommen to go and apologize to his mother so he can handle this man.
The Sparrow waxes poetic about death and his fear of it and his love for the gods, like it’s some kind of justification for the brutality of his followers. Jaime points out that he has done awful things (killing his king, for one, though he doesn’t admit to his incest babies), why isn’t he punished? He dares The Sparrow to punish him, threatens him…
… but his cronies come out, just standing there with their weapons, a silent threat, until The Sparrow walks away with “We have no names, no family. Every one of us is poor and powerless. And yet, together, we can overthrow an empire.”
Tommen goes to Cersei, apologizing for keeping her holed up, saying he was afraid to lose her again, that he’s ashamed he didn’t protest her walk of shame, saying he could have executed The Sparrows. “You raised me to be strong. And I wasn’t. But I want to be. Help me.” Oh, boy. More on that below.
In Meereen, Tyrion is drinking, of course, with Varys and Greyworm and Missandei looking on. He responds to Varys tsking at him with “If I lost my cock, I would drink all the time,” then defends himself to Greyworm, another eunuch, saying this is just their thing.
Actually, Varys is right. He’s been pretty good about finding non-dwarf jokes at Tyrion’s expense. Well done, Varys. Anyway, they don’t know for sure who burned the ships, and the masters have taken back Astapoor and Yunkai and enslaved the people again. Missandei also points out that the two dragons are refusing to eat. Tyrion thinks its because they don’t do well in chains.
“How do you know this?” Missandei asks.
Tyrion talks about Aegon I’s dragons and how they wasted away from being chained, about how intelligent dragons are, about how they can tell when someone is their friend or not. He decides to visit Viserion and Rhaegal in the crypts…
…talks to them about his love of dragons softly…
…then breaks their bonds…
…then has a belated pants-pissing.
In Braavos, The Waif comes to beat up Arya again, telling her she’s not No One. “I don’t believe that. You don’t believe that.”
Not!Jaqen appears (or he is The Waif?) and tempts her. Says if she’ll say her name, he’ll give her a place to sleep, a meal.
“A girl has no name,” she replies. He then offers to cure her blindness. She hesitates, but answers the same. He bids her to follow him and leave her bowl. “A girl is not a beggar anymore.”
Back at Winterfell, Lord Karstark brings news to Roose that Ramsay’s guards were all killed in pursuit of Sansa. Ramsay thinks Sansa is going to the North, to Jon Snow. Ramsay wants to bring their allies to march on The Wall and kill Snow. Roose points out that every house in the North would balk, but Ramsay thinks they have enough to wipe out everyone connected to the Starks. Lord Karstark reminds us his house is behind them, reminding us that Robb Stark beheaded his father — leaving out that his father killed two innocent CHILDREN simply because their name was Lannister and that they were protected as legit hostages, but it’s not like Roose and Ramsay care about war ethics or customs or honor...
I do notice they mention the Manderlys. Does that mean we’ll be meeting Wyman and getting that epic “The North Remembers” speech of awesome after all? And can he give it straight to Ramsay while torturing him?
Anyway, Roose thinks this is too far, says they can’t act like rabid dogs just before his Maester comes in to inform him Walda has given birth to a boy. Ramsay embraces Roose, who assures him he’ll always be his first born…
…just before Ramsay kills him and intimidates the Maester to send word Roose was poisoned by their enemies, something Karstark calmly backs up. Ramsay then sends for Walda and the baby. Oh, no.
Here’s where I hope this show would just cut away. I know what’s going to happen. I don’t want to see even part of it. I even hope, because they are showing me everything leading up to it, that means they are going to surprise me and not do it.
But they do. He lures Walda and her baby into the pens with his rabid dogs and she realizes — after a few sad, naive moments — why. She begs to just escape, swears she’ll take the baby and go away.
But he sets his dogs on her anyway. She dies trying to shield the baby. This is hard to watch. I can’t wait to see Ramsay die. And I don’t want it to be quick.
