LET ME READ YOUR STORY
Failing Is the Secret to Progress
These articles provide feedback on stories submitted by brave writers looking to learn and grow. Comments will be provided on anything from title and pictures, to grammar, language, and cohesion. All feedback is meant to help both the original author and anyone else reading this, and general writing tips will be highlighted.
The true story, Failing Forwards, is in the mental health genre, and is written by Anna Boulas.
General Feedback
Author Anna Boulas is a generation younger than yours truly, and we have never met. Yet, we seem to share certain aspects of our upbringing, school experiences, and times in college. Perhaps some of our fellow readers can identify with her life journey — which segues to the main takeaway from Anna’s story.
Her writing style reads almost like an open diary that feels as though it is inviting kindred spirits to join her in her delicately flowing narrative. Her lexical choices appropriately describe her ups and downs as she negotiates her way around emotional pitfalls.
Anna’s writing strikes as frank and honest with no noticeable evidence of hyperbole, making it easy for readers to identify with her rise from perceived failures to measurable progress. Let’s have a closer look!
The first paragraph begins with an inference to Star Trek with the words “final frontier”, but we soon understand it has less to do with Captain Kirk of Star Trek and more to do with the author’s ho-hum attitude towards the topic of space.
Then immediately we are introduced to Anna’s personal conflict: failure. She sows the seed and successfully sets the tone for her story with the following quote by Gene Kranz:
Failure is not an option.
This quote sent me out into a wormhole where I felt transported to a time and place where I was being told the same words.
Character
The author then provides us in the next paragraph with simple but important descriptors that hint as to the direction of her narrative:
nerds, overachievers, and slacker
Some of you may also have noticed that Anna has pluralized the first two words that describe her and her sibling, but the third one is left in the singular. Guess whom she calls slacker? Not only has she highlighted how she and her sister are different, but she has also set herself further apart from the rest of her social circles, including her family.
Or am I reading too much into this?
Tip 1: As the author has done, it makes narrative sense, especially in fiction, to introduce your main character strategically or at least intentionally, so that the rest of the story flows logically.
Anna also keeps her idea tight by not letting the first quote by Kranz hang in the air alone and reinforcing her idea by concluding her introduction with the lines:
It was a reminder that we weren’t allowed to fail. To me, the message was clear; succeed or die trying.
Subsequently, when the author first admits to the possibility of her impossible failure, we are led toward the narrator’s emotional black hole, like spacecraft getting tracked into some gravitational pull by a mysterious celestial body.
Foreshadowing
They are like Hansel and Gretel’s breadcrumbs laid on the forest floor for us to gather. They are subtle spoiler alerts that give just enough information for some readers — who naively tell themselves they have outwitted the writer — to figure out the plot or at least the direction of the story.
The author does not waste her time laying her own breadcrumbs for us. In the second half of the following sentence, she allows the reader to consider the reason for her uneasiness and choice to conceal it. She writes,
Deep down, I knew something was wrong, but it felt easier to believe I was just lazy, so I told no one.
And when you tell no one about embers flying out of the hot fireplace onto the carpet…
Tip 2: What’s the point of foreshadowing, you ask? Simple! This literary tool keeps the reader engaged, and helps writers creatively keep their stories flowing.
Readers prefer to have reasonable expectations about the narrative’s outcome and might not want to be distracted by irrelevant details or, worse, betrayed by lackluster plots. Like salt or jalapeno, just don’t overdo it. If you want to know more about foreshadowing, including direct and indirect types, click my source here.
Climax and anticlimax
Failing Forward does not disappoint in this department either. Readers will probably agree that the story’s (first) climax is reached when she arrives at her doctor’s expecting a dreaded diagnosis. But fortunately,
the doctor threw out the depression test saying, “I don’t think you’re depressed.”
But…
Just when we let ourselves accept her being “more comfortable with her anxiety diagnosis” — especially after her therapist enabled her to gain some reassurance about her future — we discover that life doesn’t quite go as planned or hoped. That is our anticlimax rolling into view, causing us all to stop breathing after learning that college doesn’t provide her with “the cure” she had strongly desired. And so our roller-coaster ascends to a new climactic point from where we must fretfully peer down and brace for another gut-wrenching dip into an unknown abyss.
Tip 4: Regardless of whether you’re writing fiction, a poem, or a non-fiction account, using climax and anticlimax is essential. All literary devices for that matter are important ingredients in a properly prepared meal for they add zest, texture, flavour, and aroma. A story without a well-developed plot is a bland, cold soup. To learn more about climax and anticlimax, you could visit this site for user-friendly coaching.
Imagine the imagery
The author uses one imagery: the eye of the hurricane (sic). The eye of the storm represents the same calmness in a similar expression,
The calm before the storm.
In fact, I would suggest the choice of this one over the former, because we know, at least in hindsight, that the impending storm — her state of panic — returns after a supposedly short reprieve.
Nevertheless, the imagery effectively does us two favours: 1) It enables us to visualize Ann’s challenging circumstances. Just simply saying that the protagonist “had some rest before life got testy again” — while not bad — has less colour than even the greyest of storm clouds.
And while I applaud the author on her use of imagery, I wish she had used a bit more throughout her story. I feel that potential may have been overlooked. We can’t judge though. When a threatening hurricane is approaching, it’s easy to get distracted. (wink)
Tip 5: Quick! Say the five senses out loud — now!
Were you able to say them all? Sight, sound, smell, taste, and touch. As writers, we need to keep our audience in mind, even if it’s just ourselves. Creative writing is all about helping readers understand us writers better by using all the tools available. The five types of imagery are all intimately at our disposal; we already have them on our bodies!
Summary
Title: Failing Forwards
You have to admit: it’s a clever title with a scent of redemption.
Pictures
The title image is appropriate, but where it is short on imagery, the author could supplement her story with carefully placed photos from her own collection or choose stock images from Unsplash or others.
Formatting
This was relatively minimal, but in hindsight, I think minimalism was the way to go with this particular story. So, a good decision there, Anna! Some may disagree, of course, and I respect that. Certain formatting styles may have been more effective. Styles are subjective.
Grammar
Either Anna is a grammarian or her friend is Grammarly, there were no fundamental errors found. Having said that, there are word choices that could be replaced due to repetition and awkward placement — which happens often with adverbs. Still, this was a job well done.
Links and Citations
No references to sources were made as of today (15 Dec 2022).
Language
The “eye of the hurricane” is the only one that stood out like a panda in a zoo with brown spots instead of black. It wasn’t anything too strange but just unfamiliar to me. No biggie.
Cohesion and Cadence
This one made me think a bit longer than the others, only because there were times I occasionally felt that pockets of information about her state of mind felt unclear as to their intention in the narrative. If readers encounter multiple moments of confusion, no matter how minor, it could risk slowing the cadence/pacing. One suggestion is to revisit your story — Anna and all the rest of us, including yours truly — to find ways to cut, combine, and make the narrative more compact. Tight!
Closing Remarks
Redemption. Anna reached it or will soon be there. Her awareness of her innate ability to have self-compassion is crystal-clear. She recognizes that failure is not an evil but an integral part of making progress as a human being. If you love someone, set them free. (Richard Bach)
And if you love yourself, let yourself fail forward.
Thank you again, Anna, for submitting your story!
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