Embodying The Amateur Spirit

In 2023 I want to become an amateur coach.

It’s funny of course because really, I want to become a professional coach. I want to refine my business this year, to have structure, and to design a training product that helps people see for themselves what has been so impactful for me. I want to build a solid foundation so I can spend more time on the execution. I also want to get better at what I do, invest in further professional development, and generate more income.

I am fully committed to being a professional coach.

However, there is something very formal about being professional. It has an undercurrent of seriousness about it. When you are a professional it’s implied you conduct yourself in a particular way. You are smart and knowledgeable, you are an expert, you get things done and you do them consistently well. You don’t make mistakes. You don’t ask questions.

But what that does is box us in. It creates these rigid walls of expectation. We end up walking a tightrope of perfection and it stops us from taking action in case we don’t get it ‘right’. It stops us from asking questions when we legitimately don’t know what is expected, or when things don’t make sense. We assume that it’s our fault that we don’t understand, we believe we should know, so we stay quiet; we choose safety over possible shame.

How many opportunities to create clarity and understanding have been lost because of a desire to appear professional and knowledgeable, rather than ask the question that is so obviously needed? How many unique ideas do people have that they never share for fear of looking stupid? How often do we take our boss’s opinion as more important than our own, because they are more ‘professional’ than us? How many people have quit their jobs because the need to be right, to be the expert, to have the answers, takes all the fun and enjoyment out of what they do?

So we try and become “John Business”. Shiny suits, slick haircuts, and puffed-out chests. That’s an exaggeration of course. John Business sounds like a character out of the Wall Street movie — “Lunch is for wimps”. However, that culture and that attitude still permeate our professional lives. And it gets us caught in a trap. It’s detrimental to our ability to perform. It gets in the way of mastery because we favor safety over ‘giving it a go’. We crave certainty of outcome over trial and error.

The Professional Imposter

When we are trying to be the perfect professional, we put on a façade of certainty and expertise, we play a role at work, and the further we go in our careers, the harder it becomes for us to handle any dent in the armor that we have created to protect ourselves. We can’t risk a poor performance because they will realize it’s all an act. We can’t ask questions after so many days in a new role, because ‘you should know this by now’. We end up trapped in this illusionary role that we created, and it ultimately takes the joy out of our work.

Why? Because it’s not authentic. It’s not realistic to be perfect. It’s impossible to know everything you need to know to succeed. We can’t control outcomes and when we try we tend to become overbearing. We can’t nail every presentation and when we aim for perfection, it raises the stakes and creates a crushing fear of failure.

Be an Amateur

I am reading a book my coach sent to me called “Show Your Work”, by Austin Kleon, here is an excerpt:

“We’re all terrified of being revealed as amateurs, but in fact, today it is the amateur — the enthusiast who pursues her work in the spirit of love,… regardless of the potential for fame, money, or career — who often has the advantage over the professional. Because they have little to lose, amateurs are willing to try anything and share the results. They take chances, experiment, and follow their whims.”

“…they’re all lifelong learners, and they make a point of learning in the open so that others can learn from their failures and successes.”

I know I am still living within my walls of professionalism. I don’t like to make mistakes. I want to be the absolute best at what I do. But I notice that it constricts me. The harder I try to be a good coach, the worse I tend to perform. My attention is too much on my own thoughts, on my own performance, on trying to be impactful, that I am not fully present, and not listening holistically to the client. The sessions become transactional rather than transformational. When I become overly invested in the outcome, it causes me to go into a spin cycle, overthinking things rather than taking action. Because taking action without knowing if it will work or not, if it will go well or not, can feel risky and when I bump into the edge of my comfort zone, it’s easy and understandable to retreat. Embodying an amateur spirit is a way to get past that. To see that the walls of professionalism are only made of thought, and I can not only poke holes in those walls, but I can also see that it’s an illusion. The walls are just a hologram created by my imagination.

So this year, I want to shift beyond those walls. I want to do stuff, and be ok with it not being brilliant or perfect because I know the more I do it, the better it will get over time. I want to feel a little more light-hearted. A little freer. I want to breathe deeply and expand my being beyond my imagery fears. That is what I feel called to do this year.

