Either Ancestry.com is Complete Bullshit or I’ve Been Living a Lie
Breaking down my results
Has my whole life been a lie?
Innocent Beginnings
As a “fun” Christmas gift this year, I bought Stacy Weisgerber and I the DNA kits from Ancestry.com to see what we were and where we came from.
Seemingly innocent fun.
Ancestry collects your DNA [and most likely sells it to Amazon and Facebook to further enhance their global dominance] through a saliva sample.
It only took us six weeks to find a tiny 30 minute window where we hadn’t drank or ate anything in order to give an uncontaminated sample.
We’re snackers.
We mailed in our samples and waited eight more weeks for analysis.
That’s when things got interesting.
Preconceived Notions
I have lived my life under this one assumption of truth:
I’m 50% Mexican.
My mom is 100% Mexican which made for easy math.
My sisters, Megan Weisgerber and Lisa McLaughlin, have relatively hispanic complexion. And I was under the impression that the Mexican people that we saw occasionally were related to us.
This truth was a key component to my street cred. The only thing that saved me from being a regular white-guy, despite my predominantly white-guy features and haircut.
The rest of my genetic make-up was up for debate but the 50% Mexican was iron-clad.
The “Weisgerber” name from my dad’s side indicated, at some point, someone from Germany was involved. But even then, we all know how loosey-goosey they were over at Ellis Island.
I was content with this arrangement despite my appearance not remotely resembling Mexican. I knew the truth in my heart and supposedly, in my blood.
Then I spit in a plastic tube and everything changed.
The Breakdown:
One of my many beefs with this whole process was how vague the descriptions were. I hoped for more specifics but I imagine there is only so much information to be learned from an ounce of saliva.
They leave you to make a few assumptions and fill in the blanks.
56% Europe West
Primarily located in: Belgium, France, Germany, Netherlands, Switzerland, Luxembourg, Liechtenstein
This makes sense. I figured there might be a large percentage of German based on the last name.
And I think we can all agree, no one has any idea how things worked over in Europe back in the day. I can’t begin to imagine all the mixing and mingling going on with all the wars, pillaging, so on and so forth.
So this result isn’t too surprising but my main concern is with that percentage.
56% doesn’t leave enough room for all my assumed Hispanic blood.
Not a great start.
13% Iberian Peninsula
Primarily located in: Spain, Portugal.
Your DNA shows that you have ancestry from Iberian Peninsula and links you to these specific regions:
Western & Central Mexico
Hmm.
13% Spanish is my second highest?
My mom has long thought my baby blue eyes came from her side of the family dating back to Spain and my great grandfather.
But still, this is the second highest percentage and it is going to take a pretty big leap of creative math to get a combination closer to my expected 50% [especially with Europe West hogging 56%].
9% Western and Central Mexico
9 %?????
Thats it????
What the hell?
Even if I generously combine it with the 13% Spanish, that only comes to 22% Spanish and Mexican.
My only explanation somewhere in our 9 months in the womb, I got all the white-ness and Megan managed to smuggle all the Mexican. Typical.
Ancestry.com says this is entirely possible:
The DNA we inherit from each parent is completely random, so unless you’re an identical twin, your DNA profile won’t be exactly the same as a sibling’s.
This is a major blow to my identity.
I don’t even know who I am anymore.
Is everything I’ve worked for in life really just the product of white privilege?
So many unanswered questions.
9% Great Britain
Primarily located in: England, Scotland, Wales
9%.
WTF? The same as my Mexican.
This explains my innate affection for fried food.
3% Europe South
Primarily located in: Italy, Greece
2% European Jewish
Primarily located in: Poland, Belarus, Ukraine, Russia, Hungary, Israel
2% Ireland/Scotland/Wales
Primarily located in: Ireland, Wales, Scotland. Obviously.
Easily grouped with the the 9% Great Britain which nudges this past Mexico up to 11%. Ugh. Just keeps getting worse.
This could explain my magnetic pull towards the Great British Bake-Off, but it is more likely their pleasant, self-deprecating demeanor is the true catalyst for my love of that show.
According to Ancestry.com, “Two out of three AncestryDNA test takers have come up with at least 5 percent Irish in their ethnicity results.”
I didn’t meet that threshold so at least I have a thin vail of my identity and am not lumped in with masses.
Although, that probably has more to do with the demographics of the [white] people [read: suckers] who would actually pay for this nonsense than it does any meaningful data.
Another check mark in the white column for me.
2% Caucasus
Primarily located in: Armenia, Azerbaijan, Georgia, Iran, Iraq, Syria, Turkey
2% Africa North
Primarily located in: Morocco, Western Sahara, Algeria, Libya
< 1% of Asia Central, Scandinavia and Middle East
What does this cocktail of ethnicity mean?
Not a lot.
Just a snapshot of my history as told through a swab of spit.
