The Summer of Saying ‘Yes’
Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just F*cking Go For It
My dad has a habit of making me watch corny movies. More specifically, corny movies that he thinks contain valuable life lessons. A few years ago, he made me watch ‘Yes Man’.
I didn’t think much of it back then, but this summer it’s been on my mind. In it’s own goofy way, that movie illustrates something very profound: the power of “yes”. Indeed, “yes” may be one of the scariest words in existence. It forces you to commit, to push yourself, and to risk failure. “Yes” cracks open Pandora’s box. “No”, on the other hand, maintains a safe inertia.
Of course, there are times when it’s better to say no. Saying yes indiscriminately, like Jim Carrey’s character, would be just as unwise. My point is simply that you should be more attuned to the reasons why you decline opportunities. Your justifications should never be “I’ve never done this before,” “I don’t know how,” or “I don’t think I can do it.” And as I thought back on all the things I wish I had done during my freshman year, I realized that all too often, I was saying no for these reasons.
That had to change. Luckily, this self-improvement project had great timing. Summer was my chance. With no schoolwork or grades hanging over my head, I had nothing to lose. I decided to err on the side of saying “yes” too often. I figured I’d find the right balance eventually.
Of course, changing is much easier said than done. The problem is that we suffer from a confirmation bias of sorts: We expect ourselves to behave a certain way, so we only allow ourselves to do things that fulfill those expectations, which just further cements those beliefs. If you want to change, you’re gonna have to be more imaginative. Because believe it or not, you are not an expert about who you are. There is just so much about yourself that you have yet to discover.
Admittedly, I’m still a lot more talk than walk. I’ve signed up for things and reached out to people that would have intimidated me 3 months ago. Here are a few examples. Many of them will seem small, but yes, they were difficult for me. This summer, I…
- Started training for a half marathon in October
- Took pole dancing classes (Thanks, Groupon!)
- Tried my first Hackerrank contest and did reasonably well (see my blog post about it here)
- Scored a dinner with Hubspot’s CTO
- Reached out to Professor Amy Cuddy and got personally invited by to do research with her at HBS (read my blog post about meeting her here)
- Got over my insecurity about my Chinese skills by volunteering as an teacher with Harvard’s Chinatown ESL.
Looking at this list, I can’t help but beam. It’s hard to believe that these accomplishments really belong to me. They sound like something some other, cooler person did.
I hope I’m slowly becoming that person.
I’ve learned that fear is a strange, strange beast. Thousands of years ago, it was meant to drive our prehistoric ancestors away from dangerous situations. But now, there’s hardly ever any real danger to run from. Most of it is in our head, conjured out of self-doubt. Though fear can serve a useful purpose, more often than not it just makes us flee from great opportunities.
The good news is, you can override your instincts, and you can do so now. Just start by letting yourself say “yes”.
Follow me on Twitter at @diane_xy.