I want to be a professional coach with an amateur spirit. And I want to help other people do the same. Why? Because I spent most of my 20 years in insurance worried about getting it wrong, wondering what other people thought of me, and placing more value on someone else’s opinion over my own. I was so busy trying to be good, so concerned about what other people thought, that it bound me up at times. I was playing a role. I was trying to be good and trying to be good got in the way of me enjoying what I did. Not all the time, but it was certainly a theme and the cause of much of the stress and pressure I experienced. I want to help others take those shackles off, to feel freer and lighter, to enjoy what they do, and to be ok with all the messiness and discomfort. To be at peace with not doing something perfect every time.

“The world is changing at such a rapid rate that it’s turning us all into amateurs. Even for professionals, the best way to flourish is to retain an amateur’s spirit and embrace uncertainty and the unknown.”

Putting It Into Practice

Last week, I signed up for Pickleball. I watched two YouTube videos and I turned up at our local recreation center with my friend, clueless, but excited to play a new game. It was perfect in all its imperfections. We had so much fun, we played with seasoned players and we missed, scored and made a mess. But I left that building exhilarated to have done something new, to have met new people, and to have a new game I can play through the winter. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t any good. What mattered was showing up and giving it a go. And when people found out it was my first time playing, that I was trying something new, they were supportive and kind.

I know the boardroom is very different from a Pickleball court, but you get a lot of leeway and support when you are open and honest with people.

What is something you would like to feel freer about?

Is it being able to still ask questions when you are a year into a new role? What would it be like if you told your boss that you would enjoy your role immeasurably more if you knew it was ok to still not know stuff? Ask their permission “Is it ok that I still ask you questions every now and then?” If they are a good people leader they will welcome you taking ownership of your experience and letting them know how they can support you.

Did you do a poor job of something that you are not determined to do better next time? Tell people, the last time I did this, I messed it up but I want to try again. So forgive me if it takes me a moment to get into the groove.

Doing a presentation and you are feeling nervous. Be open about it. “I am feeling pretty nervous, this is important to me and I want to get it right.”

The more open we are about what we need, and how we are feeling, the more authentic we are about the realities of being a professional, the more we poke holes in that illusionary professional role we have created. Beyond that illusion is freedom, experimentation, engagement, and joy. We are much more likely to sustain a professional career when we can be real about the messiness and discomfort and be ok with it all. At some point, a generation of leaders needs to break the mold so that others can find more liberation in their careers and that in my opinion can only lead to better business results.

A Reflection

Take a moment and consider where you might be feeling a little boxed in by your professional role,

• What would be different for you if you could embody an amateur’s spirit?
• Would you enjoy your work more?
• Would you feel a little lighter?
• Would you be prepared to experiment? And if so, what might you like to try out?

What if everyone you worked with embodied more of an amateur spirit? Would that make work more enjoyable? Would you try out new ideas? Would you learn a lot more?

Connect

If this article spoke to something you can relate to, get in touch, I would love to hear your reflections. melanie@therestorativecoach.com

Thank you for reading.

Book Recommendation

I recently read Andre Agassi’s autobiography — Open. He shares in detail the struggle, pain, joy, and mental anguish he went through to achieve success. He rose to the top of this profession, only to crumble and fall back to the lowest ranking of his career. There is something deeply inspiring about his journey, and it struck me how messy it was, and how uncomfortable it was. The visible and public losses he experienced, and how he found a deeper inspiration to keep going, to keep coming back, to keep pushing himself. The book is also about that internal battle we all experience within ourselves, that voice that hampers our performance at times. and keeps us small.

What struck me was how much better he performed when he stopped trying to be perfect and trying to get everything right. That created some space and freedom for him to enjoy the game and ultimately helped him achieve greater success. Lastly, it’s also about what success really is. It’s not so much about the medals and titles, albeit they are huge motivators for Agassi, but rather it’s about the people you share the journey with, the connections, the support, and the team.