The Gift of Taking Things Personally

It feels good when we don’t take things personally in relationships. We enjoy the feelings of inner freedom and goodwill when we feel compassion for our struggling partners when their behavior misses the mark. We enjoy the feelings of internal stability when we are undisturbed by our partners’ emotional dysregulation and feel internally stable. This feels good, and it feels bad when we take things personally. We can misinterpret the bad feelings to mean something is wrong with us, or we are doing things wrong. We can judge ourselves as not good enough when we take our partner’s behavior personally, but we don’t have a choice as to whether or not we take something personally. If I did, I would never take anything personally and never feel bad again. However, not only is this not possible, but it would also be a disservice.

Bad feelings, or more accurately stated, feelings we judge as bad, are healthy. They are an indicator to let us know we are caught up in misunderstandings and limiting beliefs. This does not mean anything about us. It has nothing to do with our self-worth or if we are loveable, and even though they aren’t based on truth, they feel real.

The real feelings of feeling bad are a normal part of the human experience that none of us escape from, and when we feel bad, there is an opportunity for healing the misunderstandings that result in the…