Hillary Clinton is being charged with sexually assaulting Dave Grigger

The assault occurred on an airplane flight from Austin to Lubbock in 1979.

The victim explained, ‘Yeah man… I was just sitting there cleaning my fingernails … drinking a Coors Light … and then, BOOM! She was on me like stink on a monkey. Tryin’ to kiss me, licking her lips, and singin’ ol’ Marvin Gaye’s song, Sexual Healing! And She smelt like sardines and Caress bath soap. I’ll never forget that smell!’

Hillary Clinton has not confirmed or denied Dave’s story, but based on her policy of believing all accusers we should assume it is true.