Out in the frozen forest, Brienne and Sansa talk about Arya. She tells her about finding Arya with a man (though she doesn’t name The Hound).
Sansa regrets not going with Brienne before, but Brienne assures her they’ve all had difficult choices. Meanwhile, Theon doesn’t want to go on to The Wall. He doesn’t want to take the black and have his crimes erased because he doesn’t think they can be. He wants to go home to Pyke. They hug and say goodbye.
Speaking of Pyke, it’s another short visit, though more happens there than ever before. Yara Greyjoy is taking her father to task about their lost men in his failed invasions of Northern territories, while he whines about Yara’s failed mission to save Theon.
“When you rule The Iron Islands, you can wage all the peace you want, but for now, shut your mouth and obey or I will make another heir who will.” Sure you will. He storms out into the storm, tries to cross a rickety rope bridge, then taunts the large man standing in his way. This guy is just chock full of great choices.
The man on the bridge is Euron Greyjoy, one of Balon’s younger brothers. He’s just as annoying as Balon, claiming he is the Drowned God. They exchange their Iron Islands catchphrase “what is dead may never die” and all that, then Balon taunts him…
…for going mad at sea during a storm, Euron says he cut out his mens’ tongues, like that makes it more sane, Balon says a true Ironborn can take a thunderstorm, Euron says he’s old and has ruled long enough, then tosses him off the bridge.
It feels like the show, instead of dealing with the Greyjoys as we went, just hit fast-forward. Immediate escalation! Okay, then.
Seconds later, at the funeral, Yara tells Aeron, that Drowned God priest uncle of hers, that she doesn’t think this was an accident and swears on the throne that she will find them and make them pay. But Aeron says that Balon making her his heir doesn’t make her the ruler. She has to win the Kingsmoot, which is like an election, but not as long and drawn out as ours, especially not on this show. I wonder if they’ll even dedicate a full 5.6 seconds to it the next time we visit The Iron Islands.
Back at The Wall, Mel is still moping, but back in her younger form. Davos comes in and pretty much gets right to asking her to raise Jon Snow from the dead. Jeez, finally! She says it’s been done, but she’s never done it, but he points out a few of her greatest hits…
“But it was all a lie, my firegod lied, blah blah, mopety mope,” she mopes. Davos doesn’t care about her god or any god, just about “the woman who showed me that miracles exist.” It’s almost sweet, considering how much Davos has hated Mel up till now.
She decides to give it a shot, with Tormund, Edd, and Davos and looking on, and Ghost laying there. She’s chanting and washing Jon’s wounds and cutting off pieces of his luxurious hair and burning it while the soft horns and string of DARK MAGIC play. No idea what she’s saying, but she repeats the last part over and over with no result, finally just whispering “please.” Tormund walks out first, followed by Mel and Edd. Davos waits a moment, then also quits the room. They linger on the room and the body and it’s almost anticlimactic because… come on.
Ghost perks up and whines as the camera pans over Jon, when he gasps and opens his eyes.
Welcome back, Jon Snow. I wonder what your journey to the other side gave you. Wisdom, maybe? Maybe you no longer “know nothin.”
The Women of Westeros…
Oh, Walda. It’s sad that people called you Fat Walda and not Sweet Walda, because that’s what you were. You were just too nice for this world and mixed up with all the wrong people. I was weeping from the minute Ramsay killed Roose. Not for Roose, obviously. No, I was upset in that moment for Walda and the baby because I knew she was next. I love that she tried trying to shield the child. She’s very kind, especially for a Frey. She would have been a wonderful mother. I’m sure she gets to sit at the good table with Shireen and Ned and all the best people in Westeros in the afterlife.
Arya makes a tiny step forward, I mean, depending on how you feel about her sacrificing her identity on the altar of revenge. I am still sad about it, but I am still holding out hope for a marginally happy end. I must be crazy.
