Awakening to Presence: Healing, Feeling, and the Magic of Being

It has been a while since you have heard from me. I have been dealing with some health challenges after taking a while to recover from Covid. And Angus had knee replacement surgery, so I’ve been supporting him in his recovery. He is doing really well. The doctor said he is ahead of 90% of his patients at this stage, so his commitment to physiotherapy is paying off.

My health needs and supporting Angus have forced me to slow down.

In slowing down, I noticed a layer of numbness being stripped away. I became aware of a level of dissociation from my experience that I hadn’t noticed before. I recognize this as a coping mechanism, and the slowing down helped me become more present and feel more.

Just this morning, I got quiet, and right under the surface, I felt sadness. It blossomed around my heart and took my breath away.

I understand my resistance to feeling when it is present.

What’s the point of feeling? There is always more to feel. It is always changing anyway.

But the aliveness that is felt in presence is why it makes sense. The aliveness of feeling it all.

Living in my head has been my safe space. I thought it was my saving grace. Living in a fantasy world as a child then finding the salvation of intellectual pursuits.

But there is another way that doesn’t throw away the intellect or imagination but also has room for presence, stillness, quiet, and being. Not to get anywhere. Not to improve myself. Not to feel better. No to get anywhere or get anything. Nothing reveals itself.

It is so easy for me to slip into doing and the numbness of not being present that I have enjoyed being forced to take it really easy. Productivity sacrificed. Efficiency massacred. Optimizing ignored.

Instead, prioritizing being of service to my Self.

Listening deeply.

Feeling what is.

Allowing myself to cede to the requests of my body.

Letting my mind relax.

Slowing down to what feels like anarchy.

Instead of my life falling apart. A deeper frequency is felt. The frequency of love. The frequency of synchronicity. The frequency of peace. The frequency of abundance. It feels magical only because of how long I have resisted.

This is not a prescription to follow. I have no answers, no solutions. I’m only sharing my experience and inviting you to listen to your wisdom. What is your body asking from you? What are your senses telling you? What does your inner knowing have to say? What discovery is awaiting you?

What happens when you listen deeply and take the risk to follow your call? The call that seems so impossible you daren’t feel it? What happens when you let the yearning take over? What happens when you say yes to your Self?

It starts with feeling.

It starts with presence.

It starts with listening.

For no other reason than the pure aliveness of it.

Let me know what you find out.

This article was originally published on https://www.therewilders.org/blog/awakening-to-presence-healing-feeling-and-the-magic-of-being.