These articles provide feedback on stories submitted by brave writers looking to learn and grow. Comments will be provided on anything from title and pictures, to grammar, language, and cohesion. All feedback is meant to help both the original author and anyone else reading this, and general writing tips will be highlighted.
Hush. Close your eyes and imagine a hall audience eagerly awaiting the start of an important event featuring three performers. They are hidden on an unlit stage, and everyone is quiet except for the occasional whispering. Then, static noise emanating from speakers breaks the silence, signaling the start of the presentation.
“Ladies and Gents, today we bring you the Art of Starting Over, written, produced, and directed by Daria Travnytska. It is a trifecta for writing. Prepare to be inspired, humored, or challenged to rethink ourselves as writers. Without further ado, please enjoy the show!
The spotlight is switched on and, one by one, it finds The Perfectionist, The Dreamer, and The Fighter.
General Feedback
Author Daria Travnytska’s The Art of Starting Over is indeed a piece of art that presents a personification of three aspects of her writing life: the Perfectionist, the Dreamer, and the Fighter. Daria presents her characters with anecdotal examples, light-hearted wit, and authenticity.
Her clear and concise message, focused on sharing her experiences and reflections, comes through free of hyperbole or cynicism.
Daria’s prose is compassionate, spiced with sprinkles of soft self-parody, particularly about her tendency for perfectionism. She writes in a way that makes me feel I’ve been in her writing shoes, too. In fact, I have, especially with the finger holding the Delete key down like dead weight on a gas pedal.
There are very few technical issues that need addressing, and her command of English — one of multiple second languages she uses proficiently — makes reading her story as easy and comfortable as wrapping a warm scarf around my neck on a cold winter day.
About the Perfectionist
I couldn’t help myself; I had to laugh because I could really relate to her first sentence: (This) first character is an annoying one.
I would not be surprised if author Daria had really meant it as an understatement.
What interested me most in this section was her comparison of writing and drawing. While the latter is less forgiving, the former allows for corrections. The latter would force us to shrug in acceptance of any “flaws” we make and encourage us to improvise — a creative skill. The former may as well be called Delete and Repeat.
The author makes a convincing case for telling our inner Perfectionist to chill and keep quiet so that an optimist could state her case.
About the Dreamer
This section could be summed up as hope despite the odds. In contrast to the tenacious perfectionist whom Daria described earlier, the Dreamer shows a softer side of herself. The author reveals her vulnerability through her struggles in a way with which many of us could identify. But make no mistake: the Dreamer is no daydreamer. Daria’s inner compass is working 100%, and her accomplishments thus far — as described in her profile — will convince you how confident she is in her own potential. She calls herself a hopeful optimist; I am optimistic her hopes and dreams will come true.
About the Fighter
“There are no dead-end situations”, says Daria’s dad. This daughter shows her understanding in her follow-up, “It means that you commit to failing over and over again, knowing that you will (ultimately) need to get up.” The author stays up with her boxer gloves raised in a feisty display, not of aggression but of resilience and gumption. She is fighting for a good cause: life’s possibilities.
If you believe there are always alternatives, it makes sense to keep going no matter what. — Daria Travnytska
In her conclusion, the author sums up her wise thoughts and ideas: “Blank pages go along with fear and anxiety, but also anticipation of the good to come.” She reassures us that starting over is good. And her experiences thus far clearly indicate how her focus on the road ahead has led her to the praise-worthy place she is now.
Summary
Title: The Art of Starting Over
It’s straightforward and promises you’ll take away something useful or insightful. I might even add the words “and Succeeding” at the end.
Pictures
She’s the artist! I’m in no position to comment on her illustrations, but I shall. They are well-crafted and capture the essence of two of her characters. I do wish I could have seen one for the Fighter! — but no complaints. I love them with much envy for her skills.
Formatting
The overall text was relatively short but structured, which helped keep the formatting uncomplicated and consistent with guidelines. The author’s use of italics effectively added value to her writing as well.
Grammar
It is safe to say that for the most part Daria’s story is grammatically sound. Frequent subject-verb agreement and spelling — my biggest peeves —are non-existent. I won’t highlight every error or typo that I’ve spotted either.
However, I do wish to point out a couple of points about punctuation that appear on a few occasions.
Commas are not used in front of relative pronouns (that, which, who, etc) of the dependent clauses they precede.
Tip 1: Misuse of commas (1)
The comma here should not be used in this indirect quote.
Example: He used to repeat, that there are no dead-end situations.But commas should be used for direct quotes as follows:
Correction: He used to repeat, “There are no dead-end situations.”
Run-off sentences, those groups of words that figuratively behave like cars ignoring traffic signs at an intersection. Frequent occurrences can be hazardous.
Tip 2: Misuse of commas (2)
Between two independent clauses (aka sentences), we need to place full stops/periods, question marks, exclamation marks, or semi-colons.
Example: Paper is unforgiving, there is no “undo” function.Correction: Paper is unforgiving. There is no “undo” function.
Alternative: Paper is unforgiving; there is no “undo” function.
The semicolon provides better flow in this case since the sentences are logically related. Don’t confuse semicolons with commas.
Now, I appreciate that this story was meant to have a conversational flavor. Such genres may not necessarily follow strict grammar rules. But to ensure our readers better enjoy our stories, we should keep to basic punctuation rules to avoid confusion.
Links and Citations
Other than giving acknowledgment to the author’s dad for one quote and to herself for her fantastic illustrations, no sources were cited as of today (11 Feb 2023).
Tip 3: Can I quote you on that?
Using a quote from a family member makes the piece feel more relatable. But in case we don’t have parents or mentor with usable quotes, we can also Google them and be delighted by what we might find. I just found one on LinkedIn as follows:It’s true, writing is hard. Good writers move their words like prize fighters, and not everyone who boxes wears the shiny belt. (by Sonia Atchison in On Risk: Writers as Prize Fighters, 9 May 2018)
Language
English isn’t Daria’s first language, and I’d be the first to get fooled. Far from any indication that she struggles with English, she demonstrates a masterful command of the language with all of its collocations, idioms, and other expressive characteristics.
If anything, I might draw attention to just one word, but its reasoning is highly subjective.
She writes:
This is why I ended up having a “graveyard” of unlucky sketchbooks, each with just a few used pages, never to be touched again.
I might replace graveyard with scrap yard. Both serve the same purpose but the former implies that her tools have been buried and will no longer be used again. In contrast, scrap yards have their abandoned contents above-ground and may be recycled or reused one day. I am hoping she will do the same with her sketchbooks.
Cohesion and Cadence
Daria keeps her story to-the-point which helps to keep her narrative’s pace in check. Occasionally, however, ambiguities and generalities may get in the way.
Examples:
1) It is in the little things too. — What is “it”? You know “it”, but we don’t.
2) Every time I move furniture or declutter my space, I hope that I stick to minimalism and become more mindful about what I own. — How does moving furniture relate to minimalism, and why is “or” used instead of “and”?
3) Every time I start a new blog, I hope that I stay consistent and develop a habit. — Consistent in what way and what kind of habit?
Tip 4: Specifics are engaging/Generalizations are disengaging
If you do use general statements, remind yourself to be as clear and concise as possible. A readers’ attention span is a lot shorter than we think.
Closing Remarks
The Trifecta presentation ended with a final curtain call where the Perfectionist , the Dreamer, and the Fighter all bowed deeply. The author’s positive outlook injected optimism and a renewed sense of purpose in the audience.
Thank you, Daria, for submitting your story!
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