“formydaughter” — a Young Woman’s Integrative Cancer Survival Story
My life changed with breast cancer. As a single mom of a 7yr old, I somehow ended up in fight mode, while frozen by trauma from this nasty surprise diagnosis from my first baseline mammogram. I was consumed by anxiety over how I was going to pay for treatment, depression for my health and fear for my daughter. What would happen to her if I died? I had always said that if I ever had cancer, I would not put chemo poison into my body. Things sure change when you are facing a choice of chemo or certain death. Things sure change when you have a child.
My handle became “formydaughter” on online support groups. You see, I was not able to find anyone in my local community who was a young breast cancer patient. Well meaning older survivors sent me pink ribbon trinkets in attempts to provide support, but pre and post menopausal breast cancer are scientifically two separate diseases and the social issue challenges facing young women are different from those with which older women with breast cancer typically wrestle. For young women, sexuality and appearance, sex life, fertility, how to tell your young kids you have the C word, and how to balance work with busy kid schedules, are hot topics. I needed to talk to someone who understood these issues. But there were no local support groups for this. We did not have a cancer center, but only disjointed separate doctor’s offices peppered across town. Had we all been in one location, I might have found another young patient. But I did not. I felt so alone.
After receiving my diagnosis, I learned that chemo was unavoidable. Step 1 diagnosis. Step 2 run to get a wig. Hair loss is maybe more traumatic than cancer. My hair was my identity. There were no wig stores in my town. I ordered from an Internet site that promoted that it catering to cancer hair loss. It was a scam. I was promised J-Lo and Beyonce hair, but received plastic Barbie hair from China to the tune of nearly $1000.
I elected to have a bilateral mastectomy. Aggressive type of cancer deserves an “all in” strategy. No regrets. No looking back. The shock of the emotional piece catching up to the physical hit me when I was leaving the hospital. I went to button up my shirt, wearing real clothes for the first time after living in hospital gowns. But it did not fit me the way that it should. I lost it. Complete emotional breakdown. I asked to talk to a social worker, but I was told that there were none for cancer patients.
I hit bottom during treatment. I imagined that perhaps this is what it felt like to be 85. I could barely walk down the stairs to let the dog out. I experienced aches, pain, chemo induced neuropathy, medicine induced arthritis, medically induces menopause, post-surgical nerve pain, all sorts of skin and digestive tract issues, and out of control hot flashes among other problems. I was bald from the chemo and fat from the steroids given to me with the chemo. Was I still a woman? Who would ever love me? Frankenboob, bald and fat.
I had 2 choices: give up (not really a choice, “formydaughter” remember?) or start researching. I used my research skills as a lawyer and science background to start researching therapies and treatments for my new reality. This was one way that I could take back control over my healthcare. I started with cancer treatment protocol ideas, looking for the latest and greatest clinical trial data gained to tweak my treatment towards a more favorable outcome. Next I found evidence based ideas for complementary therapies to help alleviate the side effects of cancer treatment. I found evidence based ideas for cancer survivorship including diet changes, exercise, Zen Shiatsu, acupuncture, meditation, and even Turkey Tail mushroom supplements. Did these integrative treatments have cancer killing capabilities too? Most did not have enough data for a definitive answer. So, I made a plan with my medical oncologist — if it did not interfere with my cancer treatment plan and I could handle the something else (hopefully it was making me feel better), we would try it along with my cancer care. We figured that if it acted as an anti-cancer agent, that would be a bonus, but the main focus was to make me feel better during life saving cancer treatment.
It became a partnership with my oncologist. I was not tolerating treatment very well. So we created a plan for surviving cancer treatment. He was open to the research that I presented and eagerly presented me with research of his own. I am grateful for his openness to my ideas and allowing space for me to have an active role in forming my treatment plan.
I added in yoga to help with the 85 yr. body problem. Slowly, my body became mobile. The stretching was painful initially — particularly in the post-surgical site. But my body gradually became pliable and stronger. The surprising results were the spiritual and emotional gains achieved through yoga. I learned to focus on the present moment rather than worry about the future and dwell on the past. This is particularly hard for cancer patients. Yoga perfectly contained the trifecta needed for survivorship — treating mind, body and spirit. I am sold for life.
My diet changed from steak and salad to primarily plant based. Kale salad, kale soup, sauteed kale, kale in my chili, kale in marinara sauce. I am sick of kale. I had thought that I ate pretty clean, but there was definite room for improvement. And alcohol had to go. That part was easy — my cancer treatment made alcoholic beverages sound disgusting and my medications made it intolerable. I still miss the social aspect of a glass of wine with friends, but I do not miss it enough to let it feed my cancer.
I swore by Zen Shiatsu Asian bodywork treatments. I still do. My surgical site could be treated by touching a different part of my body using the Chinese Medicine meridians. Genius. I learned that Zen Shiatsu treats nearly every side effect from cancer treatment and so much more.
I turned to nature, listening to birdsong, wind in the trees, a good rain, the silence in the woods during snowfall, the cyclic motion of waves crashing to shore. For me, nature is healing. I returned to my roots — to the core of what felt healing with music and art as well. I was forced into saying no to demands on my time due to my health and the end result was reconnecting with things that I enjoyed. It took some digging to remember what truly made my heart sing and to make decisions about how to spend my precious time. My time is now more intentional, more mindful, and I focus on little points of gratitude.
And this is how I climbed out of cancer, cancer depression, and regained my health. I still want to scream when I hear someone say “thank you to cancer.” I am not glad for having had this terrible disease. But I am grateful that I created an integrative health program for my own survival. And I am even more grateful that I am now able to share the evidence based practices that I assembled to help other cancer patients through treatment in a support services program that I created for our new cancer center.
It came full circle the day that I realized that the very same therapies I had assembled for getting myself through treatment are vehicles for cancer prevention.
Author Katie Horvath builds health & wellness programs for cancer patients, focusing on cancer prevention and survivorship. She believes that treating the patient as a whole person — mind/body/spirit — instead of just a tumor site is critical for survivorship. Katie lives on Lake Michigan with her daughter (now age 11). Her onocologist proclaimed that she is “cured.” Katie practices law part-time and yoga daily. Katie Horvath #lesscancer