Yara gets some belated development. I don’t think the show ever explicitly stated that Balon considered her his heir before, which would seem progressive of him if he wasn’t such a wet jerk in every other aspect. There wasn’t much besides that insta-funeral and her vow for revenge. With the show and book being two different animals, I don’t know what will come of the Kingsmoot. I just know I’d like her to play a bigger part than she has so far.
Missandei doesn’t have much to do, except silently judge Tyrion’s drinking and reveal that the dragons seem okay with her. I would love to see her take more of an active role in ruling Meereen. I guess we’ll see.
Sansa feeling so choked up about Theon was appropriate, IMO. Even with all he did to betray her family, he is a familiar face, one she grew up with. Now she has to face a future where she doesn’t know if she’ll see a familiar face ever again. It was sweet, her moment with Brienne, talking about Arya. As much as Arya might have annoyed her growing up, I bet she’d give anything to see her sister running around in breeches again. She regrets trusting Littlefinger when Brienne first approached her, but how Sansa to know he was handing her to the worst human being who ever lived?
Well, Littlefinger. He knew. I really hope someone makes him pay.
Brienne continues to be the example to which I aspire. Brave and badass, for sure, but also giving and kind and understanding. Be the Brienne of Tarth of whatever you do! Someone needs to meme that in the spirit of the Leslie Knope meme. I would, but I’m lazy and unskilled with basic imaging.
See?
But I kind of wish Brienne had mentioned the man Arya was with. Sansa knows who The Hound is. He even saved her life a time or two. Maybe this would reassure her a little. Sometimes I hate the way this show has characters cross paths with people they never did in the book, then wusses out of letting it genuinely affect the story in any meaningful way. I feel like they just have it happen as fanservice and… Yes, as a fan, I feel serviced, but it’s cheap if there’s no point to it.
Well! Melisandre finally cowgirled up… to an extent. I don’t think she left the scene feeling any less mopey, though. I have to wonder what this will do to her faith, once she realizes Jon Snow lives. I mean, I can’t stand her god. But it’s possible that all the visions she had were correct and she misinterpreted them to be about Stannis when they were really about Jon. There are a crapload of theories out there about Jon and prophecy and I won’t go through all of them. But I predict this will make Melisandre double down on her red god faith. And fine, whatever. As long as she doesn’t burn innocent people… again.
Speaking of women with troubling ethics, the one good thing about Cersei is how much she loves her children, but I would hate the idea of her children learning how to show love from her. I mean, she would kill for them. Kind of admirable, in a sick way. But she would also kill them (remember she was ready to poison Tommen and Myrcella after the Battle of the Blackwater). I just wish Tommen had more people in his life, more experiences of the world than filtered through Cersei. I think he’s a good kid, and more exposure to his mother can only be bad for him. Him thinking that his mother had Trystane killed, and that being something that makes him feel guilty or unworthy is worrying. As for Cersei, herself, she’s kind of shadow of her former self, doesn’t even have the energy to plot anymore.
Meera also seems pretty miserable, too. It’s obvious she resents sitting around doing nothing while Bran goes tree-tripping, but can’t do anything about that because… Well, what would she do and where would she go? Considering what happened to Jojen, who she’s still mourning heavily, there’s no guarantee she’d get through the mass of Harryhausen skeletons and white walkers surrounding the area. So she just has to sit around and wait, which must suck.
Leaf doesn’t say or do much, except watch Bran tree-trippin and tell Meera to stick around. I guess it’s easy for Leaf to be patient, since she’s a couple thousand years old. I guess this year — or however long it is — is like a second to her. She’s been recast (Kae Alexander) from her last appearance (Octavia Alexandru). I guess I understand, considering how quickly children age (Except Maisie Williams, who is immune, apparently), but I wish they’d found someone who matched her first appearance just a little more. Then again, this is the show that refused to even bother cutting Tyene’s hair to match her last appearance.
