Deciding who’s the boss when working with your spouse

Marriage is already a power struggle, so how do you decide who is the boss when running a company with your spouse? It’s not as difficult as you may think.

I recently wrote about my experience in running a company alongside my husband, and privately, I was asked endlessly about one potentially contentious portion of my editorial — people have asked repeatedly how we decided who the boss of the company is.

I’d like to share my experience in hopes that it will help other entrepreneurs make one of the toughest decisions business partners that are spouses will make. In our case, my husband is the boss, but it isn’t for reasons as obvious as you might think.

1. Of course the man is the boss, right?

There are morons in this world that assume that just because one of us is a man, that person wears the pants. In our case, my husband founded the company, but despite that fact, we had endless talks about leadership of the company and direction of the brand when he hired me on.

One of those discussions was about the possibility of my taking the top leadership role. For reasons I will outline below, it was the best fit that HE be the CEO, but we still have equal voices in the company (with his one percent final say).

Genitalia had nothing to do with the decision as to who was the CEO.

2. Taking personalities into account

We’re both leader-type personalities, so we had to really analyze who would be best equipped to make tough decisions and to be frank, who was equipped to take the blame in public if our company crumbled.

In our case, that wasn’t me. I am a worker bee, I am a B-Type personality, I struggle with being assertive in high pressure situations, and I’m an all around Southern gal.

Benn, on the other hand, is more A-Type. He’s a visionary, a really intelligent leader who can steer the hell out of any ship and tell the future of our brand like no one else.

In our case, he can see the big picture much better than I can, and he can develop a winning strategy better than I can. On the other hand, I can execute like a mofo. I love working — I’m one of those weird people that can’t sit still and I have to be doing something productive at all hours.

If you and your spouse are considering going into business together, if you don’t consider personalities, rather let the person who had the idea lead, you may end up with the wrong person behind the wheel. Don’t let it be about ego, let it be about the company — pretend you’re interviewing strangers for the CEO role and really ask yourself who is best equipped for the position.

3. Let your work life reflect your married life

Some would advise that you should remain professional at work and suppress the urge to hug, to comfort, to be married. I call bullshit.

If you’re happy in your marriage, let your marriage pour over into your work arrangement.

Along the same lines, if one of you is more of the pants wearer in the relationship, it is likely that the same roles will work best in your company’s leadership structure.

Just like in your marriage, someone is typically more dominant (not dominating, just dominant, calm down), and these days that is more often women, as opposed to days of yore.

In modern relationships, however, it matters not who is dominant, because there should be an equal say in your partnership. Let this be the case in your company and you’re equipped for success.

Final words:

Aside from these three primary points, it is critical to keep open and honest communication, and “letting” someone be the boss because they want it or they deserve it is the same as hiring a friend as your CEO just because she’s your buddy. Bad move. Treat your business with the same love you’ve treated your marriage, and you’ll end up in the right seats.