Advice is not what you have done, it’s what you wish you had done

What happens when you give or receive advice

As the creator of Gmail, Paul Buchheit once said during his talk at the Startup School, ‘Limited life experiences + Over-generalization = Advice’. It’s important to remember that whenever you’re on either side of the process.

When you’re giving advice, only do it if the receiving side is ready and is actively seeking for feedback, never force it. Help when someone is in need [0.5], but never to boost your ego or to feel the false sense of accomplishment. Giving advice is easy: you can just accept your ADHD self and teach people left and right. You don’t have to think about the important specifics and just solve things in the abstract where everything is tractable. Usually (if not always), however, advice is not what you have done, it’s what you wish you had done. That’s why it’s illuminating to hear the lessons learned and mistakes made. Don’t forget to act on your advice as well, not repeating the same mistakes from the past. “To know and not to do is yet not to know” [1].

When you’re receiving advice, remember the aforementioned ‘emotional’ equation [2] from Paul Buchheit. There are many ways to be successful. Most of the successes are so different from one another. Someone launched early and often. Someone was more deliberate about his first version. Never blindly follow any authority, find your own way and leave the trail. Understand the context where certain things worked and where other things didn’t. Be attentive and narrow down the broad (and often — useless) generalities into the specific actions you can take right now.

On which side of the advice, do you usually find yourself?

Notes
[0.5] Be it actionable lessons or simply for motivation.
[1] Lao Tzu.
[2] Have you read Chip Conley?