The Arbitrary Nature of Feeling Unworthy
My email management has hit an all-time low. I’m hopefully not letting the important ones lapse, but I’m sure there will be hurt feelings along the way. I love responding to reader and listener emails. The ones that get me stuck are the ones with a next action. I could just create a task list to get them out of my email inbox. That would be the thing to do, but old habits die hard. And doing that would have me fall into the trap of out of sight out of mind. Then I would have to create a new habit of looking at that list to get things done. As you can tell I am in a “complainy” mood. I should be grateful to be so busy. I should be happy that I am in demand. I should be more generous and open-hearted.
I remember being on a modeling shoot in Mauritius. The photographer asked me how I liked being a model. I told him how homesick I felt and how I was exhausted by all the travel. He didn’t like that and he didn’t like me after that. Looking back I can understand that he must have thought I was completely spoilt and ungrateful for the incredible good fortune that I was experiencing to be that busy with work in a profession where 90% of the participants struggle to get by.
I can feel my own judgments against myself with this current situation. It means something about me that I haven’t figured this out. 399 emails is a measure of my incompetence. 400 now…