We finally meet Lyanna Stark in flashbacks. I love how free she is to show off with her brothers. I have to wonder why Arya was so restricted by comparison. Maybe that was Ned, after what happened to Lyanna, who Arya is often compared to in the books…
…trying to protect her from a similar fate. There’s that telling moment in the first season, when Ned watches Arya’s first lessons with Syrio Forell. He starts off smiling at how happy it makes her, then that sadness reaches his eyes…
Anyway, I hope we see more of Lyanna and the wee Starks in flashback land.
We finally meet the young version of Nan, not that there’s much, apart from her forbidding her grandson, Hodor/Willis, from sparring. There’s obviously something to her fears, with Hodor becoming… well, Hodor, but they’re super mysterious about what. Just, again, hoping for more time in flashback land.
Passing the Bechdel Test…
Sansa and Brienne and Meera and Leaf pass us, even though their exchanges are brief. I’d add Arya and The Waif, but I’m convinced she morphed right into Not!Jaqen, which throws her gender into even more question. Then again, The Waif chooses to present as a girl, for however long she wishes, and who am I to deny her her chosen, albeit brief, identity. Then again, the conversation consisted of her taunting Arya and Arya grunting, so… Just the two passes.
Other Notes…
Please, Show. If you give me Wyman Manderly’s epic speech, I will give you half the points I took away for the Sand Snakes. Please!
I just realized Walda’s baby never got a name. Poor baby.
I think Ramsay is hastening his own undoing by getting rid of the one voice of reason in his life. I mean, Roose is a cold-hearted fiend, but he definitely isn’t the rabid dog Ramsay is. Roose was right, though. Even the Northerners who are loyal to them, for now, will balk at having such a loose cannon in their midst. Obviously not Karstark. If his father raised him to be okay with someone killing a baby, which I guess he did as the elder Karstark murdered two children, then I’m glad his head was cut off.
I didn’t think I could hate someone more than I hated Joffrey, but Ramsay… No. It’s pretty much equal. Joffrey might have had his men do it, but he also killed babies who, for all he knew at the time, were his brothers. The Others take them both!
I’m sure some of you may have heard the theory that Tyrion might not be Tywin’s Lannister’s son, but the result of Joanna Lannister’s rumored affair with Aerys, The Mad King (which might not have been consensual, knowing The Mad King because…. who would?). It certainly goes a long way to explain Tywin’s hatred of him and Tyrion’s dwarfism, considering how symmetrical all Lannisters seem to be. There’s also more evidence in the… crap! I promised only three mentions of a certain word. Um. There’s also more evidence in the written medium (nailed it!) of Tyrion’s Targaryen-esque qualities — dragon obsession, dragon dreams, mixed in locks of white-blond in his hair, mis-matched eyes. I’m not saying it’s true, but those dragons were pretty quick to trust him. Maybe it was because, as he said, dragons just know who to trust or maybe he has the blood of the dragon in him. I guess we’ll see.
Grade, you ask? Well, this episode didn’t include (the show’s crappy version of) Ellaria and The Snakes, but it did include Sweet Walda’s unjust death, then again Tyrion and the Dragons (another great band name. I’m thinking progressive rock with an EDM twist) were very gratifying, as was Davos’ speech to Mel, and Jon Snow’s resurrection, though anticlimactic for me, is of the good. I’ll go with B-
Fangasms…
I loved how much Tyrion was geeking out about the dragons letting him touch them!
Jon Snow lives!
A man does not look very sorry.
Next up: “Oathbreaker”
Agree? Disagree? Want to tell me about you? Feel free to comment below or hit that ❤ button.
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All Images from Game of Thrones are the property of Weiss, Benioff, HBO, and a whole slew of other people who are not me. They are used here for illustration and analysis only. I would like to thank the countless good people of Tumblr for always making and freely sharing their lovely gifs — and always so quickly after an episode.
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