Heidi Harris, We Need to Talk
Much national debate has risen in the wake of the Stanford rape case, a tragic situation in which a young woman was raped while unconscious behind a dumpster, only to see her attacker receive a paltry six month prison sentence for his crime. When this brave young woman wrote a moving, groundbreaking letter about her experience, millions around the country and world reached out with words of love and support, including Vice President Joe Biden, who said that her words “were forever seared across my soul.”
Ah, but then there’s conservative talk show host Heidi Harris, who responded to the situation with this Tweet:
“When will young women learn that getting wasted in a room full of heat-seeking college boys is NOT a good idea? #prevention #BrockTurner”
Then in a column published through Media Equalizer, Harris tried to explain her Tweet, and, well, things just got worse. Sure, she admits that the rape was a very bad thing and all. Even so, she continues to lay blame on the victim.
“I’ve been accused of ‘blaming the victim’ because I pointed out the mistake made so often by college girls that includes getting drunk and putting yourself in a bad situation,” she wrote.
So Heidi, you’re a Vegas radio personality who doesn’t party or imbibe alcohol at any time? And you never, ever partied in college? Well you and the other four individuals on the planet who can make that claim should have a big ol’ reunion sometime — consuming only cookies and punch, of course. Oh, and what about gals who get their sodas spiked? That happened to a friend of mine when she was 14, just before her own assault.
“My tweet….got so many responses the Dr. Drew show asked me to come on and talk about it,” she wrote. “I had to battle a few other women on TV who clearly aren’t looking for solutions.”
No, they’re looking for people to stop blaming innocent victims. The more heat that you put on them, the less you put on the perpetrator. Also, I saw the show clip (embedded in the Media Equalizer article), and I have to say that the condescending manner in which you spoke to your debaters (one of which was an actual rape victim) was disgusting.
“Whenever crimes occur, the most important thing anybody can do is look at the situation and try to learn from it,” she wrote. “If a pedestrian gets mowed down in the street most of us will say, ‘Well, that won’t happen to me because I look both ways.’ If a friend got her purse stolen when she left it on front seat of the car in the Walmart parking lot, the first question you’d legitimately ask her is, ‘Why’d you leave it THERE?’”
What kind of an jerk “friend” turns into a Nathan or Nancy Know-It-All immediately after the commission of a crime — any crime? They probably don’t need you to tell them that they shouldn’t have left their purse on the front seat of the car. They probably can figure it out for themselves. Also, while it does make some people feel better to say, “That won’t happen to me,” the fact is that an American is sexually assaulted every 2 minutes.
“But somehow when it comes to behaviors that could lead one to be sexually assaulted,” she wrote, “like drinking in a room full of testosterone-charged men, suddenly you’re ‘victim blaming’ in pointing out the folly of that decision.”
Testosterone charged men? Hey, all you men out there, apparently we can’t trust any of you because of all that testosterone running through your veins. Was it also testosterone that inspired those two amazing Swedish men to pull Brock Turner off of his victim and hold him down until the police came?
“The point is you can never be too careful, and telling men and women which behaviors would make them less likely to be victimized is not ‘victim blaming’ its simply accurate information,” she wrote.
Less likely to be victimized? Well it’s interesting, I know of women who go to clubs every weekend, wear short skirts and even dance on tables, who have never been touched against their will. I also know of nuns who have been. In my community, a plainly dressed homemaker went to the grocery store in a nice neighborhood during the daytime and was pulled into a car and raped. Elderly people are raped in nursing homes, men are raped in prison, children are sexually assaulted in school.
“One of the toughest aspects of sexual assault reporting in college campuses is its so often a he-said she-said situation. Both of them are drunk, maybe he thought she said okay before she passed out or they were making out and then things went farther than she wanted to. There’s often no way to be certain what really happened,” she wrote.
Oh no you didn’t just say that — where do I begin? First of all, if a woman has passed out she CANNOT CONSENT TO SEX. And if things went farther than she wanted to without her consent, then yes we do know what happened. It’s called rape.
“In the case of the Stanford University woman she was so drunk she was outside urinating by a dumpster because everyone at the party she attended had to go outside to pee,” she wrote. “So dignified.”
Do you know what is dignified, Heidi? A woman who writes a letter sharing her heartbreaking rape experience with the world, revealing and reliving every painful detail, in an effort to help other victims. Do you know what isn’t dignified? Mocking her and second guessing her. Sorry to sound undignified and unladylike but just be quiet.
“There are people who get up every morning looking for someone to victimize in one way or the other and if you let your guard down and you’re going to be the victim,” she wrote. “These little feminist cupcakes need to learn this the easy way, (by listening to people with life experience), or they will learn it the hard way.”
Of course situational awareness is important. Sometimes, however, we all can get caught unaware, and also can be physically overcome and dominated through use of weapons and physical force. This is why we focus on the perp.
“The Stanford rapist has blamed the ‘party culture’ for some of his behavior. He’s right about that, but it takes two to tango, and there are a lot of women getting completely wasted at parties and willingly making themselves available to guys they barely know,” she wrote. “Young ladies today are acting like anything but in too many cases. And as a result young men have less respect for women than at any other time I can remember. We teach them how to treat us, and we’ve taught a generation of men they can have us whenever they want to.”
Wrong. In researching the issue of date rape, I’ve learned that it is a crime with a history. I’ve talked to victims who are now in their fifties, sixties, and seventies. It’s just that, back then, “nice girls” didn’t talk about being raped; they blamed themselves and suffered in silence. All we teach young women today is that sex is not something that they have to “put out” as a commodity to get a boy to like them or hold back if they’re ‘nice girls’. They have the right to enjoy sex on their own terms when they want to, and they alone exercise complete control over their own bodies. They can give and revoke consent at any time.
Oh, and regarding the little feminist cupcake remark. I have the distinct feeling that you and I are of the same generation, but I personally don’t feel the need to lecture younger women, remind them to be ladies or devalue their opinions. What are you going to do next, tell them to get off your lawn or remind them that you had to walk 10 miles to school in the snow?
If you would like to debate this issue with a feminist cupcake who is more your vintage, well let’s go. I have friends in Vegas and elsewhere who have radio shows and podcasts, so you name the time and place.
Until then Heidi, get off of our lawn.
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