My Journey Home
Breaking Free From the Chains of the False Self Is Not a Mental Illness
Editing assistance by Jim Beck
This article is based upon what I interpret as my spiritual awakening experience. This occurred shortly after I finished tapering off the anti-depressants that I had been taking for over 25 years.
I awoke in the middle of the night with extreme anxiety and within a short time, I experienced a powerful insight leading to what felt like pure unconditional love pouring into my body from every direction. It appeared to me that I was experiencing the power of God as my body was charged up with energy, as though I had been plugged into a socket and was having 1000s of volts pumped into my body. It seemed as if time had stopped, and I was no longer in reality while I was experiencing this beautiful moment. For the next three weeks, I went through what I can only describe as a conscious state of hell. This included complete loss of concentration, no longer being able to think straight, being unable to sit still for more than a few seconds, pacing about, whispering to myself, and becoming so lost in my thinking mind that it appeared that I was no longer connected to reality. There was a complete disconnect from those around me and I no longer felt that I was in my body. For a brief time, I experienced extreme paranoia including delusions of the government using technology to monitor me and, on their way, to arrest me. It was a frightening experience.
My family was really frightened and at times thought they had lost me. They did have some knowledge of what was happening after watching videos and listening to tapes with me of Sydney Banks (who uncovered the 3 Spiritual Principles of Psychology). They knew not to panic despite this fear and believed I was going to be OK.
On two separate occasions, I was fortunate enough to have 3 Principles qualified facilitators call me. They had the knowledge to stay calm and talk me back from the paranoia my personal mind had created. This took approximately thirty to forty minutes each time as they spoke in a calm and compassionate way. At times they would have to talk over me as I argued and incessantly talked. It was essential to me that I had this support as the consequences could have been severe without it.
However, my mind was still spinning out of control; I was having insomnia and the feeling of being constantly locked in my mind. At the advice of one of the people who called, I started listening to and watching more of Mr. Banks’ videos and tapes. I would listen to these for most of the day and night for weeks as I felt his soft Scottish brogue was the only thing that was keeping me anchored to this reality and not becoming permanently lost in a mental prison.
Since then, I have experienced more life-changing insights as a result of listening to Truth. These insights and practicing the Total Embodiment Method meditation taught by Richard Haight has allowed my mind to incrementally slow down and I now live more of my life in the present.
Many mental health professionals could potentially have seen these behaviours and delusions as a sign of mental illness. This would have been a misunderstanding as I was really experiencing the unleashing of my full potential and breaking free of the restrictions of my thought-created chains.
I have heard of many cases which were referred to psychiatrists who misdiagnosed a mental illness. Some of these people were placed in psychiatric hospitals and under heavy medication. Some were considered a threat to themselves and/or society, handcuffed, in some cases strapped to a trolly bed, and placed in a police cell.
Even though the experience was traumatic at the time, my mental health has transformed, and I am experiencing a level of wellbeing and health I have not known since childhood. I now see that although it appeared I had experienced a mental breakdown, I was in fact becoming my healthy self and have left behind my life of mental and physical suffering.
When we awaken to our true self it replaces the old false images created by our personal mind. For some, this experience can send the psychological mind into a spin for a while as the ego fights back in its attempts to maintain control. This is a natural process, much like a snake shedding its old skin. As we grow in our spiritual self-awareness, our personal mind slows and quiets down, allowing us to experience potentially life-changing insights.
Trying to treat symptoms instead of the cause “is like throwing gas on a fire to put it out” (Syd Banks)